Over My Head (My Confessions)

[brittlovesher]

Over My Head (My Confessions)

Tagline: Everyone knows I'm in over my head and I don't know what to do to but to give my confessions.

Summary: When the pressures of being unable to conceive slowly derails their relationship, Arizona chooses to take a break. She heads to Africa to work as a missionary, saving lives of the tiny humans. Yet, little to every one's knowledge, including her own, she takes a little something of Callie's with her. Now seven months later, Callie's world is turned upside down by the arrival of her ex-girlfriend and the tiny human growing inside of her. Can Callie find forgiveness for the mother of her child? Or is it simply too late?

Warning: AU Season 7

Pairing: Callie/Arizona. Teddy/Owen. Addison/Derek/Meredith.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.



"I can sum up everything I have learned about life in three words: It goes on." Robert Frost



Chapter Fifteen

All the sounds in Callie's head are consuming her now. A little voice whispering to her just how much of a mistake this is, how much of a mistake it was to think that Arizona would wait for her, that they could put the pieces back together and be a couple again. She is such an idiot for thinking that Arizona did not move on, because how could she not? Arizona is beautiful, amazing, funny, caring, and perfect. She is all the things good in this world, and Callie is an idiot to think that someone else would not notice that, that someone would not step in and be the person for her that Callie just could not be.

Because obviously, someone did. Someone had taken her away from her and now that she is waking up from hell, she is calling out for that person, not her. And why should she? After everything she put her through, after all the hurt and the lies and the selfishness and heart break, how could Arizona call out for her? How could she possibly still want to be with her? How could she possibly feel one ounce of love in her heart for her?

The coldest sweat drips down the nape of Callie's neck, hardening cry chokes in the back of her throat as she desperately tries to keep her composure in front of the groggy and delirious woman that she loves so deeply. She struggles so hard to keep it together, to be the strongest person she can be for her, even when her heart is shattering so severely inside of her. The tears are swallowing her whole as she bites her bottom lip hastily, trying to ignore the overwhelming pain of her breaking heart and the anguished reality of this situation.

She knows she should be overjoyed, elated even, that Arizona is awake. And a part of her truly is. Because the fact that she woke up, the fact that she can even speak, after everything her body has been through in the past few days, is nothing short of a medical miracle, given all the bleeding and the possible brain damage she could be facing. And Callie knows that she should be rejoicing because Arizona is awake, she is functioning; she actually has a fighting chance now. Now, she has a chance to hold their daughter, a chance to teach her how to walk, talk, ride a bike, have her first day at school, and all those little things that parents live for. Now, she has a chance to live and be the person that she had always been destined to be. Arizona is awake, and she came back to her and Callie is so insanely grateful and delighted that she has. But that little voice in her head keeps telling her that Arizona is not hers. And after seven months and the way she left things with her, she cannot help but feel like such an idiot.

Muzzily, Arizona's pained blue eyes look over at her, her golden brow wrinkled as she swallows hard, more as a gasp for air than an actual ingesting. She seems lost and confused, and seeing it now is just enough to make Callie's stomach cringe. This is not Arizona. This is not the woman that she loves. Quietly, Callie caresses the blonde's hand, looking at her with tender, caring eyes. She knows that she should say something, that somewhere deep inside of her she should be able to find the words to calm Arizona, to make her realize that everything is going to be okay; however, those words never come. Those words are locked deep inside, in a place that she just cannot grasp right now.

Drily, Arizona lets out an exhale as she rolls her head back slightly, staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression. Callie's heart tugs for the woman with a gentle sigh of her own before she bites her lip, hushed sniffles escaping from her. Leaning over, she presses the red button that pages the nurses' station before she slowly stands from the chair, her eyes never leaving Arizona's face.

"D-Da-Dani." Arizona stutters again hoarsely, breaking Callie's heart all over again. Callie swallows hard as a free hand tangles deep within her curls, the cry just seconds from escaping her. She knows that she has to keep the cries at bay; she has to keep herself together, because that is the kind of person Arizona needs. Yet, she is not so sure that she can be that person for the mother of her child, at least not right now.

