"and somehow, here is gone..."
Dear World,
I'm sorry I've been hating you so much lately. It really hasn't been fair of me, considering there are plenty of things that are going well. But maybe I'm just getting sick of putting so much effort into some friendships-trying to forgive on the basis of "well, everyone's stressed out," trying to be encouraging, answering yes to almost all favors asked of me-and it's not that I'm just a wonderful person (I'm not) or even that I mind doing it all (I don't). It's just that sometimes I wonder how many of those people would actually care enough to do the same for me.
Yes, some of them would. But in reality, the majority wouldn't.
Granted, I didn't have to put forth the effort in the first place. Maybe I expected too much. Maybe I've naively put far too much weight and significance on my high school friendships. We're all splitting up at the end of the year anyway, right? And I mean, going to the same school and seeing each other on a daily basis hasn't really always kept us all close anyway. Sure we have the general group at "The Table." And yeah, if one or two of us are in a class together, we'll sit in a cluster by default. But I can't count all the people I've been sporadically close to, and then eventually drifted from. Or maybe I just don't like thinking about it.
So maybe it's my fault.
In any case, I didn't have to be a bitch about it.
I'm getting a headache. I need hot tea and sleep.
goodnight.
I'm sorry I've been hating you so much lately. It really hasn't been fair of me, considering there are plenty of things that are going well. But maybe I'm just getting sick of putting so much effort into some friendships-trying to forgive on the basis of "well, everyone's stressed out," trying to be encouraging, answering yes to almost all favors asked of me-and it's not that I'm just a wonderful person (I'm not) or even that I mind doing it all (I don't). It's just that sometimes I wonder how many of those people would actually care enough to do the same for me.
Yes, some of them would. But in reality, the majority wouldn't.
Granted, I didn't have to put forth the effort in the first place. Maybe I expected too much. Maybe I've naively put far too much weight and significance on my high school friendships. We're all splitting up at the end of the year anyway, right? And I mean, going to the same school and seeing each other on a daily basis hasn't really always kept us all close anyway. Sure we have the general group at "The Table." And yeah, if one or two of us are in a class together, we'll sit in a cluster by default. But I can't count all the people I've been sporadically close to, and then eventually drifted from. Or maybe I just don't like thinking about it.
So maybe it's my fault.
In any case, I didn't have to be a bitch about it.
I'm getting a headache. I need hot tea and sleep.
goodnight.