Sanctuary
Sanctuary
Summary: "I don't know what it's like to have a father but I do know what it's like to have a sister and it's good." Meredith gets her moment with Lexie.
Spoilers: 8x24
Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
" I'm not stalking. I just- I hate apples. Hate them. They shouldn't be allowed to be a fruit. That's one. And, two- I can draw really, really well on an etch-a-sketch, like really well, like I could be a professional if you know, that profession existed. I play the trombone, badly. Uh, I like Math. And I noticed that you do this thing with your hands when you're trying to make a point. Like- like this- with your hands. And, I know that's about you, but I- I do it too. So, it's also about me. So, that's five. Five things that I'm hoping will make it a little bit harder for you to hate me." - Lexie Grey
"Meredith, you should come….help Lexie." Cristina's voice still rings in her ear as she clumsy tries to make her way through the forest, the choking cry in the back of her throat. She does not know how this could be happening to them, not again, not after everything they have been through. Two years ago, a deranged gunman entered the hospital and shot her husband. A year ago, her marriage was on the rocks, and she was not exactly sure that she would have a husband at the end of it. Now, their plane crashed. Their plane fucking crashed and her husband is missing and her sister is certainly not okay by the tone of Cristina's voice. If Meredith Grey did not know any better, she would swear that she was cursed, you know if she believed in that sort of thing.
Struggling to catch a breath, she pushes through the trees and the vines, through the brushes and the briars, ignoring all the scratches, scrapes and cuts that she receives on the way. She stumbles through the gathering of rotting leaves and through the marshy mud that slushes over her shoes as she tugs the coat around her tighter, the lump in her throat getting thicker and thicker with the closer she gets to crash site. She hates moments like this, moments when she wishes she was more athletic or outdoorsy or just a little bit of something that may make her a little bit quicker so that she could get to her sister faster.
She inhales deeply, curving her hand around her waist as a sharp pain radiates in her core and she chokes a soft cry. She hates that she never gave her a chance in the beginning, how she pushed her away, how she hated her for taking Thatcher away. She hates herself for doing all those terrible things to her own sister and never truly apologizing for it, and now she may very well never have the chance.
Gasping loudly as she inhales sharply, she pushes through the brush and gathering of trees with a disgruntled groan until she appears on the other side. In front of her is a sight that makes her stomach churn tightly, makes her palms grow clammy, creates the coldest sweat to drip down the back of her neck and makes her heart skip a few beats before breaking deeply in her chest. Before her are the remains of the plane, shattered and dissected all over the ground, heavy cloud of smoke rising from the different sections. Clothes, luggage and other items scattered around the ground, creating a mess of things. Her eyes dart around the scene, looking frantically to find her sister standing, slumping, or sitting near the remains of the plane. And then she sees Mark, with his head in his hands, crying.
No.
"Lexie!" Meredith bellows in the most heart wrenching scream. Choking on a cry, Meredith tugs at the coat around her before she races across the scene, careful not to trip over airplane parts or discarded luggage and clothing. Her body protests in soreness from the impact as she scampers toward her husband's best friend.
"Meredith." Mark calls her name softly, his voice shaking with the cry that is hanging in the back of his throat. His eyes are glossy with tears and pure exhaustion, his face looks as if he has aged nearly twenty years since she last saw him. His eyes are pain stricken, worry filled and depressed, it is as if she is looking at a complete stranger now, rather than the man who had somehow managed to become just as much a part of her family as Derek, Zola and Lexie.
"Where is she? How is she?" Meredith demands as she struggles to find some sort of strength deep within as she glares at the golden haired man before her, searching him for answers. Mark only sighs, licking his lips softly as he closes his eyes with a deep inhale, placing his hands on her shoulder.
"Meredith, I think you need to…"
"Where is she, Mark?"
"Meredith?" A very tiny and fragile voice calls out to her. Lexie. Leaning down a little, the blonde sees a crumbled body lying just under the tail of the plane and her heart plummets to her stomach. No. Frantically looking for reassurance, her eyes dart up to find Mark who cups his hand over his mouth, the tears brimming within his own tiresome eyes. The lump thickens in her throat as she pushes back the sob that is determined to come out, closing her eyes tightly to fight off the tears before she softly crouches down. Lying there, fragile, weak, pale, bleeding is her beautiful baby sister. It is her beautiful baby sister who had done everything in her ability to create a better sisterhood with her, her sister who was successful without even trying and did sweet things for Meredith when the oldest Grey did not even ask her too. She is the one person out of the six of them who certainly did not deserve to be like this.
"Oh my God, Lex." Meredith breathes before she even realizes it. The statement causes Little Grey to force a weak smile upon her lips as she coughs a little, a fresh pool of blood dripping down the corner of her lips. Meredith feels her heart permanently shatter deep within her, beyond any repair. God, how could this be happening?
"Y-yeah, I know i-it's b-bad." Lexie chokes on the blood, wincing slightly and Meredith shakes her head sniffling, reaching out as she softly intertwines her fingers with her sister's. She has been in numerous emergency situations like this: the ferry boat accident, the bombing, the ambulance accident, but this situation is entirely different than all the rest she has encountered. This is not just some stranger who somehow managed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, this is her sister.
