Breathing Space - An X-Files Cancer Arc Fanmix/Picspam/Meta Part II
"Let me at least give some meaning to what's happened to me."
Medium: Television
Fandom: The X-Files
A/N: The arc of Gethsemane/Redux/Redux II is my favorite in the whole series because of how it focuses more on the turmoil of emotions rather than the physicality of the journey. I feel that this arc represents the middle of the entire mythology; it's the turning point in a Shakespearean-like tale. The ramifications of this event affect both Mulder and Scully as individuals and as a couple. It's mostly a tale about guilt and sorrow and how power struggles affect one's ability to find the truth. This is the point when cancer arc becomes about so much more than Scully's cancer; it's about what it all means in the larger picture.
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As stated above, the Gethsemane/Redux/Redux II arc is my favorite multi-episode arc in the whole series. It has everything I love about The X-Files. Mulder and Scully's relationship, for the most part, has always been a strength in their lives, a driving force that acts as a circuit for respect and understanding. However, this arc is fascinating because it takes a turning point in which we see the utter danger that each puts the other in, particularly the danger Mulder can put Scully in. Her association with Mulder has nearly cost her her own life. Gethsemane is the episode when Mulder acknowledges this and plunges into utter sorrow and guilt at the revelation that his cause is what has endangered her. It recalls the Abduction Arc in many ways because that is when he first felt grief over the fact that Scully’s pain was due to her association with him. Gethsemane/Redux/Redux II is all about what is going on underneath, which is why I feel like it is one of the quieter but more powerful arcs in the series. I feel like it ranks amongst most people’s favorite arcs because it deals with the downfall of these characters rather than their progression, for the entire arc rests upon the premise that all of their work, the entirety of their cause, was built upon a lie. It’s a heartbreaking revelation because these two people base their lives on their ability to find meaning through how they push boundaries to discover the truth. To be told that they were pawns in a game, it’s a soul destroyer. To be honest, I feel that the only thing that kept Mulder’s sanity was his knowledge that he had to save Scully. His need for her is more apparent in this arc than in any other. His dependence is not just out of his need for her intelligence to aid him in his journey, but he feels an unending loyalty to her because she has suffered because of him. It is this loss of faith in authority and humanity that is the overarching theme of the three episodes. In Scully, we learn more about her struggle with God. In typical Scully fashion, she puts a wall around her heart when she needs to put the barriers down the most. In essence, this arc brings the show to its very core: a story about two platonic lovers struggling with ideas of faith and concrete evidence in a world that is amorally determined to prevent their search.
I love any episode or scene in which we see Scully struggling with her Catholic faith. Coupled with science, I feel like religion is the most fascinating aspect of her character. It’s interesting to see how she uses it as a leaning board while at the same time, she can't quite accept it. This is one of those moments. When Father McCue expresses to her that times of illness are when we need to return to faith rather than turn away from it, she very uncomfortably expresses to him that she would be lying to herself if she scampered back to her faith just because she is sick. I think that in times of distress and tragedy, Scully really relies on normalcy. It’s one of the reasons why she values work so much and can get quite obsessive about her career. Hell even when her father died, she still refused to take a day off. It’s the strength of her person that enables this endurance through times of struggle, but it’s also a coping mechanism. For her, relying on God to buoy her through the pain would be against her morals. She is so independent that she feels running to God would be a weakness.
This scene is fabulous simply because it’s great whenever Mulder and Scully are at odds ends instead of united in a cause. This scene harkens back to some of the scenes from Never Again, even though I feel that Scully is just being honest rather than bitchy. When Mulder asks for her opinion of the man and his allegation that there is an alien body in a glacier in Canada’s Yukon Territory, Scully basically expresses disinterest and that ‘proving the existence of extraterrestrial life is not her last dying wish’. I think this line really hits home because when she says ‘dying wish’ she actually means HER LAST DYING WISH. She has realized just how little time she has left, and with the unshared knowledge that her cancer has metastasized, she is feeling especially closed off to Mulder’s enthusiasm of this new discovery. She just seems very tired, weak, like she merely wants to go home where she doesn’t have to pretend that everything is okay. Scully tells Mulder that she can’t go with him to Canada, but the reason isn’t simply because she can’t, but because she is getting sicker and does not have the strength. But in classic Scully fashion, she does not tell him this. She would rather have him be ticked off at her than worried.
