When the Curtains Fall...
Well... today was opening night of my play, it was pretty cool, had a full house. but I dunno, I was thinking about how easy acting is, & how quickly I can get into charactor, & I wonder if maybe we're all playing a role in life, maybe thats why its so easy to act on stage. after the play was over, my parents didnt wanna stay for the after party... ofcourse, I mean that would invole socializing & we cant have that now can we? I guess things could be a lot worse, just nothing is right this year I swear! Im trying so damn hard to figure out who I am & what Im gonna do after High School. People have been to blunt lately. Ill say my biggest fears of what I am becoming, & theyre always there to say yeah, I agree you kinda suck & yeah I do hate you. gee thanks, if I wanted to be told that I would have just asked the Happy Bunny on my shirt. Ive thought a lot about "emo" kids lately, and I guess I am one myself, but in sooo many ways I hate them. theyre soo selfish in some ways. but in others, I am truely jealous of them & strive to be as cool as them. what I like about emo is it takes beauty to a dramatic level that I love the artisticness of. I am bummed out to no end that Im one of dumb cliche emo kids. I hate that soo much, almost as I hate how I feel about practically everything. Its been one of those times where you sleep a lot, & draw when your awake. I realized that one thing I truely strive for is to belong somwhere, and more than usual Ive been denied that. I hate that everywhere I go I never fit. I stick out soo much. All I want right now is that feeling where I know everything is ok, & I cant find that. nomatter where I am, or who Im with I feel insecure. like I say Skrappys is the happiest place on earth, which yeah, it kinda is, good times happened there, yet everytime Im there Im on the outside looking in. everyone there is all cool & in touch with the latest in everything, while Ive but stuck in BFN, Ive really grown to resent Safford. I hate that when Im hereI stick out, cause I listen to bands that most people have never heard of, and when Im in Tucson I feel country, cause I dont understand somthings, or know everyone. It seems soo busy, everyone hurrying around & fitting in, & me on the outside looking in. I just want to fit somwhere, & I want someone to love when the curtains fall.
Kat
Kat