can it get worse?
life sucks basically.
im not going to Cali with everyone this week. i work 2 jobs and just got another one. yet i have NO money and im exhausted from working 12 hours a day. my good friends seem to be turning on me. i feel so left out. i feel so betrayed. my parents bitch me out for something new every day. i cant find a fuckin apartment to move into and im getting frustrated! i cannot live in my damn house anymore. i have a curfew and shit, whats that? it's just drama drama. im so sick of things. i just wanna be happy. CJ comes in and out of my life whenever he pleases and i cant take it anymore. i just wish i was strong enough to shut him out, but im not. it hurts when you have such a history with someone and you still care, yet it doesnt seem to phase them one bit. for some reason, i think things are just starting to fall apart piece by piece and all i can do is watch it happen and cry. i feel too careless to try anymore.
im getting a new tattoo. thats the only exciting thing. i have shooting stars on my foot but im covering it with a pink and white lily. next to it im getting RIP Sean & Matt. the tattoo artist is calling me next week when hes done sketching it out.
on a better note, it's jess' birthday in 2 days and alyssa's was today. dom's was friday and jackie's is tomorrow. so basically, Happy Birthday! but remember that being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up.
im trying to be positive. really. it's hard. im so lonely. i feel like i have no one. it sucks that i finally fell for someone after CJ and totally thought it was going somewhere. but i ended up getting my heart broken, AGAIN. how am i supposed to trust someone again? this sucks. seems like everyone is so happy and have these amazing guys in their lives. im really happy for them, but i wish i was as lucky. after what i went through with C, dont i deserve to fall in love with someone perfect? maybe thats selfish but i think so.
"hold your head up gorgeous, there are people that would KILL to see you fall"
^ so heres to the people who doubt me and the way i live my life. you win. im officially unhappy. now you can talk. i guess having the lifestyle that everyone envies isnt so great after all. i cant keep my head up anymore. i cant keep pretending like i live the life cause i dont after all.
im not going to Cali with everyone this week. i work 2 jobs and just got another one. yet i have NO money and im exhausted from working 12 hours a day. my good friends seem to be turning on me. i feel so left out. i feel so betrayed. my parents bitch me out for something new every day. i cant find a fuckin apartment to move into and im getting frustrated! i cannot live in my damn house anymore. i have a curfew and shit, whats that? it's just drama drama. im so sick of things. i just wanna be happy. CJ comes in and out of my life whenever he pleases and i cant take it anymore. i just wish i was strong enough to shut him out, but im not. it hurts when you have such a history with someone and you still care, yet it doesnt seem to phase them one bit. for some reason, i think things are just starting to fall apart piece by piece and all i can do is watch it happen and cry. i feel too careless to try anymore.
im getting a new tattoo. thats the only exciting thing. i have shooting stars on my foot but im covering it with a pink and white lily. next to it im getting RIP Sean & Matt. the tattoo artist is calling me next week when hes done sketching it out.
on a better note, it's jess' birthday in 2 days and alyssa's was today. dom's was friday and jackie's is tomorrow. so basically, Happy Birthday! but remember that being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up.
im trying to be positive. really. it's hard. im so lonely. i feel like i have no one. it sucks that i finally fell for someone after CJ and totally thought it was going somewhere. but i ended up getting my heart broken, AGAIN. how am i supposed to trust someone again? this sucks. seems like everyone is so happy and have these amazing guys in their lives. im really happy for them, but i wish i was as lucky. after what i went through with C, dont i deserve to fall in love with someone perfect? maybe thats selfish but i think so.
"hold your head up gorgeous, there are people that would KILL to see you fall"
^ so heres to the people who doubt me and the way i live my life. you win. im officially unhappy. now you can talk. i guess having the lifestyle that everyone envies isnt so great after all. i cant keep my head up anymore. i cant keep pretending like i live the life cause i dont after all.