Relationship Tips For Stupid Cavewomen!
Holy crap,
cyanidefish found a link that made my little feminist brain have a melt-down. These are "Five Sexy Tips" for women to help them catch and keep a man, because, of course, life without a man is not worth living!!!einz!!11one! I love men, but I have to say that is just hooey. (Also? Reminds me of one of Steve Dallas' girlfriends from Bloom County.)
1. Give him credit for your orgasm.
While women do not feel the need to receive “credit” during sex, men do. So the next time you experience an orgasm with your man make sure you give him complete credit for bringing it about. It will make him feel so good when you tell him in no uncertain terms how good he makes you feel.
Why? I have plenty on my own with no man in sight. I think I have figured this one out on my own.
On a more serious note, sure, tell your guy (or gal, if you swing that way) what you liked best, and try not to focus overmuch on things you didn't care as much for. Carrot and stick, people: but men aren't donkeys, so try a little more carrot than stick. Encourage the awesome stuff, and gently discourage the stuff that doesn't do the trick. No one likes exactly the same things, or even the same nice things done the exact same way each time. Mix it up, don't be routine or robotic about it, listen to your partner, have fun.
But give him credit for something your body does with or without him? Why not give him credit for your heart beating? It may thump a little harder when he's near, but it's still your body calling the shots and making it happen.
2. Make him feel like a hero.
Every time you express appreciation for the things your man does for you, he will feel like a hero. You can do this for very ordinary things - even taking out the trash. When you look for things to appreciate in your lover you will find them. By pointing out what your man does right he will feel needed and important … and will do more of them.
Adults should not need praise for taking out the goddamned trash, for Pete's sake. On the other hand, if he wants to wear tights and a cape, so be it. I won't point and laugh TOO much.
Does this go both ways? Do we expect our men to follow us around and praise us for cleaning the cat box? Somehow, I think not. How insulting is it to men to expect that they need to be treated like dim children and praised and manipulated into doing basic chores?
If the trash is stinky, take it to the kerb. How hard a concept is this?
If you shower people with praise for every little thing, it is hollow and meaningless, like a verbal tic. Reserve praise for praiseworthy things, and then your praise and respect and appreciation will actually mean something.
Graciousness and courtesy are one thing. Sure, thank your mate for dealing with an unpleasant chore. Not that most women will get thanked for most of the unpleasant chores they do in the course of a day raising kids or maintaining a home properly. I think that some things should be done without expectation of thanks or reward, however, because they are the responsible, adult things TO do. Your job as a parent or grown-up, in other words. Not many of us have bosses thanking and appreciating us endlessly for merely doing what we were hired and are paid to do.
A relationship is, in many ways, a job. A fun job, a rewarding job, but like any job, it requires an investment of energy and time and care. Some things that contribute to a healthy relationship are as basic as taking out the trash when it smells or when trash pick-up is scheduled for the next day. You do some basic, courteous things that help keep relationships healthy, like phoning if you're going to be really, really late so your partner doesn't assume you died in a plane crash or something. Like not leaving your dirty underwear on the floor for your partner to pick up for you. Like not forgetting to do what you promised you'd do. Like giving a damn if your partner had a crappy day. And so on.
If you are thanked for following these basic courtesies, that is great. But you shouldn't require thanks for having the most simple courtesy skills.
This is another case of women being directed to focus all their energies and attention on the needs of someone other than themselves. If you don't know what you want and need, and you follow someone around like a slobbering puppy, they lose respect for you. How can you love someone you have no respect for?
3. Create a shrine to his manhood.
Your man will be very pleased when you create a shrine to him in your bedroom. He’ll know how much his sexuality inspires you when you devote some space in your bedroom exclusively to his maleness. Your shrine may contain a naked framed photo of him or one of the two of you, small notes and poems you have written for him, incense, candles and other personal items that reflect your relationship. You may change the elements that make up the shrine from time to time, always pointing out to your man what is new.
DUDE! That is just creepy.
It's a TV Trope (or something) that the icky, creepy, homicidal stalker-type has a shrine to the object of obsession. Normal people do not do this. Also? Hope you don't have a cleaning service or nosy parent, because I don't think they will see a shrine full of candles and nekkid man pictures as being psychologically healthy.
Several smart, sane guys read this blog from time to time. How would you feel if you went to visit your new girlfriend and she had a fucking shrine set up for you in her bedroom? I'm serious, be honest.
