Once you knew a girl and you named her lover.

[brittannnnny]

Whenever something gets me down in the dumps I used to have wordvomit. Everything on my mind would just go and go and go, but now, these days it's real vomit. Anytime I think about something that really makes me upset I just vomit. I can't really control it too much because I usually start crying right as it's happening or right before. I don't know why this is happening but it sure fucking is. OH! and just for the record fuck fucking fucked fuck fuck, I can't stand not saying that word at times like these. I have overcome the mother daughter fuck rule, I'll say it whenever and however I please and she wont do shit about it. As for my job I wish I could say the same. You have no idea how badly I can't fucking wait to get out of the shitty city. Everything that is here, and almost everyone are now just bringing me down and making me feel worse about myself. I fucking hate it. I can't talk to anyone anymore because they're either too busy, don't understand, or just never really listen. I can't stand that. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I'm really hoping that nothing at all is wrong with me, but then at the same time I would be disapointed. Nothing is wrong with me?? Then why on earth do i get these cramps and aches everywhere all the time. Why am i constantly vomiting? Why do I get sick off the smell of food? There has to be something wrong with me. The fucked up part is the fact that if anything is wrong or not the only person that is going to care is myself...so why am I sitting here going on and on? I haven't the slightest clue, but I'm not going to stop either. Another thing that bothers me is when people assume I'm doing things for a certain reason. Most likely when I do something it's because I FUCKING WANT TO, not to see someone, or be cool like you. I don't have a motive. Get this, see if you can comprehend this... when I like a band I like the band. When I do something I'm not trying to be someone else. Believe it or not everyone isn't like you, and I don't feel the need to seem cool. I don't need to constantly be talking to people and brag about how this person and this person is randomly talking to me. I actually know what the word responsible means. I can understand what people say when they speak fast. I can finish people's sentences. I actually have a reason for doing every little fucking thing I do, I WANT TO DO IT. Period. End of story.

Pay a little attention will you?