"Dr. Torres?" The voice of the nurse catches Callie off guard, as her eyes dart up from Arizona to find the nurse who is standing in the door with a less than amused look upon her face. The raven haired beauty only offers a weak smile as a response, diverting her attention rather dotingly from the nurse back to Arizona, trying her hardest to not show the emotional derailing she is feeling inside.

"Page Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Robbins is awake, we need a Nero consult." Callie demands with a forced smile. The nurse simply nods before turning and disappearing around the corner to do what Callie hopes, she has been told. Being left in the room with her, Callie eyes Arizona carefully, watching every movement she takes, every bat of her eyelashes with a baited breath, waiting for the old Arizona to emerge, for her Arizona to come back.

She knows she should say something but what do you say? What do you say to someone you have not seen in seven months? What do you say to the mother of your child who kept your own daughter a secret from you? What do you say to the woman who you lay awake thinking about? What do you say to the woman who hurt you so greatly that you swear you will never be whole again? How do you even begin to form words around the woman who, despite all the drama and immaturity surrounding you, you still love with your whole heart?

Well that is the greatest question of all that Calliope Torres finds plaguing her.

Maybe she should start with how sorry she is; how she never meant for things to turn out this way. Maybe she should tell her how much she still loves her; how she still holds onto that ounce piece of possibility they could be together. Perhaps explain just how much she hurt her when she left for Africa, how it nearly killed her not talking to her, or celebrating their birthdays with her. Perchance, she should ask her exactly who this 'Dani' is and why she is calling out her name. But mostly, she finds herself wanting to ask her if she is okay, if she needs anything, if she has missed Callie as much as Callie has missed her, if she still loves her just as much as she did before. She wants to ask her everything, all at once.

However, when her lips purse to actually form the words, she is interrupted as Derek walks in, the brightest proud smile plastered upon his face. She almost finds herself rolling her eyes at the amount of confidence the Nero surgeon has radiating from his persona but she just swallows it, along with her words, in a hard gulp.

"It is so good to see you awake!" Derek exclaims and Arizona only looks up at him, muddled and distant. Callie only watches her with curious and cautious eyes, waiting for some type of response from the blonde woman. However, there is none. Derek takes the chart from the end of the bed, clicking the pen as he scribbles something in the chart. The breath is caught somewhere between Callie's lungs and her throat as she observes the man, anxiously waiting for some type of response about her love, about how he is doing and what a miraculous recovery she has made. As normal, he takes out his white clicker light and shines them in Arizona's eyes as he orders her to follow the light, which she does. Then, he checks her surgical incision and her temporal lobe almost silently as he continues to take notes in her medical chart.

"Okay, now I am going to ask you some questions and I need you to answer them if you can, okay?" Derek asks but Arizona only stares at him blankly, as if she has been dropped in the middle of a reality that she does not quite know. Callie holds her breath as she looks at Derek, who only returns a slightly similar gaze of worriment and curiosity before he returns his attention back to his patient.

"Do you know where you are?" He asks. But again, there is only silence. A silence that Callie, even though she is not a Nero-surgeon or does not know anything about the brain, knows cannot be good. Swallowing hard, she listens as Derek pushes for another answer.

"Okay, that's okay. Do you know who I am?" Silence.

"How about anyone in this room? Do you recognize anyone in this room?" He pushes and Arizona looks around the room filled with two nurses and Derek before her before her eyes land on Callie. She looks at her so deeply, so closely, a vividness in her eyes that Callie does not quite know. There is a long pause in which Derek looks at Callie, his eyes full of darkness and hidden truth. Arizona's lips quiver as if she is going to say something, she bites her bottom lip as the tears brim within her eyes before slowly, and almost sadly, she shakes her head.

Instantly, Callie's heart shatters. Before she is conscious of her actions, a cry escapes from her. Quickly, she looks up at Derek, cupping her mouth as the man, who once had loved her best friend so dearly, hangs his head slightly. She can hear him take a deep breath before he looks back at Arizona with a gentle smile.

"Do you know who you are?" He asks. She looks up at him and nods quietly before swallowing and forcing herself to find the strength to speak.

