dont leave me now...
right about now im crying. for three reasons 1; i just watched the notebook and 2;i just want to see him and give him a hug and tell him that i'll never stop being friends with him.{i'll call him 'him1'} and 3; about my dad.{i'll call my dad him^ and also dad}
im scared im going to lose him^ i mean im too young for all this going on, its not suppose to happen now, not ever, im only going on 16 and already i cry almost every single night for the fact i dont know if today or tomorrow will be the last day i see him^. why does this have to happen? i just dont understand it at all. i love you dad and im sorry for anything bad ive ever done, if i knew that this was going to come into my life i would have made sure to be the most perfect child for you, just so you had no worries at all. i pray to god that he'll give you a second chance and not take you away from me. everyone thinks i dont have any feelings with whats happening, but i do i just dont show them infront of the family, the only person i mainly show it to is mike because i trust him so much and i know that he'll help me through. i feel like my life is a complete disaster, and i have nothing left. i wish that things would just stop and would go back to normal so i can be my normal happy self, not my pretending happy self. why does this have to happen...why?? i wish someone could just answear that question for me, but no one can. we've been through enough in our lives and now this..now this has to happen. i try and prepare myself but i dont think i will ever be able to prepare myself for something so horrible. i pulled away from you because i thought that if i stayed close i'd just get hurt more when it happened. but now that i pulled away i wanna get back to that closeness a father and daughter is suppose to have, but i just dont know how to do it. i pulled away and i fucked up everything. ive never felt so alone in my entire life. if i knew that this was going to all go on i would have ran away as a child so i wouldnt have to deal with it all. im past the point of crying myself to sleep, i feel as if theres nothing left. i just wish someone could help me, i mean mike helps me so much and i dont know how i can/could ever pay him back for the help he gives me. but when i say "i just wish someone could help me" i mean that i wish someone could just take this all away, take the pain away, take whats happening away. but no one can, and that really sucks so bad.
dad im only going on 16 and i have a whole life waiting for me still adn your not going to be able to see it if things keep being like this. you got to see lisas kids grow up, watch her buy her first house, meet the guys shes dated and now the guy shes in a common law marriage with now, and well i feel like you'll never get with me just because of the way things are happening. i pray and pray and pray to god that you'll stay with me to watch me grow up, yeah i have grown up but that was just the beginning you havent even begun to see the rest of it. and i want you to, i want both you and mom to i love you two with all my friggin heart.i think i will literally die of heartache if i lose either of you/
i love you dad, please i beg you dont leave me now. not now.
..as i go to bed crying, i feel like ive lost everything. and i miss you mike and i really need to talk to you cause you make things seem ok, i wish you could read this.