i've got soul, but i'm not a soldier
tonight was awesome. julie's mom had a little shindig thing so a bunch of people were over there, and it was fun. cory had to leave (boo) and then around 11 we went to get the car washed, and while the white soap was covering the car we were talking about how the scary man walking through the parking lot probably snuck in while we were in the car wash. then we started thinking that he was waiting outside with a gun for the soap to get rinsed off, and we screamed a little. but, we're alive.
we drove around for a little while, and talked and talked and talked. it was good, we talked about things we usually do but every conversation is purifying. therapeutic, even.
i haven't laughed so hard in a while, and i think it was needed.
kittens today were fun. i really am in love with Maya. she's a little black, gorgeous thing, and i really hope julie's mom will let her foster her. she's got the best personality, and i can't see why she's still there. she's wonderful.
sean called me today and asked me a very important question. he's a funny kid.
i should be doing homework, but that's what sundays are for. i really cherish these weekends.
dance is going to be pretty killer tomorrow. the fuete combination just got harder- straight leg fuetes in to a double in to more straight leg fuetes in to another double. it's not bad, and me and BECCA can DOOOO it!
i really need to call Kim, probably tomorrow. just fyi.
and now, time for a little pointless questioning of the future:
what's my problem? i know it's dumb, but for so reason, i want nothing more than to study at the University of Chicago. logically, it's not a great idea. it's about $40,000 a year (plus other expenses), the campus is nothing amazing. but there's this part of me that wants to go there SO badly. i think it's the part of me that drives me to put up with honors classes. i have a need to exceed, if you will. i'm an overacheiver, of sorts. i'm a big nerd, and i care about school, and i feel like i need to go to a prestigious school. being a student at the university of chicago would be such an honor- to be there among people way smarter than me. yet, i know i need to go to ISU or UofI or UIC because they're much more logical. they're cheap in comparison, and they're good schools. yet, i just don't know. it's frustrating.
the other thing is that i know i should go to COD. i know i should get my Gen Ed classes out of the way, and save thousands of dollars. but yet, i want to go to school. it's not that i want to leave my family, because i love my home life and i couldn't imagine having a better family. but i want to experience things for myself. whenever i've gone to ISU or Iowa, it's such an awesome feeling to be sneaking around with kate causing mischief at 4am. it's awesome to slide papers with random pictures under that kyle kid's door, just 'cause we can. i just like the freedom. i don't know.
and i'm also nervous about my career. i know i want to work in psychology, because i really am passionate for it. yet i'm so scared that i won't be able to cut it, that i won't be good enough, that i won't make any money. and let's face it- it shouldn't be about the money, but it is. i want to have a NICE house and wear nice clothes and have a nice car and not have to worry about paying for all of it. i'm not saying i want to be insanely rich, but i want to be comfortable. according to the OOH thing, the average salary for a psychologist is about $50,000. though that's good money, it's not great. and that may very well be might greedy of me, but i can't help but hope it's wrong. i'm greedy.
you don't care, i know, but i care a lot. a lot a lot.
we drove around for a little while, and talked and talked and talked. it was good, we talked about things we usually do but every conversation is purifying. therapeutic, even.
i haven't laughed so hard in a while, and i think it was needed.
kittens today were fun. i really am in love with Maya. she's a little black, gorgeous thing, and i really hope julie's mom will let her foster her. she's got the best personality, and i can't see why she's still there. she's wonderful.
sean called me today and asked me a very important question. he's a funny kid.
i should be doing homework, but that's what sundays are for. i really cherish these weekends.
dance is going to be pretty killer tomorrow. the fuete combination just got harder- straight leg fuetes in to a double in to more straight leg fuetes in to another double. it's not bad, and me and BECCA can DOOOO it!
i really need to call Kim, probably tomorrow. just fyi.
and now, time for a little pointless questioning of the future:
what's my problem? i know it's dumb, but for so reason, i want nothing more than to study at the University of Chicago. logically, it's not a great idea. it's about $40,000 a year (plus other expenses), the campus is nothing amazing. but there's this part of me that wants to go there SO badly. i think it's the part of me that drives me to put up with honors classes. i have a need to exceed, if you will. i'm an overacheiver, of sorts. i'm a big nerd, and i care about school, and i feel like i need to go to a prestigious school. being a student at the university of chicago would be such an honor- to be there among people way smarter than me. yet, i know i need to go to ISU or UofI or UIC because they're much more logical. they're cheap in comparison, and they're good schools. yet, i just don't know. it's frustrating.
the other thing is that i know i should go to COD. i know i should get my Gen Ed classes out of the way, and save thousands of dollars. but yet, i want to go to school. it's not that i want to leave my family, because i love my home life and i couldn't imagine having a better family. but i want to experience things for myself. whenever i've gone to ISU or Iowa, it's such an awesome feeling to be sneaking around with kate causing mischief at 4am. it's awesome to slide papers with random pictures under that kyle kid's door, just 'cause we can. i just like the freedom. i don't know.
and i'm also nervous about my career. i know i want to work in psychology, because i really am passionate for it. yet i'm so scared that i won't be able to cut it, that i won't be good enough, that i won't make any money. and let's face it- it shouldn't be about the money, but it is. i want to have a NICE house and wear nice clothes and have a nice car and not have to worry about paying for all of it. i'm not saying i want to be insanely rich, but i want to be comfortable. according to the OOH thing, the average salary for a psychologist is about $50,000. though that's good money, it's not great. and that may very well be might greedy of me, but i can't help but hope it's wrong. i'm greedy.
you don't care, i know, but i care a lot. a lot a lot.