Love it, live it, leave it, and get into it
It has often been said that, “what does not kill you makes you stronger.” I think I may have even believed that at one point. Lately I have been discovering my own reservations with that point. Sometimes there are things that wear at you over time. There are certain occurrences that bring about a sense of weakness. Some people lose a lot of confidence through negative experiences. Your self-worth can be minimized as well. It is not impossible to get that back, but with so much damage done, it becomes increasingly difficult.
I tend not to believe in absolutes, but I strive to create them within my own life. Why? I cannot really tell you. Maybe I just want to be able to say that I can. I doubt it, though. That is not my style. People’s approval does not really do much for me. It can be nice to have, I suppose, but it does not really change the way I feel about things. I think it is something I do for others in a way. I want to show people that you can overcome things, that when you put your mind to something, that it is possible to achieve. I want people to know that what is easy is not always what is right and even though doing what is right may be difficult. In the end, you do know that you remained true to yourself and if you do not have an identity, I really do not know what you do have.
There are times when I wonder what it would be like if I would just cave into doing the things that would compromise my values. There are a few things that I have done that I am not proud of, but for the most part, I have remained true. The thing is, even those who say they respect you for your morals are the ones who will periodically ask you why you are doing something and they put you in a sort of box. I hate when people act like I am a child. It has to be one of the most demeaning things I have ever had to experience. In a way, it does make it easier to continue the way things are because people already know what I am not going to participate in, but sometimes they think I do not want to do something even though whatever it is not that big of a deal, but whatever.
People say they respect you, but sometimes it is because they do not understand you. Eh, whatever. I should not really look into it that much, but sometimes I cannot help it. I have a hard time accepting any sort of praise.