After falling down a flight of stairs, Bill Scully brings Scully a change of clothes. I’ve always liked Bill, most people in the fandom hate him and think he’s a douche, but I actually think that he makes a valid argument. Sure, his manner is kind of hostile, but I think he has a right to be mad at Mulder after everything that has happened to his family because of The X-Files. This scene will call back to Skinner telling off Scully in Max. Bill points out that it’s almost as if she is trying to cure herself and that by pushing herself to her limits, she is not obeying the responsibility she has to her family to get well. The funny thing is, I don’t think Scully ever felt like she had an obligation to them. I think she felt torn between her health and her obligation to Mulder. Ultimately, her obligation to Mulder won because it more effectively aligned with her what she seeks out of life: answers to questions.
This scene, in which Michael Kritschgau reveals that Mulder was a tool of the government to help cover up their misdeeds is a turning point in the arc. Scully’s cancer was always something that sat heavily between the two agents, that elephant in the room they did not really want to recognize. Nevertheless, I think they both viewed her disease more as a sign of her martyrdom than anything. Martyrdom might be too strong a word, but nevertheless, her cancer was a sign of government conspiracies that prevented the truth from coming out. With the revelation that the cancer was given to her merely as a tool to make Mulder believe in the existence of extraterrestrial life and the governments’ will to hide it, the disease develops a meaninglessness that neither can quite handle. To say that it was all for nothing not only erases the building blocks of their relationship, but it means her devotion to Mulder came at a cost that has no value behind it.
What I love about this scene is that Mulder is shedding tears, and I have a feeling it has much less to do with the knowledge that he was a pawn and more to do with the knowledge that Scully is dying without any real hope for survival, or any will to give meaning to her death. And then of course, we have the world’s worst cliffhanger.
Redux is a curious episode because I feel like so much happens, but all for the sake of the build-up to the emotionfuck that is Redux II. I think that what Redux proves is that Mulder and Scully do not always have to be together on the same mission in order to feel united or for the audience to feel their chemistry. It’s one of the things that The X-Files does better than other shows. The main characters are still connected in mind and spirit even when they’re not on screen together. It’s a hard thing to pull off, but these two are so intricately connected to each other and the writing is so strong that we see them in each other, fighting for eachother, even when they’re not together. I love seeing Mulder and Scully in their elements as well. After fabricating a story that Mulder is dead to enable him time and access to find answers, both agents sort of go off and do their own thing, working to prove that someone in the FBI is responsible for sending them on a journey of four years that turned out to be built upon a lie. We see Mulder in his element, breaking into the Pentagon and generally being Mulder in his rebelliousness, meanwhile we see Scully returning to her roots in science, using chemistry to prove that her DNA aligns with the DNA found in the Chimera cells. I like that The X-Files promotes the idea that the paranormal is very much a part of our existence,but yet it never denies science. Science is still a reliable method we need in this world to understand certain things about ourselves. Scully understands this, and this is why she places her faith in such methods, because they give her the answers she desires to know about the universe.
Another large theme in Redux and Redux II is the nature of mistrust. It’s where ‘trust no one’ becomes highly relevant. The show establishes the Mulder and Scully relationship as one built on great trust because they have integrity and honesty in their work. However, as XF has taught us, not everyone has good intentions, and though sometimes the bad guy is not really a bad guy, it’s hard to put ones fate in the hands of others when so much is at stake for everyone. Skinner is one of those people whose motives are sometimes hard to assess. Scully is usually the one who is quick to trust people, but the fact that she outright disregards Skinner as someone to be trusted under the knowledge that he could be the mole in the FBI, it’s proof of how little time she knows she has left. She is driven by this knowledge. And she knows that she needs answers before her time is up.
This is where we get the idea of how strong these two are apart. In a lesser show, the characters would not be as interesting when not together. However, with two very developed characters, we not only feel the power of their individuality, but we still feel the intense chemistry of them as a couple. I love that Scully finds her answers in science and Mulder finds his answers by going on the hunt. It's the perfect assignment, and together they are on this mission, united even when not together.
And then she faints. And it’s really sad because we all know that when Scully is weak, it’s because she truly is weak and no longer has the strength to pretend to be okay. This is worse than anything because when Scully does not hide her weakness, we know it has to be because it’s too unbearable to withstand anymore.
Redux II is a really special episode for me, very personal in a weird way. I think that in some manners, I have very similar struggles to Scully. I too wear a cross around my neck, more as a sign of hope than as a sign of firm belief. The themes of this episode, I think, are very universal and very relatable. I think that every couple, romantic or platonic, encounters the guilt stemming from the idea that maybe true human connection can be more of a poison than a blessing, that everything we work for in life is not worth it when it can all come crashing down in a second. I think everyone identifies with brokenness, which is what this episode specializes in. Mulder is broken at the thought that he led his partner down a futile path; Scully is broken at the thought that her faith means so little in the big picture; Mrs. Scully is broken because she sees her daughter hurt; Bill Scully is broken because of everything that has happened to his family since the arrival of Mulder into their lives. Even CSM, though it is less obvious, is broken. He wouldn’t have been holding a picture of Mulder and Samantha in the end if he wasn’t. On the surface, it’s one big government conspiracy, but what I love about this episode more than anything is that it places the prime emotions first. Redux II is the episode where, for me, everything that this show is about comes full circle.