"A-Arizona. Robbins. Arizona Robbins. Peds surgery." Arizona croaks and it is the first sign, or rather, the first answer that allows the room to know that somewhere inside of her, there is the old Arizona. Derek nods his head with a warm smile, looking back at Callie as the silent tears stream down her cheeks, watching the scene unfold.

"Great. That's great. Do you remember what happened?" To this, Arizona swallows hard, tears appearing in her diluted bottled blue orbs. She looks away; her eyes find Callie as she draws in a soft, gentle breath.

"Crash. T-There was a plane crash." Arizona gulps, closing her eyes as she takes in another jagged breath before reopening them, looking around the room of almost strangers to her, "D-Dani, where is she? I… is she okay?" She pushes for answers and Callie feels her heart break even deeper in her chest. Derek does not answer her but instead he nods his head quietly, shoving his hands in his white lab coat pockets, shifting his weight softly. He turns back to Callie with a gentle 'come here' nod and the Latina obliges, pushing herself closer to the bed.

"Arizona, you were in a plane crash. We had to rush you into emergency surgery. Dr. Yang performed cardiothoracic surgery in which she repaired a tear in your ventricle. And I performed surgery to try to stop the bleeding in your brain; you had some serious damage but I tried to repair as much as I could. And then Dr. Montgomery had to deliver the baby and…"

"The baby." It seems to be the first time that it dawns on Arizona that there is no longer a child in her womb. She puts her hands on her slightly swollen stomach before she looks up at Derek with teary eyes, biting her bottom lip to keep the cry from escaping her, "Is it…. How…" Watching her lover struggle for the words is too much for Callie and she steps closer to her, her eyes focused on her as she speaks up and over her.

"The baby is fine. Well, she's not really fine but she is surviving. Oh, and uh, it's a girl, by the way. A beautiful little girl. She's a little premature and she's in the NICU, we're not sure yet if she has received any trauma from the crash but she seems healthy so far. She's okay. So, d-don't worry about her. I'll take care of her." Callie speaks up and Arizona looks at her with teary eyes before she softly nods her head, swallowing deeply.

"There seems to be… some effects from the crash. You seem to have retrograde amnesia. It is a condition in which you can't remember certain events prior to the traumatic event, which, in this case, is the crash. It's like…It's like a huge black out in your memory. Eventually, it will slowly start coming back, all those missing pieces. And soon, you'll know all of us and things will be back to normal. But right now, you just have to be patient and not get frustrated because you can't remember. Your body and your mind are still healing; you went through a very traumatic experience, you cannot expect everything to go back to normal first off, okay? It is going to come back to you, it's just... it's going to take some time." Derek explains and Arizona only stares at Callie, as if she is trying desperately to remember, to remember her name, to remember them.

"Dr. Torres, I know this is hard but…" Derek speaks but Callie interrupts him.

"No. I just… I should go. I am kidding myself by staying here, by thinking that she might actually… I should just g-go. I…uh… I hope you fe-feel better or something. " Callie struggles to speak, her eyes landing upon Arizona once last time before she turns and leaves the room. Arizona watches her longingly, her hand slightly outstretched. She watches her until she disappears around the corner before she falls back softly against the bed.

Although everything about her life is quite fuzzy right now, all Arizona knows is that it hurts to watch the raven haired woman walk away from her. And that, if nothing else ever did, has to mean something.

Flashback

There is anguished silence as Arizona’s blue eyes slowly begin to flutter open. A high pitched screaming sound that she cannot mentally recognize echoes in the air, as she slowly comes through, struggling desperately to comprehend what had happened. The dust fills in the air as Arizona coughs, her lungs tightening in a distressed attempt to take in oxygen. There is a smell; the type sickening smell that makes her stomach cringe and the bile rise in her throat. It is not just the scent of the derailed plane and the swarming smoke. But it is the scent of burning flesh, of the dripping gasoline; it’s the scent of death.

Groaning in pain, Arizona tries to move, however, she finds herself entrapped. Looking down, she notices the seat belt wrapped tightly around her. Shit. When they tell you to buckle up as a precaution during the lift off, she assumes they never consider what would happen if the plane crashed and the very thing that is supposed to keep you safe is the one thing entrapping you. She moves her head slightly, but is immediately met by radiating pain throughout her skull. She chokes on the smoke, her hands gently caressing her stomach.