It might be flattering at first glance, but if I visited my boyfriend and found nekkid pictures of me surrounded with incense and candles and poetry, I think I'd freak out and run for the hills.
A framed photo (with clothes on)? Now that's nice. A shrine with candles and crap? Dude, don't worship me. That's just not right.
4. Never refuse your man’s offer of sex.
When your man asks to him sex with you, agree to do so enthusiastically so that he never experiences rejection. Should you be too ill to make love, you can make him feel better by saying, “I’d love to make love to you right now, but I’m achy all over.” Follow that up by telling him the next available time when you should be able to make love. You might say, “I know I’ll feel better in the morning. Can we set the alarm a half hour early and make love then?”
Tired? Too bad! Menstruating? Sick? Just came back from a funeral? Just do it! Your man just made a chauvinist pig remark? He smells like baboon arse? Spread 'em!
This plays into the old, and false, stereotype that men want and need sex more than women do. Not true. I've had a higher sex drive than a boyfriend before, and you adjust to it, you don't nag the poor guy to put out when he's not in the mood.
There are other ways to demonstrate caring, affection, love, than sticking a penis into a vagina. Sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, and forcing yourself to be a receptacle (perhaps because you buy into the idea that men's balls will just explode if they don't get laid on demand) instead of an eager partner does no one any favours.
5. Make your man your highest priority.
It is too easy to allow the quality of your marriage or long-term relationship to slip to a lower priority when you also have to worry about the demands of your career, friends, in-laws, children and hobbies. Avoid being pulled in too many different directions by remembering to keep your relationship with your lover upper most in your mind, placing it before the needs of your children or boss.
I'm not into kids or sucking up to bosses, but adults can take care of their own needs. Sorry, infants can not. In such a case, mature adults learn to deal with disappointment and the responsibility that children require from you.
And I'm not losing a job to go suck up to some dude, either. Unless he plans to gift me with a couple million dollars, strings-free, in which case I can work when I choose. The sad thing is that you can't count on even a husband to stick around forever, and slacking off at your job means you may not progress in your career, and if you do get a divorce, you're screwed.
Would they ask a man to ignore his job, or neglect his children in favour of his wife's demands? Hell to the naw they wouldn't.
Keeping your relationship / marriage a priority is good advice. Suggesting that it is ALWAYS the top priority is short-sighted.
Again, this sounds like code for "your needs ar eless important than your man's needs" with the not-so-subtle veiled threat that if you fail to subjugate everything else to the needs and wants of your man, you're DOING IT WRONG.
I don't know about you, but I like equal partnerships, where no one is worshiped or idolized, no one feels insecure, no one frantically and masochistically denies their own feelings, needs, thoughts and desires to anyone else.
Cy nominated it for "article sure to garner the most outraged screaming at the most computers" award, and I think my screaming at the screen just clinched this article's award nomination. My brain hurts now.
Dear Stupid Sexist Female:
If you take the time to do the five things I have outlined your lucky man will know how special he is and understand that no other woman on earth could possibly love him and value him as much as you do.
Oh, shut up, you Troglodyte.
This is worse than The Rules. I didn't think it was possible. Maybe if they threw "pray to God that your feelings and thoughts be muted into submission" it would be worse.
Further, the writer has no clue about what a geisha actually did. Most clients had meek, demure, uneducated, docile wives at home already. They went to geishas for intelligent conversation, a bit of wit, entertainment, flirtation, and sex, if it happened, was incidental. The fact that geishas had some sex education at all made them more interesting partners in bed, not some "worshipfulness" on their part. Or so I understand.
I wonder if Rule Six is "Bind your feet, because men find small feet more attractive, and there's an added bonus! You can't run away, or, well, do much of anything at all, and will be in excruciating pain constantly, but, hey! Men like those small, deformed feet! It's all about what the menfolks want. If deforming yourself is required, then hop to it! It will be the last hopping you'll ever have to do. Awesome!"
Have we learned nothing? Do well-adjusted, smart men really want some dippy broad who has no interests other than worshiping them and treating them like children and having no interests other than their well-being? I thought we had grown past treating men like sex-obsessed gonad-ruled impulsive babies who need to be manipulated and sucked up to and coddled!
