Feminists Outwanked By Oppressed White, Middle-Class Males?
So, yeah. On THE_Forum, a woman posted a little tale about her co-worker (giving lots of personal information about said co-worker, easily enabling any bored stalker online to find out precisely who she was talking about; when confronted, she claimed that "Jo" was reading over her shoulder and aware that her personal business had been broadcast
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Courtesy is not the same as an assumption that a poor, defenseless little lady could not possibly open a bi, heavy door all by herself without your manly assistance. OMG, she'd be totally stranded on the sidewalk if the big burly manses hadn't opened a door for her! Must protect the poor fragile wimminfolk who might snap a wrist opening the big, heavy doorses!
I don't get any of that attitude from guys (and women!) who open the door for me. Nor do I think anything in particular about those I open doors for. I got there first, it is more polite to open it and hold it than to totally ignore the person behind me and let it slam in their face. It takes less than a second to perform the courtesy, and courtesy is one of the things that make living with other human beings bearable.
In your case, what I am seeing is etiquette, courtesy. Anyone making it a feminist issue is being a wanker, and we all know there are feminist wankers. Feminism does not automatically change a wanker into a non-wanker, it just makes non-feminists associate their wankerhood with the subject of feminism, where it does not belong. Yeah, we all really think that's groovy...oh, no. We don't.
In the case of the drongos in OPs' office, their focus is on taking over the coworker's battle for her and attacking violence with violence, the end result of which would probably be to focus the exBF's ire more solidly on poor Jo the coworker again. Also, though I did not make this a novel-length post by going and digging up non-related prior postings, they are described as being really nice and solicitous to the cute young things in the office, and not as inclined to give the time of day to those women who aren't. So the offers to go beat on the beating ex were in part flexing because Jo the coworker is young and cute.
So yeah, you got it in one! Stupid, innit?
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Well, they have been shown in several other comments to be a bit unevolved. You have no way of knowing that, of course.
Also, it is a response that would no doubt escalate the violence and cause more strife in Jo the Coworker's life, rather than a solution that would actually offer useful help.
Sure, the urge to defend a friend is admirable, but deciding that a macho beat-down on behalf of a coworker they barely know is a good plan? Not so much.
Their urge seems to be prompted, given the fact they barely know her, she's a brand new employee, more from the assumption that Jo can't find a better solution on her own, rather than out of outraged friendship. Would they offer to beat the crap out of some guy who pummeled one of their male buddies? No. There's the diff.
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Actually carrying it out, rather than offering more directly useful (and legal) means? I don't know you well at all, but I suspect the urge and the offer would be added on impulse, whereas actual useful help would be what you eventually offered.
Just a hunch.
The urge to "hurt back" bad people is, as noted, very human and a normal response. But the consequences that might befall Jo afterwards would no doubt be dire. I don't blame her for saying "Who are you, again? Steve-O from Accounting? Reg from Receiving? Have we met? And no, thank you." As satisfying as it might be for her to know her ex got a deserved drubbing from some bigger and meaner boys, it is her problem, and there are better ways to handle it, and more effective solutions that don't risk Steve-O and Reg and the penis-grabbing posse getting arrested for their misplaced sense of chivalry or Jo's exBF taking out his new grievance on her. How will being bloodied up change his whacked-out ideas about how people should treat others?
So, yeah, maybe you'd offer, and mean it. But would you then run off, all puffed up, fists swinging, and actually go DO it? For someone you just met? I wonder.
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