(no subject)
I am currently having a heart to heart discussion with Brittni Troilo.
This girl used to be my day and night. My world. I miss her.
We had a lot of good ass times, and I'll never forget them.
They're irreplacable.
It's just funny how I am sitting here telling her things that I have never even told people that I am EXTREMELY close with.
I don't know why really... I just can since I trusted her completely with anything in the world before... and I guess it just stuck.
brittanywaslike: CHRIST I FEEL LIKE SUE FROM THE SUNDAY NIGHT SEX SHOW
Brittni 7 9 6: hahahha
Yep, I def miss being britt squared.
Highschool is a neverending chain of breaking friendships and linking new ones... It all happens so fast that you don't even realize it until you actually sit back and take a look. I'm graduating next year, which is crazy because lord knows I can't even wake up on my own. I am guessing that college will be the same as my life now in a sense... For instance, Heath and Lex. Two of the people that taught me so much about myself. Now, I only see them on the holidays if I'm lucky or somewhere odd. There's an awkward silence in the air every time because we've all missed out on so much in each others lives that it is almost impossible to catch up. I have hopes of doing it, and when I talk to them, they do as well. We never get around to it, and it's not like we're busy people, because hell, we all find time for AOL. I think it's more of a fear. I don't mean that we're afraid of one another, just afraid of what we might miss with all of our new things that we're into which have importance really, but we all somehow find ourselves torn between missing now, in an attempt to save before. And then there are the Littles. And little Joe. Those were my boys. We could be sitting in a freaking parking lot doing absolutely nothing, and it would still be amazing. All of these simple events have somehow embedded themselves into the shallow, back corners of my mind. I also miss Meggery and Danny. We didn't even hang out long, but I love those people. Those are the kind of people everyone needs. No matter what happens, it's cool when you're with them, and any problems you have when you go to Megs, they're gone. All of them. I can't really explain it, but it was the shit. I'm sure a few of you who are reading this are thinking about the fact that I haven't mentioned any wrong-doing on my part... I've fucked up a few times. I know, and I'm not about to try and cancel it out with 'but who hasn't?' either. So I messed up. Alright. But I highly doubt that I have done anything even remotely bad to any of you except for one person, and I doubt he's reading this. Nothing that anyone has done to you will make any difference in your life, so stop blowing things way up now and wasting your time hating people. It won't matter. Realize that. On to the patterns. Friendship patterns. Turn your back, shift a little, come back with a smile, and repeat. Why? I don't know. But it happens, and by now I've grown to almost be waiting for it. I felt it coming. And so did the rest of you when it happened to you. Realize this, and don't be shocked and upset when they leave you and don't even take a minute to make a casual grin at you when they see you in a gas station or just anywhere. It was the gas station in my case. I'm pretty positive that only a few people will understand the past few sentences, so I'm sorry in advance if I lost you.
A few minutes ago, Andrea, who is an old friend of mine, asked me who I was most afraid of losing when I go to college.(Yea, it's a year away. Only a year away.) I realized that it's not who I would have thought it would be even 2 weeks ago. But it hit me when she asked. Danny, Jamie, and Chelsea. I am deathly afraid of losing Jamie. I've had the girl since third grade, and never once has she judged me in any way. Jamie is such an amazing person. I've gone through everything with Jamie at least twice. And I love her. Danny, well, it's his fault that what I refer to as 'the slap in the face' part of my life happened. When I met Danny, I started noticing so many things that I missed before. And it's so simple. He 'gets' it, I 'get' it... and not many people do. And I love him for it. Then of course there's Chelsea, who hasn't been there quite as long as Jamie, but who I've been through a lot with as well. I have told Chelsea things that I was afraid to even admit to myself. And she always relates to it. She needs out, and I am very excited for her to be graduating this year. And she better go to IUP. And live with me. Because there are not many people that I could take in a small environment for long amounts of time.
Recently in someones info I saw this line... "Love is growing up..." and it is. If I have ever dated you (oh, and I've had my share of quite a few of you...) and I told you I loved you, I didn't. But I thought that I did at that time, and that's as best as it gets until you know what it is. I know what it is. I am speaking of everyone that I have or have previously spent unbelievable times with in my life.
At this point, I feel like this sounds like a goodbye-suicide letter, and it's creeping me out a little... but in a way it is. Parts of me are missing. And I don't want to find them, I would much rather leave them in Monessen High School and get on with my life.
When I read this back to myself, just to see what the hell I've been rambling about, I realized that Cherish isn't in here. And I can't explain why. Granted, we've had all kind of experiences that I can never forget, but I don't see anything right now that I learned from her, besides how to help someone out in various problems throughout their life... if I even did that for her. I'm not speaking of now, but a long time ago. And I'm positive that if she reads this she'll get it.
If you read that and actually got anything from it or understood it, I will kiss you. Hard.
At some point in this everything starts to blur, and it's just me fucking up while putting thoughts together. I'm not about to revise something thats coming from the heart. You're out of your body if you do something like that. How it comes out is the way it is supposed to be. Goodnight.
Danny and Jamie - Fat beats.