and i've become content with this life that i lead

Jan 12, 2005 22:52

Sometimes it bothers me and I ask myself why. Is it because I'm jealous or is it because I'm just looking out for your best interest. I'd like to think it's just because I care about you and want what's best for you. You are my best friend in the world, you always will be no matter how hard I try to get rid of you. We haven't reached a point in all our years together that you have managed to really really disappoint me. The other day it hit me really hard, you told me something I never expected from you. The second sentence out of your mouth was I'm sorry. Now i think, he wouldn't have said that if he didn't think that I would be extremely disappointed. It is an obvious indication that you didn't even like or agree with what you did and that makes me feel better. While it doesn't make me love you any less I just don't understand, I have just always expected better from you. It makes me so angry and I can't stand to talk to you sometimes but then right after I'm stuck not being able to go a day without talking to you. I feel like you have betrayed me but you really haven't, it makes me stop and think about all the mistakes and similar situations that I have put you through and how you must have felt the other way around. You never gave up on me as much as you hated me and couldn't be away from me at the same time. I was just as sorry then as I am now but no ones forgiveness ever meant as much as yours. I know no matter what I ever do or how stupid I am your always gonna be there your a true friend, the best one I could ever ask for. You already know every single bit of what I'm saying and what else I'm going to say, it always seems to work like that. No one knows more about me than you do, it's sad really. But enough of this emo bullshit it's just weird for me because when shit goes wrong your the person I'm suppose to talk to but in this situation I don't have the balls to confront you about it. In a couple days you'll ask me what's wrong and I'm sure you will ask me and we can finish each others sentences, it will be fun.

On an even shittier note (if shittier is a word) one of my old friends, that I don't really consider a friend anymore, well I have to see this person sometimes and I hear people talking shit about this person and I have no desire to stick up for them in the slightest. About a year ago we were at Garry Whitton's house, party maybe, and Garry told me something this person said about me that I never expected in my life but it didn't surprise me at the time because she was acting kind of shady and being a little TWO FACED but everyone makes mistakes so it's cool, I'm not one to judge. Well I just let it go but I realized what a hypocritical comment this person made about me and it just disgusts me. SO I have absolutely no desire to talk to this person anymore and if they ever need a favor they can call someone else. I think you know who you are but if you have any doubt just ask me I have no problem explaining myself.

I'm sick of typing I'm out.

-brittany

Stopburningbridgesanddriveoffofthemsowecanallforgetaboutyou...
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