"Can't we lift this off her? Maybe if we lifted it, we could see the extent of her injuries and we could tie off the bleeders and we could…" Meredith's voice trails off when Mark simply shakes his head and Lexie gives a slight reassuring squeeze, regaining her sister's attention.
"I am dying." Lexie states and Meredith shakes her head fervently, the tears gleaming in her eyes.
"No. You're not allowed to die today. You can't die today. Not here, not like this. Not trapped underneath the back of the plane in some forest miles away from civilization. No. You are supposed to die an old woman, peacefully in your sleep while you are being held by the man that you spent sixty years of your life with while having kids and grandkids to remember you and tell your story. You're not going to die today. You're not allowed." Meredith exclaims, clinching her jaw tightly as those brimming tears threaten to fall.
"Mer…"
"No, Lexie!" Meredith pleads, her voice cracking and for the first time a cry escapes from her. But she is not necessarily crying for herself, but she is crying for Lexie, for her beautifully brave and brilliant baby sister who is trapped like this, who is clearly anything but okay right now. Lexie winces with a soft chuckle, gasping for a breath of air as she stares blankly upward, trying to keep her own tears at bay, knowing she would only exert more energy by doing so.
"I'm g-going to miss it. I am going to m-miss all of it." Lexie gasps quietly, searching for a pained breath, "I'm going to miss y-your life with D-Derek… Z-Zola growing up…you being a bad a-ass surgeon who puts all those s-stupid interns in their place…you and D-Derek having another baby…my life with M-Mark…Sofia growing…I am going to miss a-all of it. I am going to miss everything." She is shaking, Meredith notices this and she bites her bottom lip to suppress the cry, knowing that it is anything but a good sign.
"I-I am not scared of dying. I know most people are, but I'm not. I'm just… scared of m-missing it." Lexie trembles, looking back over at her sister with misty eyes, forcing a pained weak smile at her, "of missing you." The words break Meredith Grey in such a way that nothing has ever hurt before; not Derek's breaking up, or Ellis, or losing the baby, none of it hurt nearly as bad as the pain of seeing her baby sister slowly die right before her very eyes.
"Lexie, please. Don't… don't do this. Mark needs you… Derek needs you… I need you. Please." Meredith begs, squeezing the younger woman's hand within her own. Lexie looks at her sister sympathetically, panting to catch a breath as her body continues to tremble beneath the crushing plane.
"When I-I first came to Seattle, you hated me. Like r-really hated me." Lexie pauses with a chuckle, creating a new trickle of blood to ooze from the corner of her mouth and Meredith chokes back another powerful cry in the back of her throat, "I-I was just the girl with the same last name as you. The g-girl with the same father, even though you hate Thatcher. All I wanted was to be close to you, to get to know you. Dad is so… so proud of you, Mer. You're… he is so sorry about what happened with your mom and you and… I just h-had to see you. Then I ended up staying, doing my internship with George and then you and I…" Lexie trails off; gasping for a gentle breath of air and Meredith shakes her head, squeezing her hand harder.
"You were the girl my father did not come and see me for. You were a part of his new family and as far as I was concerned, I didn't want anything to do with you or Thatcher, which in hindsight wasn't really fair because it wasn't your fault that Thatcher was an absentee father. I blew so much time with you. So much time that we could have spent together as friends, as sisters. So that's why you have to hang on. You're the only family that I have, Lexie. You're the only family that I want to have. You don't get to just die and leave me here all alone." Meredith exclaims and Lexie looks at her through distressed eyes, wheezing quietly as her chest rattles, quite obviously filling with blood.
"But y-you're not alone. Y-you have another family now. You have D-Derek and y-you have Z-Zola and C-Cristina is your person and…"
"Damn it, Lexie! You are my sister! You are my only sister! Except for Molly, who I have seen only once in my entire life, a very brief moment when she was here when her kid was delivered early. God, Susan was so overly annoying those days, trying to be a mother." Meredith pauses with a soft laugh and Lexie smiles gently at her, "You are my sister and I love you. And I want us to be the sisters who are in the nursing home together and we joke one another about the creepy old man down the hall. You are my blood. You are my best friend." Meredith cries, crouching herself closer to her younger sister who looks at her with the softest smile upon her face. Gently, Lexie reaches up, softly caressing Meredith's cheek, biting her bottom lip softly.
"I-I never belonged. A-At least not with Molly. She was an okay sister but she wasn't what I was looking for… you were. I-I just wanted to b-be your little s-sister. I wanted to k-know you, be l-like you. I just… I wanted you to love me. Because I have loved you my w-whole life. And you are the best sister." Lexie chokes on the blood thickening in her throat as the tears fall from Meredith's eyes freely, a whimpering cry escaping from her lips.
"I love you. Don't you know that? Don't you know? I love you. I can't lose you." Meredith cries and Lexie sighs weakly, the tears falling from her own jaded eyes now. Softly, she wipes the tears away from Meredith's cheeks with a brush of her thumb, moaning under the pressure of the plane.
