Sugar I'M going DOWN

Jun 01, 2005 18:49

Man, it feels so done right now. like Im trying so hard to keep to my promise I made to myself after Karen died of not being so judgemental, but it seems as though Im picking and choosing too much with that. I feel like Ive lost myself & others so much lately, Im just so caught up in my thoughts. I keep thinking about how much I need to go to a show. I love the feeling of being there & being front row. I lose so much angst there. I mean staring up on stage and (not)/being just another face in the crowd. The cool breeze from the amps, and the all around feel is priceless & beautiful. not caring, and letting myself go & feeling that wonderful high and adrenalyn rush. Id give anything for a good show and a good rain on my face with my friends. to have a moment so pure and deep. a moment where I dont dwell on my faults. lately Ive found myself curled up with my sketchbook drawing whatever comes to mind. maybe soon Ill have pictures up. I feel like Im giving up, Im so over looking for prince charming and mister right. somtimes this whole quest for love feels like fighting a losing battle, with the mentality of at least Ill die trying. Im so over settling for less than what I want. sick of looking for someone who never existed to begin with. MY DREAM GUY WAS JUST THAT... A DREAM. realization of wrongs and heart break seriously blow. just give me a good rain, and a good cry & I swear Ill be better.
People never seem to be satisfied with me, Im so over trying to please everyone all the time. its a losing battle. people piss me off too much.
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