Don't
Don't
Beta: sekana84
Summary: “I know we are broken up and I know that I have no right to ask this of you, but you.. you can't marry him. Please don't marry him.” Lea makes one last heart felt request to Dianna in hope of salvaging what is left of their love.
Pairings: Dianna Agron/Lea Michele. Dianna Agron/Alex Pettyfer.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings and events thereof, are properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
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“Today, I thought about the moment I could have said I loved her
And promised her forever together
Today, today it really hit me
That she don't really miss me
She's found a new beginning
And I'm wishing I had one more chance
God knows it's too late for that”
Today- Gary Allan
The room is alive with the hushed chatter of the cast and friends, people making polite chit-chat, asking for more horderves and another glass of wine; alive with excitement, with old friends catching up on one another's social life and lover's finding new igniting passion. Lea had always been one for parties but this one had certainly not been one for her taste, an engagement party, Dianna's engagement party, more importantly, Dianna's engagement party to Alex.
To Alex.
Not her.
It should be her.
Standing in the corner of the room in her adoring red dress, Lea nurses her third glass of wine, or is it her fourth? Hell, she can't remember now as she takes another long swig of the alcoholic beverage, sighing desperately in hopes of numbing the pain that now aches her to the core. She watches them, the beaming people that surround Dianna, cooing endlessly over her dress, over her apartment, her beautiful fiance, her beautiful ring and her stomach churns in disgust. She does not know how much more of this she can take, how much pain can put herself through with a fake smile upon her face.
She doesn't know what happened, well, she chuckles quietly, she is pretty sure she has an idea. But it doesn't matter now, the fame, the flashing lights, the cameras, the interviews, none of that matters anymore. Not without Dianna by her side. And she wishes, oh God, how she wishes, that she could just take it all back. That she could just say that she didn't mean it, apologize, try again, start over.
But unfortunately, there are no do-overs in life. Just painful and lonely reality.
And that reality is the center of attention tonight, that reality is the diamond upon her left hand supported by the silver band, that reality is the wedding that Lea knows Dianna has already planned in her head.
She has lost her for good this time, she winces as she takes another swig of her alcohol. A part of her wishes that would have never come tonight, that she was not torturing herself in such a way but Dianna had so kindly asked her and when Dianna asks, Lea just cannot say no. She supposes it is one thing that will never change, no matter what the status of their relationship may be. Just like the passionate love that she has for her will never die, despite the fact that in a few months she will be pledging her life and love to another man.
With another drink of the wine, Lea almost feels her heart shatter in her chest when she hears that giggling laugh; the laugh of happiness, the laugh that is the most perfect melody to ever meet her ears. How could she not see it? How could she not see that she is the one that she is meant to be with? How could she not see how being here now is eating away at her, tearing her apart inside? How could she not see how perfect, how right they are together? How could she even consider marrying Alex instead of her? Groaning, she tangles her fingers in her hair, pulling just slightly as the burning tears brim within her chocolate eyes.
How could this have happened? How could a love so destined, so cosmic just simply not be? How could they let their career and their fame come between them in such a way? No matter how many times she questions herself or their relationship or their actions, however, she knows it will never change the outcome. Dianna is getting married to someone else.
“For someone who is a proclaimed party girl, you don't seem to be having much fun,” Chris points out, smiling softly at her as he pushes his way through the crowd of people. She smiles when she notices his high fashioned suit and the way that his hair is parted so neatly on the right side. Blue eyes meet her pained brown and she knows that he can see straight through her, into her, she knows that he can feel the pain that she is in right now.
“I thought a big social gathering like this would be your fortè. Not feeling very social tonight?” intrigues Chris as he leans against the snack table with Lea, swirling the wine in his own glass. Glancing over at the dressed to impress boy, Lea can't help but smile at his sweetness and kindness and she finds herself wishing that more people had a heart like his. Despite his challenges, Chris soars with success, he neither buckles under the fame or questions himself when others disagree; she envies him, his strength to stand up for what he wants, even when the rest of the world is walking away.