The first scene is basically just a heartbreaking display of Mulder angst. Upon seeing Scully in the hospital, hooked to machines, the life slowly seeping from her, it kills him. I love that he remains fairly calm, if a bit distressed, until Skinner actually utters the words ‘she’s dying’. That’s when the shit hits the fan. It’s a case of ‘seeing is believing’. For so long they were able to deny her sickness in the hopes that she would be getting better, in the hopes that the day would never come when she would be lying in a hospital bed merely waiting for death to arrive. But now that the day has come, it’s startling for Mulder to begin envisioning a life without her.
I love seeing Mulder and Scully being so intimate. I love that he looks at her so adoringly, like she’s the most gorgeous woman on earth even when she’s dying in bed with cancer. It warms my heart. It’s a pretty intense moment; she tells him to blame the death of Scott Ostlehoff on her because it would give ‘some meaning to what has happened to her’. This is what I find most genius about the cancer arc: if Scully had to face a tragic end, I think everybody imagined her going out with a spectacular death. But instead, her cancer is anti-climactic, it does not speak volumes about the work she has done.
Some of my favorite moments in Redux II come from the tension between Bill Scully and Mulder. I can understand where the root of his anger is coming from. However irrational he may be, his hurt feels the need to place blame. What’s most intriguing is Mulder’s reaction. When Bill asks him what it was all for, “little green men?”. Mulder very calmly says “Yeah, little green men”. He takes it very sorrowfully, partially because of the guilt he already bares and partially because I think his compassion understands Bill’s need to blame him. It’s actually a very noble moment for Mulder.
Extending beyond the reaches of Scully’s cancer, we see Mulder still attempting to find the truth while saving his ass as his numerous lies are unearthed. Inevitably, it leads him to CSM and a myriad of other discoveries, like his sister. These scenes serve to show the emotional turmoil of Mulder. On top of dealing with Scully’s cancer, he has to deal with the revelation of himself as a government pawn. I think it becomes a true test of his loyalties when he has to decide who is out to save him and who is out to use him. On one hand, he has Skinner whom he trusts but Scully doesn’t, and on the other hand he has CSM, who is offering him a job to come work for him while at the same time handing him opportunities like the cure for Scully’s cancer and seeing his sister. What’s heartbreaking about this is that we get to see what it would be like if Mulder was on his own without a partner to rely on. Without Scully on this mission with him, he seems more confused and uncertain of who to trust than ever before. It’s a testament to how much he relies on her even though her job was to debunk his theories. He holds together well for the most part, but I love that you can see the panic in his eyes. With Scully around, he is much less conflicted.
Scully is looking for a miracle. I think it’s the first time that her faith has become very potent for her, and she’s trying to rely on it more than ever when science can’t necessarily cure her. It’s in these moments where we realize why Scully is a believer in the first place. I think she believes that all of her existence, all of her independence, it can’t rest on science alone. But I think her faith is failing her as well. In this moment, she believes that maybe, it was her faith that led her to have this cancer in the first place.
Scenes between Scully and her mom are always extra special because she is the one that Scully runs to when she is hurting. It’s strange and frightening to see Scully slightly frantic. All through the cancer arc, we have been astounded by how Scully is able to keep her cool, remain task-oriented and set aside her angst. And now, her fear comes in waves of emotion, slowly hitting the surface of her pain and retreating back again until the next time she feels like she is falling. She asks her mom why she wears the cross around her neck, why so much of her life has actually relied on a shallow faith. Maybe if she had abandoned her faith, resorted to logic in every opportunity, she would not be in the position she is in. Yet at the same time, we see that she’s scared to not have a faith. It’s her conflict between belief and logic rearing its ugly head.
I love scenes that are heartbreaking without words. It’s a recall of the moment in One Breath where Mulder goes home to his ransacked apartment and cries. He fights and he fights and he fights, trying to take action in any way he can to save her, but at the end of the day, he just simply needs her to be with him. In that quiet moment where he looks at her innocence in the dark, the guilt overcomes him and he realizes that it’s not about loyalties or conspiracy, but merely about his need for her to remain with him always.
I said up above that this episode is interesting because it’s almost how we would see Mulder if he was to no longer have Scully. This is the confirmation of that. "Then why did you come here?” “Because I knew if I was wrong you would talk me out of it”. As much as he pretends sometimes, he knows that Scully’s rational nature has saved him more than regressed him. He is the cause, but she is the channel through which he flows.
