blind for today
i just want to not see for today. i want to be invisible. i want to go my own way- backwards down the steps. blah- i am tired of the pouring. tired of the confusion. tiffany, emily, mum, alice, dad, chris, eowyn, and the back of my mind sim sometimes....my eyes still feel tired from crying. crying for so many different reasons. to admit my own inadequency. the boxed room of darkness- makes me sad...i want light....i want the sun again. i want laughter after pillow fights. i want cups of tea made in my own kitchen. this place doesn't belong to me and i don't belong to it. i am a guest here. i am nothing more than a blank face to these people. if only they knew how different it is for me back home. how much more- awake i am- how i can laugh and cry in the same five minutes because there i can feel! at this mountain, there is nothing! this isn't life! i know it is for some people. but i can't live like this. i need to go....one more month...i can do it. make the most of it. and darn it, i need to clean my room!