None of my boyfriends would have stood for it. The last thing they wanted was some idiot obsessing over them and being their Mummy.
cyanidefish found a link that made my little feminist brain have a melt-down. These are "Five Sexy Tips" for women to help them catch and keep a man, because, of course, life without a man is not worth living!!!einz!!11one! I love men, but I have to say that is just hooey. (Also? Reminds me of one of Steve Dallas' girlfriends from Bloom County.)
1. Give him credit for your orgasm.
While women do not feel the need to receive “credit” during sex, men do. So the next time you experience an orgasm with your man make sure you give him complete credit for bringing it about. It will make him feel so good when you tell him in no uncertain terms how good he makes you feel.
Why? I have plenty on my own with no man in sight. I think I have figured this one out on my own.
On a more serious note, sure, tell your guy (or gal, if you swing that way) what you liked best, and try not to focus overmuch on things you didn't care as much for. Carrot and stick, people: but men aren't donkeys, so try a little more carrot than stick. Encourage the awesome stuff, and gently discourage the stuff that doesn't do the trick. No one likes exactly the same things, or even the same nice things done the exact same way each time. Mix it up, don't be routine or robotic about it, listen to your partner, have fun.
But give him credit for something your body does with or without him? Why not give him credit for your heart beating? It may thump a little harder when he's near, but it's still your body calling the shots and making it happen.
2. Make him feel like a hero.
Every time you express appreciation for the things your man does for you, he will feel like a hero. You can do this for very ordinary things - even taking out the trash. When you look for things to appreciate in your lover you will find them. By pointing out what your man does right he will feel needed and important … and will do more of them.
Adults should not need praise for taking out the goddamned trash, for Pete's sake. On the other hand, if he wants to wear tights and a cape, so be it. I won't point and laugh TOO much.
Does this go both ways? Do we expect our men to follow us around and praise us for cleaning the cat box? Somehow, I think not. How insulting is it to men to expect that they need to be treated like dim children and praised and manipulated into doing basic chores?
If the trash is stinky, take it to the kerb. How hard a concept is this?
If you shower people with praise for every little thing, it is hollow and meaningless, like a verbal tic. Reserve praise for praiseworthy things, and then your praise and respect and appreciation will actually mean something.
Graciousness and courtesy are one thing. Sure, thank your mate for dealing with an unpleasant chore. Not that most women will get thanked for most of the unpleasant chores they do in the course of a day raising kids or maintaining a home properly. I think that some things should be done without expectation of thanks or reward, however, because they are the responsible, adult things TO do. Your job as a parent or grown-up, in other words. Not many of us have bosses thanking and appreciating us endlessly for merely doing what we were hired and are paid to do.
A relationship is, in many ways, a job. A fun job, a rewarding job, but like any job, it requires an investment of energy and time and care. Some things that contribute to a healthy relationship are as basic as taking out the trash when it smells or when trash pick-up is scheduled for the next day. You do some basic, courteous things that help keep relationships healthy, like phoning if you're going to be really, really late so your partner doesn't assume you died in a plane crash or something. Like not leaving your dirty underwear on the floor for your partner to pick up for you. Like not forgetting to do what you promised you'd do. Like giving a damn if your partner had a crappy day. And so on.
If you are thanked for following these basic courtesies, that is great. But you shouldn't require thanks for having the most simple courtesy skills.
This is another case of women being directed to focus all their energies and attention on the needs of someone other than themselves. If you don't know what you want and need, and you follow someone around like a slobbering puppy, they lose respect for you. How can you love someone you have no respect for?
3. Create a shrine to his manhood.
Your man will be very pleased when you create a shrine to him in your bedroom. He’ll know how much his sexuality inspires you when you devote some space in your bedroom exclusively to his maleness. Your shrine may contain a naked framed photo of him or one of the two of you, small notes and poems you have written for him, incense, candles and other personal items that reflect your relationship. You may change the elements that make up the shrine from time to time, always pointing out to your man what is new.
DUDE! That is just creepy.
It's a TV Trope (or something) that the icky, creepy, homicidal stalker-type has a shrine to the object of obsession. Normal people do not do this. Also? Hope you don't have a cleaning service or nosy parent, because I don't think they will see a shrine full of candles and nekkid man pictures as being psychologically healthy.
Several smart, sane guys read this blog from time to time. How would you feel if you went to visit your new girlfriend and she had a fucking shrine set up for you in her bedroom? I'm serious, be honest.
