A Thousand Beautiful Things | 7
Title: A Thousand Beautiful Things
Author: lemon_bar
Rating: R
Chapter Seven: Puzzle Pieces
Month Two: Week Three
Brian had only seen it happen once, but that was enough. He greeted the commencement of the third week in the month with a sort of trepidation, and just like the rest of the Gang, he kept a wary eye on his roommate. Justin, for his part, seemed just like he always did ; except that he blushed more, and cast shy glances at Brian when he thought Brian wasn’t looking. That had become normal, though, ever since Brian had taken their teasing notes delivered by Gus-bear to a more blatant level. ‘Was it good for you?’ and Justin had spent an entire day glowing pink and refusing to meet Brian’s eyes. He had pushed too hard too quickly, and the notes had ceased altogether, but Justin wasn’t avoiding him, exactly. It seemed to Brian as if the boy was just trying to regain his balance now that the game had moved to a different level.
“Maybe this week will be different,” Michael offered as the group watched Justin leave for his therapy appointment. Being a depressive, however, Michael hadn’t mustered any confidence in his voice as he said it, and though everyone nodded no one believed it. Justin’s strange attacks had been a regular occurrence since the beginning of the year, and though they had seemingly begun without cause, Brian found it difficult to believe they would cease altogether without help.
“The best thing you can do,” Emmett said with resigned certainty. “Is to pretend everything is just fine. I had a long talk with my therapist, and he agreed. You start getting nervous and fussing, and it just makes Justin nervous and maybe it will make it worse. So just take it easy and pretend everything’s fine.”
Still, Brian couldn’t help watching Justin. He was a ticking time bomb, and though Brian wasn’t really concerned about being hurt, he couldn’t help hoping that when Justin did go off, it would happen like it had last time ; in a large space with lots of nursing staff around. Otherwise, Brian wasn’t certain what he would do. He didn’t know what behaviour to look for, didn’t know how best to react. He hadn’t been present to see how exactly Justin moved from his quiet, relaxed self to the fighting desperate thing that the nursing staff had been forced to sedate.
Brian stuck to the belief that a reaction like that had to be caused by something. Still, what Melanie had said was likewise true. They were in a hospital, and though Brian had found a group of people who were still clear minded and coherent, for the most part, the patients of Liberty were not mentally sound, did not have full control of their behaviour.
Justin Taylor did not speak. He sketched on any surface available to him at any given time which included, but was not limited to paper napkins, scrap pieces of paper, sketchbooks that the nurses on the Liberty staff would smuggle to him, Styrofoam, cardboard and the inside cover of books he took form the library. He was eighteen years old, almost nineteen. He had a teddy bear named Gus. He was intelligent and had a wicked sense of humour. He was enigmatic and exceptionally complicated and not even his own therapist had a clue how to handle him. He’d been a patient at Liberty for nearly two years and didn’t seem to have any inclination to leave. He had a family and a dog, but none of them visited since they’d dropped him off here. He enjoyed reading. Every third week of the month he suffered some kind of fit which prompted the staff to sedate him and lock him away where he couldn’t hurt anyone, not even himself, and when he returned to his room everyone was happy to pretend all was normal. Even Justin. Brian, however, was growing tired of the many mysteries surrounding his roommate. He’d been trying to get him to speak, to no avail. This week, Brian was going to figure-out what the hell was happening to his young roommate.
Shadowing Justin Taylor was surprisingly easy. Making it appear as if he wasn’t shadowing Justin Taylor when, in fact that was precisely what he was doing was more complicated.
There wasn’t much that Brian found-out about the blond that he didn’t know already. Justin did the same things as he always did: walks in the garden, sketching, and spending long hours in the library. As the days were passing, it was looking as if, just maybe, Justin would make it through the week without incident. By Wednesday, everyone was holding their breath, and though Justin seemed a bit jumpy, his habits hadn’t altered.
“If it doesn’t happen this week, though,” Emmett said as he walked with Michael and Brian in the garden, the other two members of the Gang accompanying Brian as he shadowed Justin. “I won’t be able to relax at all. What if it just got pushed back a week, or something?”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Michael said. “My mom said that if this sort of thing happens in a pattern, then the pattern sticks. Any alteration in the pattern is like a giant red flag.”
“A red flag about what?” Emmett asked.
“I dunno,” Michael said with a shrug. After that, Brian noticed that even the nursing staff was keeping an extra eye on Justin. Even with everyone on alert, they hit Friday and nothing had happened. Brian ate breakfast with the Gang and left for his morning session with Lindsay. After a quick lunch, during which Emmett who, despite cautions against it, already daring to believe that Justin would be just fine, was extra-talkative and loud, Brian left for his appointment with Blake.