“God, please be okay. Please be okay. Please just let Mama know that you’re okay, can you do that? Can you kick or flip or hiccup or something in there to let me know you are okay?” Arizona begs, rubbing her tummy softly as she awaits a response. However, there is no movement, no kicking, no hiccups or flips that remind her that the infant she is carrying is still alive. She is not even aware that she is crying until she can taste the salty tears, along with blood, upon her thin-lined lips. Softly, and solemnly, Arizona continues to softly caress her round and rigid stomach, trying to keep the loud cries from escaping her, knowing that she does not have the physical strength to do so.

“I know you’re scared. I-I know. Mama is scared too. I’m really…re-really scared. But we’re… we’re going to get through this, okay? We… we will and we’ll g-go to your Ma-Mami. And we’ll be happy. Really, re-really happy. I just need you to let me know that you’re okay. Please. I lo-love you so much. Come on, baby, just a tiny kick.” Arizona cries, softly rubbing her tummy. And then suddenly, it happens. Like a flutter of a butterfly wing. There is a tiny kick under her skin, a kick of life, a kick of purpose. Instantly, it is as if a thousand pounds are lifted off her chest as she breathes out a sigh of relief and forces a chuckle, a weak but ever so loving chuckle.

“Th-thank you.” She whispers, softly caressing her tummy. Swallowing hard, she lays her head back to keep the tears from falling. It is then that she feels the hot blood dripping down the side of her face and she can taste the metallic substance in her mouth. Cringing, she groans in a mumbled curse, trying to hold her head forward and straight as the radiating pain begins to overcome her fragile body. Turning slightly, she notices Dani, slumped against the seat. She can see where a pool of blood has dripped from a laceration on her forehead. Grunting in pain, she nudges the woman and then nudges her again.

“Dani. Dani, wake up.” Arizona groans in obvious discomfort. She nudges the younger woman again with a soft jostle and a disgruntled moan escapes from her. And then slowly, almost like a phoenix, Dani begins to arise. Her body is slumped and bruised, with obvious cuts and lacerations. Just by a quick glance, Arizona can tell her shoulder is dislocated and she is pretty sure there are some internal injuries by the way the younger woman is clutching to her stomach with her other hand. But luckily, and almost unbelievably, Dani is alive.

“A-Arizona.” Dani moans, looking over at her through the thick smoke of the wreckage. When, through the smog, she makes contact with those bottled blues, a faint smile appears on her lips. Arizona is not the only one relieved to see her new found friend alive, “th-there was a crash, right?” Arizona looks at her through teary eyes as she tries to nod, but the brief movement is enough to send another radiating shock of paint through her.

“Y-yeah. The plane went down.” Arizona groans, her hand still caressing her stomach lovingly, “are you… are you okay?” Dani almost laughs at the question, and she probably would have, had she not just endured probably one of the most life threatening events in her entire life.

“F-Fuck no. You? The baby?” Dani husks. Arizona smiles over at the woman who eyes her in concern and worry.

“We’re okay. I- I mean, I’m in a lot of pain but the baby… the baby’s alive. So, I gotta survive. The baby’s life is already going to be hard enough; it doesn’t need to lose a parent like this.” Arizona stutters softly, trying to keep what strength she has for later. She sighs as she closes her eyes for a brief moment and she sees her entire life flash behind her closed lids. Her life with Calliope, with their baby. She sees all the laughter, the love, the happiness, she sees every ray of sunshine and every beautiful sunset, she sees love. And she swears that is just enough to keep her going, even if it is a fabrication of her own imagination.

“Do you smell that?” Dani groans, rubbing the nape of her neck desperate to rid the strained muscle that is clearly very evident there. Arizona inhales deeply as the stomach churning scent fills her nostrils. The scent of gasoline, of death, the scent of everything she ever wanted slipping through her fingers. Opening her eyes once more, she looks over at the woman with a disheartening sigh, wondering how the two of them ever got into this mess.

“It’s gas. You have to get out of here. The pl-plane is going to blow.” Arizona stutters and Dani looks at her with a wrinkled brow.

