tehpiyn fd
i need to prepare myself for the biggest reality check of my life so far. cheerleading. you think of me.. and you think oh yeah carrie, shes a cheerleader. so who will i be when i dont make it??? i sure as hell hope i do... but its tough this year and i dont think i cut it. it doesnt matter that i'm good at the cheering part.i dont tumble backwards and thats all that counts this year. so... i tumble forwards... it doesnt count in cheerleading. i'm so stressed out right now. mmm.. i want a boyfriend because i'm not used to not having anyone at all. i must say i dont like the feeling very much.--- i'm lost... i dont know who i am at the moment- at least i have amazing friends? hmm.. they really truely are amazing. fucking fourth quarter eff-ing sucks. i'm doing so badly right now i think i have all d's and f's. to tell you the truth.. i dont care anymore, i give up. i've worked so hard to bring my gpa up. its up there... and i dont care anymore. i'll just go to western or sumthing. goodbye wisconsin.. i have wanted to go there since i was about 4. i'm tired of trying so hard because it doesnt pay off anyway. i wanna be 16 and enjoy it. i wanna make mistakes and fall in love. i want to get my heart broken and do stupid shit with people and not regret it. i want to be carefree and laugh out loud for no reason. i wanna fuck somone i thought i loved and not have it break my heart.. i wanna... i wanna... i wanna live. gosh...