Ignore the Lady and Gentleman with the Red Cups
Brief thought for the day: My e-mail account occasionally spams up link adverts and two today were "Discover Your Crush" (not the correct site address) and IGotScammed37Times.com (apparently that IS the correct site address). First, if anyone has a crush on me and isn't bold enough to bring it to my attention, I am better off not knowing. As for the latter, s/he purports to be a consumer advocate "protecting" other consumers from being scammed. I don't know about you, but if someone actually got scammed 37 times, that goes beyond bad luck and verges on stupidity, and I certainly don't want stupid people trying to "educate" me about scams, because, for some reason, I've managed not to be scammed once so far, and must therefore be doing something right.
Now for some deeper ponderings. My across the way neighbors are incredibly nice, and are always doing thoughtful things for everyone. They are key members of the Neighborhood Association. They know everyone's name and their dogs' names. They are obsessive about keeping their yard groomed (and you can't say the same about me; I could care less about the flippin' yard, though I wouldn't ever let it become out of hand). They sit on their porch and wave and smile at everyone jogging or walking by. They give the best Hallowe'en treats and throw the most lavish Christmas parties. They keep an eye on the elderly and sick neighbors, visiting them in hospital and going to funerals and bringing food to bereaved spouses and relatives. They adopted a mentally challenged but high-functioning adult neighbor and gave her a place where she could establish some independence away from her family, who treat her like an invalid and a child: she could get a job and thrive, but they disagree. The neighbors welcome new families and bring over cookies. They don't do it for kudos or praise, or even to just "look good," they do it because that's just how they roll. Unfortunately, this isn't enough to satisfy some of the other neighbors, who seem to revel in creating drama.
To be fair, there are some things they do that easily could cause friction. Some people don't LIKE it when you know every single thing going on in the neighborhood, probably because they are doing something they would rather no one else know about. Not always the case, as I don't do much of anything, and I do this as often as I can, but I still don't want everyone knowing about the nothing much that I DO do. Heh. In truth, you never really know what your neighbors will find interesting and thus you can't anticipate how much it will irk you if they do somehow suss it out. So much for all those arguments in favour of the Patriot Act that generally say something asinine like "if you aren't a bad guy, you shouldn't mind if your privacy is invaded," right? Right.
They have perceived power, given that they are so active within the Neighborhood Association. I know about perceived power as opposed to actual power. On THE_FORUM, I have two "ranks" that imply that I have a say in things, when, in truth, a random n00bie who managed to be articulate and interesting has the exavt same amount of so-called power as I do to influence "how things are done". If I know this and have no problem with it (and am, in fact, relieved not to have more responsibility to stress over), you'd think that other people would likewise grasp that it's all a form of whimsy the forum owner likes to indulge himself with.
They also like to sit on their front porch and have a red plastic cup or eight filled to the top with red wine. This makes most of the neighborhood believe they are drunks. Are they? I have no idea. I have never seen them falling down or stumbling around their yard or crying and saying "I love you, man," or abusing anyone in a rage. They do get a little tiddly and forget that they've already talked about something with you. If you never miss a day of work or act out or make an arse of yourself, are you a drunk? An alcoholic, maybe, perhaps...but drunks? I suspect not.
This Hallowe'en, I was chatting with them until past seven that night, as the neighborhood kids were being distracted with a hayride (a bunch of hay thrown into a trailer) and keeping an eye on my own front door in case the children started to arrive. They had their decorations and "screaming doormat" and big bags of candy ready to go. One neighbor went inside to prepare dinner (she cooks every night for her significant other and two large dogs and then herself). I went home, kids came by in a steady stream, then I noticed no one else had their porch lights on after nine, so I shut down as well. Hallowe'en was done.