“She is going to marry him,” Lea replies in a whisper that is barely audible, her lips forming the saddest of frowns as she traces the top of her glass with her thumb. Looking up from under her long eyelashes, she watches as Dianna's face lights up in a smile, offering her hand to Amber as she shows off the sparkling diamond and they both squeal in giggles. The tears cloud in her eyes yet again, biting desperately upon her bottom lip to keep them from springing down her cheeks and creating an unnecessary scene.
“I thought you were happy for her. When she told you, you were all 'oh my gosh, congratulations! Do I get to be the maid of honor?!'” Chris mocks in a girlish voice with a taunting grin as Lea rolls her eyes, nudging him hard, “besides, weren't you the one who said that Alex was a good for her and their babies would be beautiful?”
“He isn't as good to her as I am! I bet he doesn't hold her hair back while she is throwing up or knows that she likes to watch Dirty Dancing while wearing those penguin pajamas and curled up under a blanket. He doesn't know that she is afraid of thunderstorms and that she thinks turtles are the cutest animal. He doesn't know that she likes to be romanced, that she likes for you to quote her favorite movies to her and that she secretly has a Michael Jackson's Greatest Hits CD under the front seat of her car! And there is no way their babies will ever be as gorgeous as ours would have been! They are going to look like toe head barbies!” Lea rants all in one breath before she takes another long and final drink of her wine. To this, Chris only laughs, licking his lips as he studies his best friend, shaking his head slightly.
“My, my, my someone has been bitten by the green eyed monster,” laughs Chris, “I guess being the best friend and being the ex-girlfriend is not as easy as one would first presume, hmm? You can't exactly turn off your feelings for someone, Lea, no matter how badly you wish you could.”
“I can't believe that she is marrying Alex. Alex isn't even her type! Di's never been the one to fall for pretty boys with long eyelashes and a smile that I am sure he has flashed at a thousand other girls to get his way. It should be me,” Lea states in a huffing pout, “I should have been the one to ask her to marry me on top of the roof that has an outstretching view of the city. I should have been the one who told her how beautiful she is, how she lights up my life, how she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She should have heard it from me when she was told how perfectly amazing she is. She should have agreed to spend the rest of her life with me, have little rugrats with me. It should have been me.”
“So, why isn't it?” Chris pushes and Lea recoils with a sniffling pout as she takes another glass of wine from the table behind her, running her fingers through her disheveled mess of hair.
“Because sometimes, no matter how fortunate you may be, life doesn't always work out the way that it is supposed to,” Lea replies, swirling the light colored alcoholic beverage in her glass before taking a soft drink. Her eyes watch Dianna as she talks absently to Heather and Naya. Suddenly hazel eyes find their way across the room and straight into hers and for a second, Lea swears that she forgets how to breathe.
“Life doesn't work out they way it is supposed to or you wouldn't let it?” Chris begins, receiving a wrinkled brow of confusion in response and he sits his glass down, tangling his fingers together as he takes in a breath, preparing himself for this battle. “You and Di are meant to be together but you stopped it from happening. You wouldn't have it. Because if that was true then, that would mean that you were gay and admitting that would hurt your image, destroy the ideal relationship that you have with Theo and just make the whole thought of you and Cory being more than just friends completely ridiculous. You were scared of the way that she made you feel so you ran.”
“Chris...” Lea trails off but the boy continues.
“You were scared of the way that she made you feel, of falling in love with her so you ran. You pushed her away. You pushed her so far away even though she continuously fought to get past those walls, to get inside. You pushed her away because it was easier than admitting the truth. Because pushing her away is easier than admitting that you were holding onto her for dear life. You pushed her away because you were trying to protect her, protect your careers but more importantly yourself. You were afraid of being vulnerable, of being that attached to someone, of having them walk away from you. You were afraid of what people would think, of what it would mean for you as a highly independent person. You pushed her away, because it was easy. But easy doesn't make your skip a beat, easy doesn't keep you awake at night because you are too excited and happy to sleep, easy doesn't make you lose your breath every time that she looks at you. You are better than easy, Lea, you deserve better. And so does she. And now...” She interrupts him.