“We have to get out of here.” Dani instructs as she undoes her seat belt. Arizona finds a new set of tears springing down her cheeks as her heart aches deep in her chest. She watches as Dani grunting, moaning, and gasping in pain slowly rises to her feet. She is hunched over, her uninjured arm grasping at her stomach as she sluggishly takes a few steps, the pain obvious in her body. She walks a little more before she looks back at Arizona, who remains sullen and still. “Arizona.” Dani calls out, taking a few careful steps toward the blond, “Arizona, come on.”

“I can’t.” Arizona mutters.

“What do you mean you can’t? It’s not that hard. Get up. Put one foot in front of the other, it doesn’t matter which one. And you move. You get the hell out of this plane. And you live. Come on.” Dani instructs but Arizona only sits, almost stubbornly and Dani sighs with a groan, “What? What’s the matter?”

“I’m s-stuck.” Arizona whispers almost voicelessly as she looks up at the young woman, “My seat belt. It’s caught. I can’t move. I just… I can’t. You go. He-help with come. You have to get off this plane, you… you have to.” Arizona demands. However, what happens next takes her by complete surprise. Instead of turning and leaving like Dani should have done, she does something else entirely. She bends down, her injured arm hanging by her side and begins to work on the seat belt.

“Dani, go!”

“No, I can get it.”

“Dani, this plane is going to…”

“I can get the seat belt, Arizona.” Dani grunts, tugging on the seat belt.

“Dani, go!”

“No, not without YOU!” Dani almost yells, her eyes colliding with Arizona’s hard. And it’s suddenly, in that moment, Arizona knows that Dani won’t leave her. Because she’s not like everyone else, because Dani was never meant to leave her, especially hanging in a tough situation like the one they are in.

It is in that moment that Arizona realizes Dani is meant to be with her, just like Arizona is meant to be with Dani.

“O-Okay.” Arizona stutters as she too, tries to make quick work of the seat belt, fighting the smile that tries to play upon her already cracked and split lips.

For the past few months, Callie has felt like an outsider, watching life go by through a window. Today is certainly not out of the exception. She stands outside of Arizona's room, peering in through the glass, much like one would do at a zoo at their favorite animal exhibit.

She chuckles inwardly at her own metaphor of the two, because Arizona is certainly not an animal. But if she was, she'd be a zebra. Because zebras are her favorite. She had once told Callie of how zebras stand around their young to make sure they recognize them, along with how they stand up when they sleep, how they have excellent hearing and eyesight, how the ears of the zebra show its mood and a whole lot of other useless facts that Callie simply brushed away with a dotting smile and loving caresses.

But now, she wished she had paid more attention to her. She wishes that she would have hung on to every word like it was the very last one she would ever hear. Because all those useless facts about zebras and everything else, well, Arizona can't remember it. Just like Arizona can't remember her. She can't remember all the laughter and the love and the really good sex that left Callie walking funny, she can't remember all the stupid little fights and the arguments that they had over nothing; she can't remember how they are meant to be together. Callie swore nothing hurt as bad as Arizona leaving for Africa, but the fact that the love of her life is just feet in front of her and cannot remember a single detail about their life, well, that hurts a hell of a lot worse.

Callie slumps a little outside of the window, her fingers gently sliding down the cool window trim. She feels like something broke inside of her, like something completely snapped in two and no amount of super glue and praying would fix it. There is something about having the mother of your child call out someone else's name, and then not remember you within the same ten minutes, that just does something to a person. And suddenly it takes all the anger and hurt and aggression away, all the previous pain that she thought she might have felt, is nothing compared to the knowledge that her own lover doesn't remember her. Suddenly, Callie does not know whether to be angry, hurt, sad, happy, or just cry about all of the above. So instead, she does neither. She just stands still and emotionless.

She stands unmoving because she's sure that one more movement will crush her completely.

She can't remember a time like this: a time when she felt so incredibly helpless and lost in her entire life. When she found out about George and Izzie, she knew she had to get a divorce. When Erica Hahn abruptly left her in the middle of the parking lot, she knew she had to lay low for a few days to gather her bearings. When Arizona left for Africa, she knew that she should have gone after her. But now, she finds herself stuck in an in between, the in between of overstepping the boundaries and doing far too much for her lover and not doing anything at all.