A day or so later, I visited and the neighbors informed me that their current Neighborhood Association president, who had been acting up for some time, sent out e-mails to everyone in the neighborhood about something that never happened in an attempt to make my neighbors with their red cups look bad. In short, he claimed that some teenagers (who magically knew he was the president) came to his door and complained about some other neighbors falling down drunk, spilling loose candy all over their own yard, slurring at the children and being profane. These hypothetical teenagers also happened to know that these terrible, ill-behaved, drunk neighbors were also association members. This, ranted the president, was embarrassing and bad! There's more to it than that, but he weaseled out of going so far as to name names. The next days, phone lines were tied up all over the 'hood. The red cup neighbors were incensed. Most other association people were likewise annoyed.
In truth, there was no way they could have gotten that drunk (as if they ever did) in a little over an hour while bestowing candy (in sealed bags, mind, thus no loose bits all over the sidewalk), cooking dinner, dealing with dog care, chatting with the adults chaperoning the costumed children, and so on. In other words, the president thought he could gather support from others by focusing on my neighbors and their red cups.
This almost backfired on him.
I was sitting on the porch with my neighbors, she with her ubiquitous red cup and I with a soda (I'm not keen on wine), before the meeting. Her phone rang constantly, neighbors stopped by to rage, and everyone was upset about the president's behavior. This was not the first time he had behaved badly or made unpopular decisions. The collective opinion was that he needed to go. Plans were made to find a replacement president. And so on. The neighbors all decided they'd had enough.
He was going to get voted off the association at the next meeting, but seeing which way the tide was turning, he pre-empted the vote with a quick apology, alluded to some personal stress, and left the rest of the association confused about what to do. He ended up getting a reprieve.
The other part of the story is one I'm familiar with: people do not like being accountable for "negative" decisions. They were gung-ho each time someone was up for election or singled out for praise, even if they were only mildly supportive or neutral. But, as usual, when a negative decision had to be made, everyone was passionate about how they were ready to call a halt to the nonsense and vote the guy out before the meeting, but when it came time to follow through, no one had the 'nards to vote the way they felt they should.
In short, they preferred to bitch and complain and vow to make changes and then waffle when they got a chance to do something constructive. Such is politics. I think some people are happier when the guy in charge is someone they dislike. It's easier to feel helpless and angry and to do nothing than to actually effect positive change.
In major elections in the United States, a lot of people don't vote. They prefer to let whatever happens happen. If their candidate wins, great, and if the other person wins, it is something to get riled up about. They don't see the connection between their unhappiness and their lack of participation in the process. In fairness, the candidates are not too different from one another. Decisions made by one elected previously often can't be completely undone or improved upon by another.
I sympathize with the urge to be held accountable for only positive things in life. When you are unhappy, however, sometimes you need to have the courage of your convictions and risk doing something that may make one person unhappy but which will improve the lot of the whole.
What I don't understand is how someone can think it is okay to invent some fictional teenagers (the oldest children we served candy to were pre-teen girls) who magically know all about the neighborhood association and who is on it and where they live, who would be upset by adults having a glass of wine or using (supposedly) foul language, and who would report someone stumbling down a front walk strewing candy when no one left the porch, stumbling or not, and no candy ever left the sealed goody bags. What goes through someone's mind when he or she starts to sit down at their computer and concoct a fictional scenario designed to embarrass and discredit someone else, especially when s/he has to know that the majority of the neighborhood speak to and know and socialize with the people s/he is smearing? It wasn't even a GOOD fib, you know?
You'd think that if a grown man had a problem with two other adults that he'd go directly to them and hash it out, or resign his presidency if he didn't like working with them in the association. Instead, he tried to gather forces and oust his enemies and he used crappy manipulative lies to try to do it and failed...and he suffered no consequences whatsoever. Oh, he's "on notice," and no one trusts his judgment or believes he will continue to behave himself, but he lost nothing substantial. He probably still thinks he was right, despite his position-saving belated apology.
This sort of thing is why I am becoming more of a hermit as I get older. People don't seem to know how to mind their own business or do what they are supposed to do these days. As for me, sometimes I don't want to talk about myself, and the "red cup neighbors" always want to talk about what is on their visitors' minds, so I don't go visit them as often as I could, but it isn't because I think they are bad people.