"You c-could n-never l-lose me. I'm l-little Grey, remember?" Lexie offers with a weak smile.
"Lexie..."
"D-death is a part of life, Mer. My mother died from a c-case of the h-hiccups. Your mother d-died from cardiac issues along with A-Alzheimer's. T-this is how it is going to happen for m-me. But you will never lose me, I-I am a part of you, f-forever. I am in your blood, i-in your h-heart. I am n-not gone. I-I will be here, with you, in you, w-with Zola. O-on a sunny day, i-in the wind. E-everywhere you will be, I will be too." Lexie struggles for a mere breath at this point as Meredith looks down at her sister through her tear filled eyes, her heart cracking deeper in her chest.
"If you could just hold on… we could get help. We could…" Meredith trails off when Lexie closes her eyes with a pained groan, coughing desperately, creating a new spew of blood and Meredith looks away, a heart wrenching cry escaping from her lips.
"M-Meredith…"
"God, Lexie, I am so sorry." Meredith sobs, looking down at the younger woman who only looks up at her through slanted, half closed eyes, "I am so sorry about all of this. I am sorry about the way that I treated you when you first came here, I am sorry about the way Cristina treated you. I am sorry that I was so angry with you over something that was not even your fault. I am sorry that I made you the bad guy. I am sorry about all of this. I am sorry that you were in the back of the plane. You should have been in the front, we should have changed seats. I am sorry that I can't… damn it… I am so sorry." Lexie shakes her head weakly, carefully stroking Meredith's cheek with a sniffle.
"It's okay…"
"No, it's not! Nothing about this is okay!" Meredith shrieks and Lexie smiles ever so weakly.
"But I forgive you." Lexie whispers and Meredith shakes her head, outwardly sobbing. She feels like her entire world is falling apart, like everything that she ever knew is suddenly being ripped out from under. It is like someone reached in with an icy cold hand and jerked her heart out of her chest, throwing it on the ground and crushing it. Lexie Grey is far more than just a sister and Meredith hates that it took her this long, until this very moment, to realize just how much she means to her.
"You can't. It's too much…"
"But I forgive you." Lexie chokes in a gasping cry, looking up at Meredith with so much love in her drained eyes. Meredith licks her lips in a hard exhale, wondering when this radiating pain in her chest will ever end.
"Don't you know how much you mean to me, Lexie?" Meredith cries and Lexie nods weakly, softly caressing her older sister's cheek softly. She inhales another shaking, rattled breath as closes her eyes for the longest moment and when she opens them, Meredith knows that it is soon, whether either of them are ready or not. Staring blankly at something just past Meredith's shoulder and she smiles, a genuine pain free smile that creates a whole new set of tears within the older woman's eyes as her heart breaks deeper and heavier in her chest.
"My mom's here." Lexie whispers without a gasp or a stutter and Meredith chokes on her cry. She knows it is happening, that her body is giving way to the pain and the internal bleeding, that her body is producing more and more endorphins; her breathing is becoming shallower, each heart beat slower than the last. It's happening.
"No." Meredith murmurs, looking over her shoulder frantically in a sobbing roar, "You can't have her, Susan! Not now! Not like this! You can't take her from me! Please!" The older sister practically screams at no-one and Lexie labors in a heavy breath, tenderly stroking her face. "Lexie…just hold on, hold on… please…"
"I love you." Lexie exclaims and Meredith shakes her head, bawling.
"I love you too." Meredith cries.
"You are more than ordinary, Meredith Grey." Lexie smiles up at her sister, in an infamous parallel to what Ellis had told her in the afterlife. Lexie groans in a gasping breath one last time as her heart takes its final beat, her hand falling from Meredith's cheek, thumping onto the cold soil of the ground beneath them.
In the second that her sister's heart stops beating Meredith feels warmth and a rush consume her; a rush tingling from her head to her toes, creating a quickening pace in her heart and butterflies in her stomach. She feels all the love in the world surround her, so much joy and happiness and fondness hugs her in the tightest embrace. And then as fast as it comes, it goes with the next passing second, leaving her limp and cold. Choking on the cries and sobs that now erupt from her, Meredith stares down at her baby sister's lifeless body.
"Goodbye, Lexie." Meredith states so quietly, reaching forward as she shuts her sister's eyes for the very last time. Closing her eyes to keep the tears in, she can see her. Her bright beautiful face framed by that gorgeous brunette hair, she can hear her cheerful laugh, her squeal when she hit her with something, she can hear her voice telling her all those useless facts about stuff that didn't even matter. She can feel her arms around her, her heart beat against hers. She can feel Lexie in every breath she takes.
Slumping back against the ground, Meredith buries her face in her hands as she slowly breathes in the memory of her sister. Lexie may be physically gone, but Meredith knows that her sister is not lost forever, her sister lives inside of her, and her spirit consumes the world around her. And she will live in that sanctuary, the sanctuary of knowing how deeply she loves her sister and how much her sister loves her too, something even death cannot change.