Timeline
CNN posted this article on it's web site, but then thought the better of it and changed it to something more politically correct. I think its funny though, so I'm sharing it with you, I hope you get a good laugh out of it and please don't take anything in it personally (I can't imagine you would, but CNN did).
(CNN) -- British Prime Minister David Cameron visits Tuesday for the first time at the White House with U.S. President Barack Obama. Here's an almost-accurate look at key dates in the two countries' shared histories:
1587: Roanoke Island colony established in present-day North Carolina but disappears in mystery three years later. The only clue to what happened to the colonists is the word "Croatan" carved into a tree. It's believed to have meant, "Blimey, it's hot."
1607: Jamestown settlement established in present-day Virginia as another attempt as an English foothold in the New World. This one works out better.
1775-1783: Revolution/American War of Independence: Ingrate colonists revolt against Great Britain or Americans drive British out of country, depending on your point of view. The British lose the 13 Colonies but are allowed to keep the letter "u" in words such as "favourite" and "neighbour."
1812-1815: U.S. fights Great Britain over trade restrictions, other issues. War ends when both sides realize they've forgotten what they're fighting over.
Also in the early 1800s: British distracted with other colonies -- U.S. buys Florida from Spain for a nice vacation place, buys middle of the country from France because it's too good of a deal to pass up.
1861-1865: U.S. Civil War -- British hedge bets on both the Union and Confederacy.
1867: Canada revolts against the British in a very Canadian way, culminating in almost-independence 115 years later.
Late 1800s: U.S. settles West; British fascination with cowboys begins.
1914-1918: World War I begins; U.S. waits in the bullpen until the late innings, gets credit for the save.
1929-1939: Great Depression. Economists in both countries are still debating how and when it ended and how to prevent future financial upheavals.
1936: U.S. finally succeeds in bringing down British monarchy -- well, at least it got Edward VIII to abdicate the throne when he picked American Mrs. Wallis Simpson over the crown.
1939-1945: World War II -- Thousands of U.S. servicemen are stationed in Great Britain. The British tire of "overpaid and oversexed" Americans on their soil, so they invade continental Europe and the war ends.
1947-1991: Cold War -- U.S. and British allied against Soviet Union and China, which they had been allies with in World War II; they allied with Germany and Japan, which they had been allied against. France allied with France.
1960s-2000s: Two countries engaged in musical wars -- U.S. retaliates for British Invasion of 1960s with Osmonds, disco. British punk movement spreads to U.S. in 1970s; the U.S. counterattacks with waves of boy bands. Two countries agree to a truce after England threatens doomsday Rick Astley weapon.
1980s: U.S. President Ronald Reagan, British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher begin dating.
1991: First Gulf war -- U.S., Britain fall in love amid conflict.
2000s: U.S. President George W. Bush, British Prime Minister Tony Blair begin dating.
2003-present: Second Gulf war -- U.S., Britain in conflict amid conflict.
2009: In a royal shocker, Michelle Obama touches Queen Elizabeth. The last person to do that was dubbed the "Lizard of Oz," but he was Australian, and the first lady is so tall and toned and the queen even seemed to like it. Maybe they're now gal pals.
2010: British attempt to resolve conflict with the U.S. over the correct shape of a football by giving the U.S. a goal and allowing a tie in their World Cup game.