I have been stuck at home for the past week due to house-related stuff and a pet with health issues, so I've occupied myself with learning some new skills. I still have some improvement to go, but I'm pretty pleased so far with my efforts, most of which were in response to suggestions or requests.
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We went to the vet's, and the staff there are sloooooow and not particularly in a hurry to comfort a grieving pet owner. (The vet, on the other hand, was wonderful, and was teary-eyed too.)
They lost the cremation details on the dog she lost last year, so she had to go through the whole painful process again, rather than referring them to the previous Dog Death Details.
She also decided to view the corpse, which upset her all over again. She had (wisely?) decided not to do that before, but changed her mind, and then got crushed by the sight of her beloved pet's body in the freezer.
It wasn't even MY dog, but I've been emotionally wrenched for three days. I'm not even a "dog person," but I love all animals, and I loved her dogs. My tear ducts hurt.
Just got off the phone with her, and she's having another breakdown, talking about adopting more animals in need RIGHT NOW, worrying about her remaining dog (grieving for her buddy and showing a relapse of the same old health problems), dealing with an insensitive bitch of a boss who is demanding paperwork in triplicate and implying she doesn't believe the dog is really dead, and a husband who doesn't handle grief well and is hermiting himself away to grieve solo.
Any suggestions, other than me just listening and being available? Also, any suggestions on how I can avoid feeling so shitty and bereft myself when it wasn't even my dog? Ugh. Bad week.
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I'm not sure I can offer any good suggestions for your friend, but I would support her decision to adopt another dog(s). The tragedy in our having domesticated pets is that we lavish so much love and attention on our one dog or cat, while every day there are hundreds more dogs or cats needing love and attention that get killed in shelters. (I watched this Internet documentary recently about vets who work at these shelters, and I alternated between feeling angry and just feeling totally helpless about the issues these vets have to face every day.)
Anyway, there are pets that I've lost that I've grieved just as strongly over as human losses. I don't think there's a predictable course for the grieving process, but according to one definition for the stages of grief, the first stage is numbness and isolation. The second stage is "disorganization," which is basically what your friend sounds like she's going through. Maybe the best thing for you to do is what you have been doing - just remain the voice of sanity throughout this whole mess. Hopefully (at least, by the time I've posted this reply) your friend has already made it through to acceptance.
My best remedy for getting through grief is to distract my brain, usually through a favorite movie or some other form of comfort. I think you should take all of that affection you felt toward Zach and try to funnel it toward Mr. Woozle. Give him lots of hugs and head scratches for me.
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She's noted that it "hasn't sunk in yet."
I've been on tumor watch with Mr W. already, so he's getting pretty spoiled from all the attention.
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