Looking in at Arizona, Callie finds there is heaviness in her heart; a heaviness of guilt, of regret, a heaviness of unexplained hurt and anger, and a heaviness of the utmost fear of the unknown. There is a heaviness in her heart that reminds Calliope Torres of just how alone she really is and how alone Arizona must feel like she is now, finding herself in a place with people that she does not quite remember.

The tears are crowding within her eyes when Derek approaches her and she hangs her head, trying to keep them from falling once more. For a long moment, Derek says nothing, but he stands beside of her, solemn and strong, just like the man that Callie remembers him being. Gently, he reaches out, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly before she lets out the heaviest of sighs.

"She doesn't remember me." It's more of a statement to herself than directed at the Neurosurgeon but, nevertheless, Derek nods his head.

"No, she doesn't." Derek sighs a little, turning to face the raven haired beauty, "but she will. Maybe not right now, and maybe not for a few days but she will. She has something like a black out in her memory right now. She remembers certain things and certain events and a lot of her memories are going to be foggy. At least for a little while. But you can't take that to heart, Dr. Torres. Because she's been through a very traumatic situation and her brain, much like her body, is still healing from all that. Things are going to be touch and go with her memory for a little while but it doesn't mean she won't remember you or the love that the two of you had." Derek tries to comfort the Latina. Callie almost chuckles and cries at the same time, creating the most awkward sound escaping from her as she turns to face her best friend's ex-husband, her face pale and suddenly very ridden with all the emotions that she feels.

"What if I don't want her to remember?" Callie begins and Derek looks at her inquisitively. Callie sighs deeply, looking back in at the golden haired woman who she loves so dearly, the woman who somehow manages to hold every single piece of her shattered heart.

"I just… I want her to remember the good times, I want her to remember what it was like before the…. You know…" Callie stops short, looking at Derek with pleading eyes and the man only nods his head, looking at her with his sympathetic baby blues, "I was a monster when she left. I know that people around here… they feel sorry for me. They think that I've moved on and I'm sleeping with Mark and they think all these things about us but…it was my fault. That she left. I wasn't… dealing. With the miscarriage… with all of it, really. And I took it out on her and she left, which I mean, you can't really blame her, because…" Callie's rambling in a fit of cries and Derek sighs, squeezing his hand upon her shoulder.

"Callie, you can't live in the past, you can't blame yourself for what happened. The two of you suffered a great loss. And I know… trust me; I know how that can affect a relationship. And I know it can derail you, as a person and as a couple. Things like that, they happen and you can't shoulder all the blame." Derek explains but Callie shakes her head with a sniffle.

"Aren't you listening? It's my fault she left. She left because of me."

"And she came back because of you." Derek states and the declaration, at least under this ray of light, catches Callie entirely off guard. A sudden rush of hope swells in her heart as her eyes break from gazing at Arizona to Derek who has this sudden new look in his eyes. A look of hope and faith and consideration, a look of love and determination, a look that Callie has only seen written within those bottled blues once, and that had been when Addison Montgomery was around.

"She had the best doctors with her in Africa, a new life, a change of scenery and she was making great strides in the health care of children in that area. She had become one of their heroes. And that's one of the greatest things you can ever experience as a doctor. That you're saving someone's life, that you are changing someone's life for the better. And she was. But she wasn't happy. At least, not without you. And so, she came back for you, to be with you, to raise your daughter together, because she still loves you." Derek explains and Callie looks at him with almost big, schoolgirl eyes. She looks back in at Arizona with a swallow and another disheartening sigh.

"But she doesn't remember me, Derek."

"No. But she will. But you have to try, Callie. You can't just walk away because she can't remember who you are right now. You have to give her a reason to remember, give her something that might jog her memory. She needs you and you need her, whether the two of you are together or not. You're the key to her memory, at least, momentarily. So, you want her to remember you? Then, make her." Derek enlightens, sharing one last gaze with the Latina before he turns and goes back on his rounds.