“I have to congratulate myself for your progress,” Blake said as he went-over Brian’s results.
“Don’t I get some of the credit?” Brian huffed, but Blake was ignoring him.
“How’s that anger coming?” Blake asked, finally deigning to look up from his clipboard. “Pretty good, right? Your liver is clearing out nicely. Still, I’ll give you a little of this,” he jotted something down on one of the charts that outlined Brian’s meal-plan. Brian leant against the wall as he sat on the exam table, closing his eyes as Blake mumbled to himself about the changes to Brian’s plan and the pills he was adding.
“I’m assuming the new meal plan is working for you, since I haven’t heard any complaints,” Blake asked.
“It’s fine,” Brian answered. At least there weren’t any ‘power drinks’ or particularly smelly pills. The food was normal food, if a bit selective, and there was flavour, there was no way Brian was going to complain about that.
“Excellent, we’ll keep you on it,” Blake said. He handed over one of the charts for Brian’s personal reference and placed the other in the ‘out’ pile to be collected by the nursing staff. It was routine to Brian by now. “Off you go, then.”
Brian folded up the plan and tucked it in the breast pocket of his uniform shirt and headed back to building two. He hesitated at the main door, but the floor was quiet. With a sense of relief, Brian headed back to his room, not pausing to knock.
Justin was inside, seated on his bed. His back was against the wall, his knees tucked close to his chest with his arms around them. Gus-Bear was tucked under Justin’s chin, squashed between his head and his knees. Justin’s eyes were squeezed tightly shut and his was coming in short, panicked gasps.
“Justin?” Brian asked, immediately on guard. He wondered if he should call for a nurse, but Justin was sitting quietly at the moment and Brian couldn’t get the memory of the orderlies grappling with his terrified roommate. Instead, he approached the bed cautiously. “Justin, it’s me, Brian,” Brian said. Justin kept his eyes closed, still struggling for breath. “That’s it,” Brian said, assuming the blond was focussing on continuing to breath. “Just focus on your breath.” He kneeled down on Justin’s bed, wondering how best to go about offering comfort to the boy, but Justin flinched back, his breath stuttering and holding.
“Justin!” Brian said, placing a firm hand on his roommate’s arm, hoping to jolt him out of his panic. Justin’s eyes snapped open and immediately connected with Brian’s. “It’s okay. It’s just me.” The shiver that went through the smaller frame let Brian know that Justin had been expecting someone else. Still, Justin seemed to calm after a moment, still struggling to breath, but allowing Brian to sit near him at least.
Brian ignored the knock on the door when it came, but there was no way to ignore Michael when he entered the room and stopped like a deer in headlights at the site of Justin, obviously in the grips of a panic-attack and only just managing to not teeter into unconsciousness. “Mom!” Michael yelled.
“No, don’t,” Brian tried, but Michael had already turned and was shouting for help ; from anybody, quickly, please ; and soon the nurses ; knowing what to expect ; flooded the room with orderlies behind them, and Justin wasn’t calm anymore.
“Come away, Brian. Move slowly,” one of the nurses said. Orderlies were already on the bed, reaching for the blond. Brian stayed in place, but as soon as the orderlies got close, Justin couldn’t contain his panic and he kicked out.
“God dammit!” one of the orderlies yelled, leaping off the bed and gripping his side where he’d been kicked. “Hold him down!”
“Get the sedative!” a nurse ordered. Brian was pushed aside as Justin fought and the orderlies struggled to keep him still, and the nurses offered trite, soothing words and prepped a sedative.
“It’s okay, Brian,” Michael said, and Brian realized he’d been pushed out of the room altogether and that he was rather shell-shocked. “My mom will take good care of him.”
“Yeah,” Brian said. “Sure.”
................
Lindsay came by the room after dinner, two and a half hours after Justin had been sedated and removed to solitary. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“About what?” Brian asked, at a loss.
“About what happened today. Are you okay?”
“I wasn’t the one who was having the panic-attack,” Brian scoffed.
“Sometimes seeing something like that is jarring. It can affect us on a deep level and we may not realize it right away,” Lindsay offered.
“He was terrified,” Brian explained, enunciating and speaking clearly so as to make certain she understood. “He was having a panic-attack. The staff came in and drugged him and hauled him off. The only thing that was disturbing was that it seemed like he might have managed to calm down if the entire staff of the floor didn’t descend on us.”
“I already spoke to the others on the floor. They won’t behave like that again. I should point-out, though, that these attacks have been happening for some time now. People are getting accustomed to handling them.”
“So I saw today,” Brian said. “How much of it, though, is just that people think they know exactly how to handle this. I thought Liberty was all for progressive, crazy ways of treating things?”