It might be flattering at first glance, but if I visited my boyfriend and found nekkid pictures of me surrounded with incense and candles and poetry, I think I'd freak out and run for the hills.
A framed photo (with clothes on)? Now that's nice. A shrine with candles and crap? Dude, don't worship me. That's just not right.
4. Never refuse your man’s offer of sex.
When your man asks to him sex with you, agree to do so enthusiastically so that he never experiences rejection. Should you be too ill to make love, you can make him feel better by saying, “I’d love to make love to you right now, but I’m achy all over.” Follow that up by telling him the next available time when you should be able to make love. You might say, “I know I’ll feel better in the morning. Can we set the alarm a half hour early and make love then?”
Tired? Too bad! Menstruating? Sick? Just came back from a funeral? Just do it! Your man just made a chauvinist pig remark? He smells like baboon arse? Spread 'em!
This plays into the old, and false, stereotype that men want and need sex more than women do. Not true. I've had a higher sex drive than a boyfriend before, and you adjust to it, you don't nag the poor guy to put out when he's not in the mood.
There are other ways to demonstrate caring, affection, love, than sticking a penis into a vagina. Sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, and forcing yourself to be a receptacle (perhaps because you buy into the idea that men's balls will just explode if they don't get laid on demand) instead of an eager partner does no one any favours.
5. Make your man your highest priority.
It is too easy to allow the quality of your marriage or long-term relationship to slip to a lower priority when you also have to worry about the demands of your career, friends, in-laws, children and hobbies. Avoid being pulled in too many different directions by remembering to keep your relationship with your lover upper most in your mind, placing it before the needs of your children or boss.
I'm not into kids or sucking up to bosses, but adults can take care of their own needs. Sorry, infants can not. In such a case, mature adults learn to deal with disappointment and the responsibility that children require from you.
And I'm not losing a job to go suck up to some dude, either. Unless he plans to gift me with a couple million dollars, strings-free, in which case I can work when I choose. The sad thing is that you can't count on even a husband to stick around forever, and slacking off at your job means you may not progress in your career, and if you do get a divorce, you're screwed.
Would they ask a man to ignore his job, or neglect his children in favour of his wife's demands? Hell to the naw they wouldn't.
Keeping your relationship / marriage a priority is good advice. Suggesting that it is ALWAYS the top priority is short-sighted.
Again, this sounds like code for "your needs ar eless important than your man's needs" with the not-so-subtle veiled threat that if you fail to subjugate everything else to the needs and wants of your man, you're DOING IT WRONG.
I don't know about you, but I like equal partnerships, where no one is worshiped or idolized, no one feels insecure, no one frantically and masochistically denies their own feelings, needs, thoughts and desires to anyone else.
Cy nominated it for "article sure to garner the most outraged screaming at the most computers" award, and I think my screaming at the screen just clinched this article's award nomination. My brain hurts now.
Dear Stupid Sexist Female:
If you take the time to do the five things I have outlined your lucky man will know how special he is and understand that no other woman on earth could possibly love him and value him as much as you do.
Oh, shut up, you Troglodyte.
This is worse than The Rules. I didn't think it was possible. Maybe if they threw "pray to God that your feelings and thoughts be muted into submission" it would be worse.
Further, the writer has no clue about what a geisha actually did. Most clients had meek, demure, uneducated, docile wives at home already. They went to geishas for intelligent conversation, a bit of wit, entertainment, flirtation, and sex, if it happened, was incidental. The fact that geishas had some sex education at all made them more interesting partners in bed, not some "worshipfulness" on their part. Or so I understand.
I wonder if Rule Six is "Bind your feet, because men find small feet more attractive, and there's an added bonus! You can't run away, or, well, do much of anything at all, and will be in excruciating pain constantly, but, hey! Men like those small, deformed feet! It's all about what the menfolks want. If deforming yourself is required, then hop to it! It will be the last hopping you'll ever have to do. Awesome!"
Have we learned nothing? Do well-adjusted, smart men really want some dippy broad who has no interests other than worshiping them and treating them like children and having no interests other than their well-being? I thought we had grown past treating men like sex-obsessed gonad-ruled impulsive babies who need to be manipulated and sucked up to and coddled!
None of my boyfriends would have stood for it. The last thing they wanted was some idiot obsessing over them and being their Mummy.