Observing the mother of her child, Callie inhales a long breath. What if Derek is right? What if the only way Arizona will remember her and their life together is if she makes her? Still, she sighs in a groan, she does not want her to remember the way that things were when she left. She doesn't want her to remember all the fighting, the arguing, the bickering and the belittling, she does not want her to remember all the terrible things that happened that led to this entire ordeal. Which is unfair, she knows, with a soft hang of her head. But if she remembers what a monster she had been, then maybe she would leave again. And losing Arizona twice? Well, that is something that Calliope Torres, even on her best day, is not strong enough to handle.

Biting her bottom lip nervously, she takes a few thoughtful steps toward the door, her heart pounding loudly in her ears. There is something new about this, something that reminds her of their very first date, of their first time, of their first I love you's. There is something about this that reminds her of a beginning. And it's in that moment, she realizes that it is. It is a new beginning, a new chance for the two of them, a new chance for love. It is a new chance, a new start for the two of them to get it right.

Leaning in the doorway, she looks at Arizona and her heart swells. Just like that night at Joe's when Arizona, a mere stranger to her at the time, kissed her out of the blue after telling her people would be lining up for her. Just like after their first time when Arizona traced shapes into her stomach as they both panted to catch their breath. Just like after Arizona's birthday when she told her that she loved her. And like after the shooting when Arizona told her that she could not live without her and their ten kids. Seeing Arizona breathes new life into Callie, even after all this time, and she knows that it is something that will never change.

Swallowing her fear, the raven haired beauty walks into the room, biting her bottom lip apprehensively. She knows Arizona will not remember her, but there is this part of her that just hopes for some kind of miracle, some kind of modern day marvel to occur and bring the old Arizona back.

However, when Arizona's fuzzy blue eyes find her, she knows that Arizona is millions of miles away. Perhaps she is still on the plane with the woman she affectingly calls out for, or maybe she is still in Africa saving lives, or maybe she is still all those years away before the kiss in Joe's bathroom ever occurred. But nevertheless, the old Arizona is lost somewhere inside of this ghost of the woman, and Callie is desperate to bring her back, not only for her but for their daughter as well.

For a long moment, neither of the women says anything as Callie takes her seat at Arizona's bedside, nervously playing with her hands as she laces and unlaces her fingers over and over again. The words are lost somewhere inside of her, all the things that she wanted to say to Arizona but all the chances she wasted. There is so many things she wants to tell her, so many amazing things she wants to promise her, so many things she wants to express to her, like how sorry she is, and how much she loves her, so many things that she wants to say but she just can't. At least, not quite yet.

"I know you want me to remember you and I know that it hurts you that I don't. I am really sorry. I do not mean to hurt you." Arizona whispers hoarsely and Callie looks up at her with teary eyes, a bewildered expression upon her face and a wrinkled brow to take place of the intriguing questions she wants to ask. Arizona sighs softly, rolling her head back as she stares up at the ceiling, the silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

"The people here seem really nice. That man that was just in here a few minutes ago? The one with the great hair? He seems like a nice guy and it seemed to really bother him that I can't remember who he is or where I am. I wish I did. I really wish I could because this seems like a wonderful place and I am sure I have a super life here. I just hate that I can't remember anything about it. It makes me feel worthless. And awful. And like I'm just some kind of zombie, being dropped into a life I know nothing about." Arizona mutters a little, before she looks over at Callie.

"And it kills me because I see the way you look at me. Or, well, the old me. And I want to remember that. I want to love you the way that you obviously love me. And it kills me that I cannot. You look at me like I am the reason you are alive, like I am the very best thing that has ever happened to you, like I'm the reason blood courses through her veins. You look at me like I am everything to you. And I want to remember that. I want to remember that feeling. I want to remember everything about you and I can't." She mumbles and Callie shakes her head, taking Arizona's hand within her own in a gentle reassuring squeeze.

"You'll remember. It'll just take time, but you'll remember. And I'll be here." Callie smiles reassuringly. For the moment, it seems to soothe Arizona as she falls quiet, staring rather blankly off at something in the distance. Callie almost wants to ask her what she is thinking, but she knows that it is not her place to ask her those kinds of questions anymore. And quite possibly, it may never be her business to ask her that ever again.

"Besides, I should be the one apologizing to you." Callie whispers and Arizona looks at her, her golden brow wrinkled in perplexity.

"How do you figure?"