The neighbors are fascinated by the idea that I work all the time. They think I must be horribly unhappy because I don't shop or get my hair done or date. Occasionally the woman tries to interfere and talks to me about eligible bachelors, none of whom are remotely of interest to me. For one, she thinks I need to date a wealthy guy in his fifties, doesn't matter who. The oldest man I've dated was barely 40 at the time, and a lot older than I was at the time. Her bachelors tend to be fat, divorced, and single for a reason. I know she isn't entirely serious, but that's the only gripe I have with her.
We have a workman, Mr. C., who is all of the above, plus he wears a plate, is riddled with cancer and has dentures. A nicer guy you couldn't meet. He's currently ripping all the carpet out of the house to expose the hardwoods beneath. It is going to look very nice; though, of course, the sooner he finishes, the sooner I may be homeless. He does our yardwork, too, and has installed appliances.
My neighbor was determined to make a love connection. At one point he'd been over to the house several times to do handy things, and I couldn't tell you what he looked like even though I'd talked to him several times. (He looks like a slightly less homely Randy Quaid, to be frank.) She kept teasing me about this poor man until I finally told her he was married. Sheesh. Note that I was aware that I was being teased and didn't swear a vendetta against them for giving me some shit.
If that's the worst thing they ever do to me, I can live with it. (Or should I send e-mails to all the neighbors to complain? Heh.) It's probably good that we set this straight months ago, or she'd give me all kinds of crap about him being in the house for hours on end (working), when, in truth, I have spoken to him for a grand total of twenty minutes over the last four days. Yeah, we're a match made in Heaven, all right.
Meanwhile I am procrastinating about Christmas shopping. The list has been made, the items are located, I just need to bite the bullet and pay to have them mailed. Ouch. I'm going to choke at the final cost. Once they arrive, though, I'll be thrilled and probably spend more on little stuff. Because that's how *I* roll. I love the gift-giving part!
That, and I got sucked into Kingdom Of Loathing, an online "MUD-like" game. It limits the number of turns you can take a day so I don't spend too much time puttering about, but the pop culture references are cracking me up. So far I've spotted references to Radiohead, Rolling Stones, They Might Be Giants, Ramones, Sweet, REM, Dead Milkmen, Talking Heads, David Bowie, Britcoms, films, and much more. It's quite silly.
Well, I've been doing other things, but they are all fairly boring and not worth discussing. That's life. It can't always be a million laughs and photo-ops.
Now for some deeper ponderings. My across the way neighbors are incredibly nice, and are always doing thoughtful things for everyone. They are key members of the Neighborhood Association. They know everyone's name and their dogs' names. They are obsessive about keeping their yard groomed (and you can't say the same about me; I could care less about the flippin' yard, though I wouldn't ever let it become out of hand). They sit on their porch and wave and smile at everyone jogging or walking by. They give the best Hallowe'en treats and throw the most lavish Christmas parties. They keep an eye on the elderly and sick neighbors, visiting them in hospital and going to funerals and bringing food to bereaved spouses and relatives. They adopted a mentally challenged but high-functioning adult neighbor and gave her a place where she could establish some independence away from her family, who treat her like an invalid and a child: she could get a job and thrive, but they disagree. The neighbors welcome new families and bring over cookies. They don't do it for kudos or praise, or even to just "look good," they do it because that's just how they roll. Unfortunately, this isn't enough to satisfy some of the other neighbors, who seem to revel in creating drama.
To be fair, there are some things they do that easily could cause friction. Some people don't LIKE it when you know every single thing going on in the neighborhood, probably because they are doing something they would rather no one else know about. Not always the case, as I don't do much of anything, and I do this as often as I can, but I still don't want everyone knowing about the nothing much that I DO do. Heh. In truth, you never really know what your neighbors will find interesting and thus you can't anticipate how much it will irk you if they do somehow suss it out. So much for all those arguments in favour of the Patriot Act that generally say something asinine like "if you aren't a bad guy, you shouldn't mind if your privacy is invaded," right? Right.