“And now she is going to marry someone else. Now she is going to marry Alex! And it is all my fault. It is my fault that I am hurting, my fault that our relationship is over, it's all my fault. I see that! Thank you very much! I know it's too late. That I am too late!” Lea wails and Chris only smiles, with a slight shrug of his shoulder.
“She hasn't married him yet,” He states and Lea looks up through her tear filled eyes.
“You are not suggesting...”
“She doesn't love him. You and I both know that. She loves you. She knows it, you know it, I know it, we all know it. So, stop standing here expecting the situation to change and make it change. Go and get your girl, Lea, before I have to kill the both of you. And this is a brand new suit, I would hate to get blood on it,” Chris laughs, rolling his eyes as he takes a drink of his wine.
“Thank you, Chris,” Lea smiles, kissing him upon the cheek before she pushes her way through the crowd in determination of finding Dianna before it became too late.
--
He had been right. She was afraid. Afraid of falling in love, afraid of needing someone so much. She had never expected things to change so quickly between them, for one friendly kiss to turn into a series, for compliments to turn into flirting, for touches to turn so sexual. She had not planned this or expected this; these feelings, this relationship but the point of the matter is they happened, they are still happening and no matter how easy it may be, a person cannot ignore feelings like that.
She catches Dianna's gaze almost immediately when she approaches the crowd that surrounds her. She smiles in her direction, nodding at Heather and Naya who both beam a brilliant grin at her, both aware of the situation that she now finds herself in.
“You look really pretty,” Lea smiles, breaking the uncomfortable silence between her and the gorgeous blond in front of her. When Lea's hazel eyes meet hers, suddenly it all makes sense to her, suddenly she can see it. Their future together, every life changing moment. Every tour, every song, every morning waking up in her arms. Having a beautiful wedding someplace exotic, buying a big house with a pool, getting dogs and fishes and having babies. Two little boys and a girl. Little league. Ballet practice. Explicit happiness. It is all with her. It always has been.
“I am really glad you came,” Dianna smiles before she returns her attention back to Naya and their conversation about who she is going to for her wedding dress. Sighing in defeat, Lea gnaws on her bottom lip, almost attempting to give up on the situation until she feels the quiet nudge of Heather under her left rib. Glancing over, the blond smiles sweetly at her, nodding her head as she pushes her forward, silently encouraging her to continue.
“Dianna,” Lea states, her name falling from her lips as sweet as honey. Her heart rate quickens when the blond looks in her direction and she begins to question how she could ever let this go, how she could ever pretend like the fear was enough to leave her, how she could ever justify that their relationship had not been enough. For a long while, nothing is said between either of the two women, instead Lea's lips turn in an upward smile at Dianna's gaze and the blond simply nods before springing back into conversation with Naya, yet again missing the sign.
“Anyways, my mom thinks that I should wear a Vera Wang, something about it being classy and I am a classy lady but I don't want to wear what every one else is wearing. Besides Vera Wang is very eloquent and I'm not really all about eloquence. I just think...”
“Youcantmarryhim!” Lea exclaims quickly in tumbling words and suddenly, the room and the conversation falls deathly quiet and suddenly she forgets how to breathe. It is like the world falls still around her and it is only her and Dianna, a breath between their lungs, the sounds between their heartbeats.
“Excuse me?” Dianna asks, shaking her head as she takes a step toward Lea who now blinks her eyes furiously, wishing that she was somewhere, anywhere else. Stumbling backwards, her eyes remain fixated upon Dianna who now furies her brow together in confusion.
