So far...not so bad
The room is cleaner. My schoolbooks are getting some much deserved attention from my roaming and rather distracted eyes. beyond these images of Carvaggigo i am picturing her. i am content. i can face it all. because i am one of those sad, pathetic creatures who has to have a set schedule in which i can work in or else i get distracted and lose every ounce of focus i once had. for now, i know i am going running at 5:00 and from there to dinner. and then i can settle down to my books again. then later i can call tiffany and be squirmy and happy while talking to her about the puppy named "rimmer."
truthfully people must see tiffany and i and think what an odd couple we make. but i am so used to that now. eowyn and i always confused people to the largest degree, so i am quite unaware know of the strange, puzzled looks. i am quite aware to many people that she looks like my little brother. but when her head lays so serenely on my pillow and the light hits her full kissable lips, her eyes look at me so seductively and twinkle with their own impish light, and then her whole body communicates to me how much she belongs in my arms. talking about everything, saying nothing, but i know now what the hand motions mean. i love knowing these little things. at all of these times...i know that she is a woman. filled with so many desires and i can feel myself tingling from head to toe. she shocks me in every sense of the word. and i am loving every minute of it.
eowyn called me again today. we never really have much to say. chatting about new discovered plans and wishes, very generic, but still good to say them aloud to someone who knows the secret significance of all my silly achievements. but i feel like we must talk. i don't want to lose those ties to my past. i still want to see her happy and i know she just wants to take care of me. sooner or later she will realize it is no longer her job. she will be around for awhile whether i want her to be or not. my mother needs to communicate with her to talk about me. so i understand that right now. but...still i wish somehow i can dissolve her control. women and their manipulative control. everyday seems to be a power play, a secret look between all of these players...the pawns have no idea what is going on above their heads. i am definately a pawn by choice. these power struggles are so draining. i let eowyn chose to say what she wants. and i let her believe she is helping. i let chris think that she has hope for our relationship. i let jerimiah believe he was the special guy. i did the same with sim. let them believe what they want. tell them what they want to hear...
truthfully people must see tiffany and i and think what an odd couple we make. but i am so used to that now. eowyn and i always confused people to the largest degree, so i am quite unaware know of the strange, puzzled looks. i am quite aware to many people that she looks like my little brother. but when her head lays so serenely on my pillow and the light hits her full kissable lips, her eyes look at me so seductively and twinkle with their own impish light, and then her whole body communicates to me how much she belongs in my arms. talking about everything, saying nothing, but i know now what the hand motions mean. i love knowing these little things. at all of these times...i know that she is a woman. filled with so many desires and i can feel myself tingling from head to toe. she shocks me in every sense of the word. and i am loving every minute of it.
eowyn called me again today. we never really have much to say. chatting about new discovered plans and wishes, very generic, but still good to say them aloud to someone who knows the secret significance of all my silly achievements. but i feel like we must talk. i don't want to lose those ties to my past. i still want to see her happy and i know she just wants to take care of me. sooner or later she will realize it is no longer her job. she will be around for awhile whether i want her to be or not. my mother needs to communicate with her to talk about me. so i understand that right now. but...still i wish somehow i can dissolve her control. women and their manipulative control. everyday seems to be a power play, a secret look between all of these players...the pawns have no idea what is going on above their heads. i am definately a pawn by choice. these power struggles are so draining. i let eowyn chose to say what she wants. and i let her believe she is helping. i let chris think that she has hope for our relationship. i let jerimiah believe he was the special guy. i did the same with sim. let them believe what they want. tell them what they want to hear...