They have perceived power, given that they are so active within the Neighborhood Association. I know about perceived power as opposed to actual power. On THE_FORUM, I have two "ranks" that imply that I have a say in things, when, in truth, a random n00bie who managed to be articulate and interesting has the exavt same amount of so-called power as I do to influence "how things are done". If I know this and have no problem with it (and am, in fact, relieved not to have more responsibility to stress over), you'd think that other people would likewise grasp that it's all a form of whimsy the forum owner likes to indulge himself with.
They also like to sit on their front porch and have a red plastic cup or eight filled to the top with red wine. This makes most of the neighborhood believe they are drunks. Are they? I have no idea. I have never seen them falling down or stumbling around their yard or crying and saying "I love you, man," or abusing anyone in a rage. They do get a little tiddly and forget that they've already talked about something with you. If you never miss a day of work or act out or make an arse of yourself, are you a drunk? An alcoholic, maybe, perhaps...but drunks? I suspect not.
This Hallowe'en, I was chatting with them until past seven that night, as the neighborhood kids were being distracted with a hayride (a bunch of hay thrown into a trailer) and keeping an eye on my own front door in case the children started to arrive. They had their decorations and "screaming doormat" and big bags of candy ready to go. One neighbor went inside to prepare dinner (she cooks every night for her significant other and two large dogs and then herself). I went home, kids came by in a steady stream, then I noticed no one else had their porch lights on after nine, so I shut down as well. Hallowe'en was done.
A day or so later, I visited and the neighbors informed me that their current Neighborhood Association president, who had been acting up for some time, sent out e-mails to everyone in the neighborhood about something that never happened in an attempt to make my neighbors with their red cups look bad. In short, he claimed that some teenagers (who magically knew he was the president) came to his door and complained about some other neighbors falling down drunk, spilling loose candy all over their own yard, slurring at the children and being profane. These hypothetical teenagers also happened to know that these terrible, ill-behaved, drunk neighbors were also association members. This, ranted the president, was embarrassing and bad! There's more to it than that, but he weaseled out of going so far as to name names. The next days, phone lines were tied up all over the 'hood. The red cup neighbors were incensed. Most other association people were likewise annoyed.
In truth, there was no way they could have gotten that drunk (as if they ever did) in a little over an hour while bestowing candy (in sealed bags, mind, thus no loose bits all over the sidewalk), cooking dinner, dealing with dog care, chatting with the adults chaperoning the costumed children, and so on. In other words, the president thought he could gather support from others by focusing on my neighbors and their red cups.
This almost backfired on him.
I was sitting on the porch with my neighbors, she with her ubiquitous red cup and I with a soda (I'm not keen on wine), before the meeting. Her phone rang constantly, neighbors stopped by to rage, and everyone was upset about the president's behavior. This was not the first time he had behaved badly or made unpopular decisions. The collective opinion was that he needed to go. Plans were made to find a replacement president. And so on. The neighbors all decided they'd had enough.
He was going to get voted off the association at the next meeting, but seeing which way the tide was turning, he pre-empted the vote with a quick apology, alluded to some personal stress, and left the rest of the association confused about what to do. He ended up getting a reprieve.
The other part of the story is one I'm familiar with: people do not like being accountable for "negative" decisions. They were gung-ho each time someone was up for election or singled out for praise, even if they were only mildly supportive or neutral. But, as usual, when a negative decision had to be made, everyone was passionate about how they were ready to call a halt to the nonsense and vote the guy out before the meeting, but when it came time to follow through, no one had the 'nards to vote the way they felt they should.
In short, they preferred to bitch and complain and vow to make changes and then waffle when they got a chance to do something constructive. Such is politics. I think some people are happier when the guy in charge is someone they dislike. It's easier to feel helpless and angry and to do nothing than to actually effect positive change.
In major elections in the United States, a lot of people don't vote. They prefer to let whatever happens happen. If their candidate wins, great, and if the other person wins, it is something to get riled up about. They don't see the connection between their unhappiness and their lack of participation in the process. In fairness, the candidates are not too different from one another. Decisions made by one elected previously often can't be completely undone or improved upon by another.