“You can't marry him,” The brunette sates again, this time much clearer and precise than a few moments earlier. She almost wishes that she had not said it, that she had not said anything but she knows that this is not right. Alex and Dianna. The two of them pretending like they are just friends when everyone could see just how perfect they are for one another. The blond sighs, brushing her hair away from her face as she licks her dry lips, looking out from under those long eyelashes at her beautiful friend.
“Lea...” Her voice is almost scolding now, in such a way that Lea has never heard before. The brunette recoils, biting her bottom lip as she takes another prestigious step backwards, the glistening tears reflecting in her dark eyes.
“Look, I know we are broken up and I know that I have no right to ask anything of you, let alone this.... but you.. you can't marry him. Please don't marry him,” Lea's voice alters, attempting to break as she swallows back the cry in her throat, very much aware of the scene that she is currently the center of. Dianna's lips part, slightly ajar as a gushing sound escapes from her, the surprise and confusion written upon the lines across her face. Lea almost wonders how she didn't see this coming, how she could have thought for a second that she would ever be okay with the idea of her becoming Mrs. Alex Pettyfer.
“Why? Why here? Why now? Why, when you had all the opportunities in the world to pull me aside and tell me about your dislike for my relationship with Alex, did you pick this moment? Here, in front of every one? You're creating a scene, I thought we were done creating scenes together the second that you walked out on me, the second that you...” Dianna trails off with a sigh as she pinches the bridge of her nose, shaking her head slightly, “Why can't I marry him?”
“Don't marry him, Di,” Lea repeats herself, her eyes wide with fear and Dianna growls, rolling her eyes in frustration.
“Why not?”
“You can't marry him.”
“Why not?”
“You just can't!” Lea snaps, her voice raising an octave as she practically screams the response at her ex girlfriend, her arms flailing at her side, the tears pouring from her auburn eyes at this point. She hates herself for it, her inability to hide her emotions, the way that she can never stay in control of a situation without going all in with her heart. It had been the one thing that Dianna loved most about her when they were together and it is now the one thing that continues to make this situation more attention drawing and worse than it has to be.
“Damn it, Lea! You are not going to stand here, crying and screaming and causing a scene and tell me that I can't marry Alex. Alex who held me every time that I cried because of you. Alex, who held my hand through the scary parts of movies and promised me that he wouldn't let me go, no matter what got in the way. Alex, the boy who was willing to give up his career for me. Alex, the boy who is head over heels in love with me without telling me why! I need to know why!” Dianna snaps in a yell and that is when it happens. Within a second, the space between their bodies are closed as Lea's lips collide hard with Dianna's, her fingers tangling in her hair as her hips collide desperately with hers.
In a second, they are kissing.
At Dianna's engagement party.
To another man.
Pulling away, Lea leaves her forehead against Dianna's, rubbing her nose softly against hers as they share an Eskimo kiss, her warm breath spiraling across her face. The blond labors to catch the breath stolen away from her, her heart racing loudly in her ears as hazel eyes stare into the most beautiful pair of auburn eyes, tying to make sense of everything, trying to make sense of herself.
“You just can't,” Lea whispers before she pulls away and darts out of the room, leaving the beautiful blond reeling behind her, suddenly the subject of every hushed whisper and every awkward gawking glare. Dianna sighs, covering her face in her hands before she too, finally breaks down in the tears that have been aching her since seeing Lea hours earlier.
-
Pacing in the bedroom with a cigarette between her hips, Lea tries to understand what just happened. How the scene unfolded so quickly between the two of them and without the use of words. Words, there should have been words, she sighs. There is so much that Dianna needs to hear from her, so many words that she needs to say, so many feelings still left unsaid between the two of them. For an actress who spends the largest portion of her time playing up emotional scenes and pouring her fictional heart out to thousands of teenagers every Tuesday night, when it comes to reality, she simply fails.