One of the most poignant shots in the whole XF series. She simply does not want to let him go.
The hearing. It’s a short scene, but it’s so powerful. It’s one of my favorite scenes in the whole series. The way this scene is written, the way the words are delivered, and how it is shot all make for a scene that manages to somehow, in the minute it is before our eyes, bring every many strands of the The X-Files mythology together. I think it shows how the conspiracy, the morality, the hidden games of government--- they are so much more than just obstructions to the truth, they cause unnecessary pain and suffering that cares more for power than human dignity.
There is a very climactic moment during the hearing where everything builds up to this one shot of Scully, a tear running down her face as she recites the Last Rites. The interesting nature of this shot is that it is juxtaposed with the scenes and dialogue of the FBI panel, displaying how far Mulder’s allegations extend. It’s such an interesting filming technique, and it gives me the utmost respect for the crew because of how they respect the true story being told here. This scene is very personal for me because I think it was the first time that I realized that this show is so much more than just a series of mythology arc episodes that deal with a plot to hide the existence of aliens. It’s an utterly human story, one in which we all fight for our lives, fight for the truth every single day, and how this reaches in to us personally, forming who we are at the core of our beings.
I kinda love this little scene of Mulder and Skinner bromance. The writers manage to resolve all of these entangling storylines, including that of Scully's mistrust of Skinner and Mulder's belief in him, all in a matter of about two minutes, which is sorta amazing.
In a way, this ending is perfect. It does not end with Scully, it does not end with her being told she is in remission, it doesn’t even end with Mulder and Scully together. It ends only with Mulder, staring at a blood-splattered picture of him and his sister. It’s one of those moments when the noise of the conspiracy settles. So much of The X-Files is running, escaping, learning, breaking into facilities. But now, in this quiet moment, we remember that the mythology is not about conspiracies, alien colonization, human experimentation, science, cancer, black oil, FBI infiltration; it’s all about the journey to reclaim love, and everything we must lose along the way to find it. And as Mulder begins to cry, looking at the remembrance of what caused him to begin this convoluted journey in the first place, we feel nothing but empathy for him and the woman in the next room who loves him enough to die for him.
8. Empty - Ray LaMontagne {♫}
She lifts her skirt up to her knees,
walks through the garden rows with her bare feet, laughing.
I never learned to count my blessings,
I choose instead to dwell in my disasters.
I walk on down the hill, through grass,
grown tall and brown and still its hard somehow to let go of my pain.
On past the busted back of that old and rusted Cadillac that sinks into this field, collecting rain. Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged.
9. Hope There's Someone - Antony and the Johnsons (shamelessly stolen from requiemx43's wonderful music video) {♫}
Hope there's someone
Who'll take care of me
When I die, will I go
Hope there's someone
Who'll set my heart free
Nice to hold when I'm tired
There's a ghost on the horizon
When I go to bed
How can I fall asleep at night
How will I rest my head
10. Breathing Space - X-Ray Dog {♫}
Instrumental.
11. Trouble - Coldplay (in my mind this is the most perfect song to describe Mulder in the cancer arc) {♫}
Oh no, I see,
A spider web is tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I'd said.
Oh no, what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
So I turn to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done.
And I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong.
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
And oh no, I never meant to do you harm.
Oh no, I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here am I in my little bubble.
Singing I, never meant to cause you trouble,
And I, never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm.
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me.
12. The Blues - Switchfoot {♫}
Is this what they call freedom?
Is this what you call pain?
Is this what they call discontented fame?
It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in
When the world caves in
When the world caves in
Is there nothing left now?
Nothing left to sing
Are there any left who hasn't kiss the enemy?
Is this the New Year or just another desperation?
Does justice never find you?
Do the wicked never lose?
Is there any honest song to sing besides these blues?
"I had evidence of a conspiracy. A conspiracy against the American people, a conspiracy intended to destroy the lives of those who would reveal it's true purpose. To conduct experiments on unwitting victims, to further their secret agenda for someone further into the government operating at levels without restraint or responsibility, without morals or conscience... Men who pretend to honor as they deceive.. The price of this betrayal, the lives and reputations of those deceived. Agent Scully is in a hospital bed right now diagnosed with terminal cancer, the victim of these same tests, conducted without her knowledge or consent, by these same men who are trying to cover their tracks, who suborn and persecute the same people they've used in their plot, I will now call by name!" - Mulder, Redux II
Well that includes the epic XF project, I hope you all enjoyed it. Again, I apologize if the cover art is not attached to the song files, but it is there in the zip if you need it. I'm sorry if there's any issues with any of the songs, just let me know if you need anything, my computer acts like a dumbshit with these kind of things.
Comments are very much appreciated <3