I sympathize with the urge to be held accountable for only positive things in life. When you are unhappy, however, sometimes you need to have the courage of your convictions and risk doing something that may make one person unhappy but which will improve the lot of the whole.
What I don't understand is how someone can think it is okay to invent some fictional teenagers (the oldest children we served candy to were pre-teen girls) who magically know all about the neighborhood association and who is on it and where they live, who would be upset by adults having a glass of wine or using (supposedly) foul language, and who would report someone stumbling down a front walk strewing candy when no one left the porch, stumbling or not, and no candy ever left the sealed goody bags. What goes through someone's mind when he or she starts to sit down at their computer and concoct a fictional scenario designed to embarrass and discredit someone else, especially when s/he has to know that the majority of the neighborhood speak to and know and socialize with the people s/he is smearing? It wasn't even a GOOD fib, you know?
You'd think that if a grown man had a problem with two other adults that he'd go directly to them and hash it out, or resign his presidency if he didn't like working with them in the association. Instead, he tried to gather forces and oust his enemies and he used crappy manipulative lies to try to do it and failed...and he suffered no consequences whatsoever. Oh, he's "on notice," and no one trusts his judgment or believes he will continue to behave himself, but he lost nothing substantial. He probably still thinks he was right, despite his position-saving belated apology.
This sort of thing is why I am becoming more of a hermit as I get older. People don't seem to know how to mind their own business or do what they are supposed to do these days. As for me, sometimes I don't want to talk about myself, and the "red cup neighbors" always want to talk about what is on their visitors' minds, so I don't go visit them as often as I could, but it isn't because I think they are bad people.
The neighbors are fascinated by the idea that I work all the time. They think I must be horribly unhappy because I don't shop or get my hair done or date. Occasionally the woman tries to interfere and talks to me about eligible bachelors, none of whom are remotely of interest to me. For one, she thinks I need to date a wealthy guy in his fifties, doesn't matter who. The oldest man I've dated was barely 40 at the time, and a lot older than I was at the time. Her bachelors tend to be fat, divorced, and single for a reason. I know she isn't entirely serious, but that's the only gripe I have with her.
We have a workman, Mr. C., who is all of the above, plus he wears a plate, is riddled with cancer and has dentures. A nicer guy you couldn't meet. He's currently ripping all the carpet out of the house to expose the hardwoods beneath. It is going to look very nice; though, of course, the sooner he finishes, the sooner I may be homeless. He does our yardwork, too, and has installed appliances.
My neighbor was determined to make a love connection. At one point he'd been over to the house several times to do handy things, and I couldn't tell you what he looked like even though I'd talked to him several times. (He looks like a slightly less homely Randy Quaid, to be frank.) She kept teasing me about this poor man until I finally told her he was married. Sheesh. Note that I was aware that I was being teased and didn't swear a vendetta against them for giving me some shit.
If that's the worst thing they ever do to me, I can live with it. (Or should I send e-mails to all the neighbors to complain? Heh.) It's probably good that we set this straight months ago, or she'd give me all kinds of crap about him being in the house for hours on end (working), when, in truth, I have spoken to him for a grand total of twenty minutes over the last four days. Yeah, we're a match made in Heaven, all right.
Meanwhile I am procrastinating about Christmas shopping. The list has been made, the items are located, I just need to bite the bullet and pay to have them mailed. Ouch. I'm going to choke at the final cost. Once they arrive, though, I'll be thrilled and probably spend more on little stuff. Because that's how *I* roll. I love the gift-giving part!
That, and I got sucked into Kingdom Of Loathing, an online "MUD-like" game. It limits the number of turns you can take a day so I don't spend too much time puttering about, but the pop culture references are cracking me up. So far I've spotted references to Radiohead, Rolling Stones, They Might Be Giants, Ramones, Sweet, REM, Dead Milkmen, Talking Heads, David Bowie, Britcoms, films, and much more. It's quite silly.
Well, I've been doing other things, but they are all fairly boring and not worth discussing. That's life. It can't always be a million laughs and photo-ops.