"I just should be. I should be apologizing for a lot of things."

"Hey, I don't think…" But Callie stops her short with a snort.

"Damn it, Arizona, I'm trying to apologize here. Could you just let me?" Callie groans and Arizona recoils slightly with a quiet nod of her head. Sighing at her surprising viciousness, Callie runs her fingers through her hair before she continues, "I'm just sorry, okay?" She sniffles. Callie expects silence, however, what comes next, surprises her.

"I forgive you." Instantaneously, Callie's head snaps up in bewilderment.

"What? You can't. You don't even remember what happened. You can't just decide that you forgive me, you don't even know me. It's… it's too much to just forgive." Callie mumbles, stumbling over her words and Arizona, wincingly, shrugs as a soft smile plays on her cracked lips.

"Well, that's just too bad. Because I do." Arizona replies and the response bring tears to Callie's eyes. She gasps softly, trying to catch a breath that Arizona unknowingly stole from her. For a moment, neither of the women says anything as Arizona smiles at her. Feeling the blush curl within her cheeks, Callie grabs the remote and turns on the television.

"How about we watch some television? Cable is crap here but maybe you'll see something you like." Callie smiles, flipping through the channels, then, she stops on a channel that is showing a movie about a big eared elephant and she cannot help but smile. Looking over at Arizona, she sits the remote on the nightstand, "Dumbo. It's your favorite. You think it teaches a very important lesson about judging people by their looks. Plus, you think the baby elephant is super cute." Practically beaming, Arizona nods her head, snuggling down in the bed.

"Sounds terrific." She beams and Callie can't help but laugh.

Almost an hour and a half later, the credits for Dumbo begin to roll and Callie finds herself humming along with the songs. The badass part of her wants to cringe for remotely knowing the tune to a Disney classic; however the much larger part, the part that is irrevocably in love with Arizona Robbins, can't help but smile at her ability to hum along with the melody. Reaching behind her, she grabs the remote and turns the television off with a quick press of a button. Turning, she looks to Arizona who, not surprisingly, is fast asleep.

Arizona always manages to fall asleep while watching Disney movies, it's like a tradition. And seeing that even after all these months, a plane crash, and possible irreversible brain trauma later, Arizona is still Arizona.

Smiling softly, Callie finds a peace wash over her watching the woman slumber. Somewhere in the back of her mind is still the ping of hurt and betrayal that Arizona had kept their daughter such a secret for such a long time, somewhere inside of her she is still hurting about the fact that Arizona left for Africa. But all of it, somehow, seems to fade away at the sight of slumbering Arizona, at the sight of her lover before her. She is safe and unbelievably lucky, considering most of the passengers did not have such luck. Somehow the gratefulness manages to cross out the anger and hurt, at least for now.

Leaning forward, Callie places a gentle kiss upon Arizona's forehead with a tender smile.

"Sweet dreams, my love and sleep well. Te amo, Arizona." Callie whispers, placing another soft kiss upon the blonde's forehead. She watches her for a long, quiet moment, more adorning her than actually expecting something from her. Smiling fondly at the mother of her child, Callie turns to leave, taking a few steps. However, what happens next is quite the surprise. Instead of making the getaway like Callie had planned, Arizona's fingers wrapped around her wrist stops her immediately.

Turning back, she finds a pair of familiar bottled blues staring into her own. The grogginess and fuzziness that had been there an hour before is not as apparent as it once had been. These are familiar eyes now, the eyes that she had once seen her entire future in, the eyes she had been waiting to see for the past seven months. The reassuring swirls of cobalt blue send a rush through Calliope, one that leaves her knees nearly buckling.

"C-Calliope." Arizona croaks and Callie looks at her with tear filled eyes. Arizona blinks, swallowing hard as she looks at her, "s-stay. Pl-Please. St-stay." And Callie, unsure of what to do, simply does nothing, but stands and stares at the woman. The woman who now remembers her, or at least, remembers her name, her lips quivering as she struggles to find the strength inside of her to do or say something. Blinking back the tears, she finds herself smiling, unaware of how long she has been doing it and then, perhaps the most profound and situational changing two syllable word falls from her lips in a hushed sniffle.

"Okay."