Taking a draw from the cigarette, Lea rubs her eyes with her free hand, whimpering silently to herself. For all the things that could have been said, all of the things that should have been said, none of them happened. Instead she allowed her hormones to take over, drive her into kissing an engaged woman in front of a room full of friends and family and potential in law's. How could she make such a fool out of herself like that? More importantly how could she make such a fool out of Dianna in such a way?
The door opens, however, breaking her from her recollection when she finds Dianna standing in the doorway, her arms crossed and her eyes fixated solely upon her. She says no words, simply because no words are needed to explain the situation of the moment, or the feelings that now echo through the silence of the room. Lea sighs, tossing the cigarette out the cracked window, watching as it tumbles onto the ground below. She takes a moment to steady herself against the window sill, catching the breath that Dianna is unknowingly stealing from her, counting all the thoughts that race through her head.
“I know that you are mad,” Lea begins, refusing to turn around but instead picks absently at the chipped paint on the window sill, listening to the sound of the other girl breathing behind her, remembering when it was that sound that put her to sleep every night, “I know that you are really mad and you have every right to be. I mean, your ex-girlfriend just kissed you in a room full of your friends and family and potential in-laws at your engagement party. Your engagement party to a really great guy who is in New York right now finishing filming his movie before he whisks back here to marry you. I made a scene and I made a fool out of both of us. But I am not sorry.” She turns around and when her eyes meet with Dianna's, she forgets how to breathe for a second before she continues to push on.
“I am not sorry that I kissed you because this isn't over. Because we are not over. We have never been over and we never will be. It wasn't over when we broke up that night, it wasn't over when I put all of your stuff in a box and gave it back to you, it wasn't over when I washed my clothes three times to get the smell of you out of them so I would stop crying myself to sleep every night. It wasn't over when I agreed to go out on a date with Theo, when I faked a smile when the reporters asked me about you and why we were not friends anymore, or when I smiled in your direction when you were talking about Alex,” Lea exclaims, taking a step toward Dianna as the blond listens intently as she continues.
“It isn't over. It isn't over because I love you. Because I am in love with you. Because I have loved you every single second of every single day that we were together or apart. Because I never stopped loving you or thinking about you or missing you, whether I was with Theo or not. You don't just get to choose who you love, no matter how easy it may be to do so. I never told you how much I loved you, how in love with you I was, how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I never told you and it was my fault. It is my fault that we aren't together, I know that and I have to live with that every day. But I do love you and I am in love with you, I never stopped and I never will,” Lea states, the tears clouding her eyes and Dianna's lips part as she debates saying something but decides otherwise.
“No wait, just listen. I know this is terrible timing. Especially given the fact that you have guests outside and are planning an extravagant wedding with someone who isn't stupid enough to be afraid of the way that you make them feel but you have to know this. You have to know that I am in love with you and if I ever got a second chance, I would treat you right. I would love you right. I would treat you like the princess that you are and I would never run away or let you go again. We are meant to be together. You and I. We are perfect for each other, we matter, whether I was too blind to see that then or not. I let my career get in the way of my true happiness. Which is you,” Lea sighs, twisting her fingers in her hair as she gazes at the blond who only smiles at her now.
“Lea...”
“And I know that I don't deserve to ask you for a second chance...”
“Stop...”
“And I shouldn't ask, especially now but...”
“Shut up! Just shut the hell up and kiss me already!” Dianna snaps, pulling the engagement ring off as she drops it onto the floor. Lea's face lights up at the notion, a brilliant smile that stops Dianna's heart and steals her breath, a smile that she has missed so dearly. Closing the space between them, Dianna reaches forward, her fingers brushing against the brunette's cheek as she cups it, staring lovingly into her eyes.
“I love you too, Lea. I have always loved you, too,” Dianna whispers before their lips meet in the softest, passionate kiss, as the slows around them until it is only the two of them and the silence between their heart beats. Until it is only the way that it should be, the way it is meant to be.