“Liberty has a very specific code that we adhere to. We believe, in a situation like Justin’s that the best course is to give them some space where they can regain their bearings. This was by no means the first way in which we tried to handle these attacks, but we saw the fastest and the best results from this.”
“Well, what scares him in the first place?” Brian asked.
“Brian ; we don’t know,” Lindsay said. “There are so many possible things. We’re just not sure.”
................
By lights-out, Brian was in bed but had no intention of staying there. He lies very still for an hour before he pushes the covers aside. He knows the perfect choreography that is the night-staff of Liberty Hospital. Room-checks at nine-thirty and lights-out at ten, how the nurses at the station don’t watch TV, but they read books, their ears straining to hear any sound. How the nurses patrolling the halls don’t peek into the rooms, but are always listening, ready in case someone needs them. Room-checks again at midnight, but until then it’s just him and the hallway, so long as he can stay out of site.
He doesn’t put on his slippers, worried that even their soft soles might scuff on the cool floor and attract attention. The quiet seemed loud ; ringing in his ears, but he crossed to the door and pushed it open slightly, peeking out. The night nurse was only just passing the door, but didn’t notice it had opened. Brian waited, approximating the time it would take the nurse to reach the end of the hall and turn before he pushed open the door again. The hall was empty.
The third floor of Liberty was full of shadows, the light coming only from the windows at the end of the hall on the left and the soft glow of the nurse’s station on the right. It was quiet and peaceful in a way that Brian had never seen a hospital be. Remembering the way to the solitary rooms that Emmett had showed him, Brian set off. He stayed close to the walls, fully prepared to duck into one of the bedrooms if a nurse turned into the hall.
There were twelve solitary rooms; only three of them were occupied. Brian knew from the Gang’s earlier visit, that Justin’s room was the fifth one down, with marigold painted walls and a white mission bed. Justin hadn’t acknowledged them when they’d peeked-in through the window. Not even with Emmett calling loudly and waving his hands. Since windows lined one entire side of that hall there was more light, which meant that when Brian turned into the hall and caught the movement of a night-nurse exiting one of the rooms, he could tell with absolute certainty that it was Christopher, the nurse who the month before had shone a flashlight in Brian’s face. And the room he was exiting was Justin’s.
Brian hid, listening to the man’s footsteps as they retreated down the hall in the opposite direction, then he walked briskly to Justin’s door and peered inside. Justin was curled-up on his bed, rocking back and forth, his eyes open wide and looking somewhat stunned. The expression made the hairs on the back of Brian’s neck prickle. He tapped on the window and Justin’s whole body jerked, blue eyes turning to meet Brian’s, but after a moment of holding the stare, Justin simply turned his back to Brian.
..............
Dr. Blake Wyzsecki had gloated that morning that he had been busy working miracles and had taken credit for Brian’s lessening anger, claiming it was a result of toxins in his system. Dr. Lindsay Peterson was helping him ‘work through his issues’ and had claimed that ‘facing the problem and talking about it’ was helping him understand where the anger was coming from and to cope with it productively. Brian had even noticed he’d been calmer of late. That notion changed when he realized he was barely holding back from tearing off down the hallway and bludgeoning Christopher with the flashlight the asshole carried.
Nothing was certain, though. Brian knew Christopher was an asshole, that wasn’t the issue. Brian couldn’t be definite that the nurse had done anything to Justin. Brian hadn’t seen anything except Christopher exiting Justin’s room, something the night-nurse had every right to be doing ; something he was supposed to be doing. While Justin had looked disturbed when Brian had peered into the room, it was not definitive proof. Justin had been upset since Brian had found him in their room. Brian had no proof that anything had happened at all, and if he was going to stop it from happening again, he would need to get some.
..............
Justin returned to their room on Sunday after dinner. Brian had spent Saturday in a distracted visit with Ted and had avoided the Gang, choosing to spend his time in the library where he tried to think of something he could do to figure-out exactly what was going on between Christopher and Justin.
Unlike the last time Brian had seen him after his release from solitary, Justin went beyond avoiding contact. He was avoiding Brian as well, something which was difficult considering they shared the room and the staff was coming around for room checks. So while Justin sat on his bed and sketched furiously, ignoring Brian, Brian sat opposite and stared at Gus-bear. It was his night with the bear. Justin seemed to need him more.
Brian guessed the reason for his roommate’s altered behaviour. Brian had seen Justin in solitary after Chris had left. The blond probably figured he knew everything that had happened ; which was untrue, but Brian had a few ideas, and that was enough. Decision made, Brian took a piece of paper from his drawer and the marker he’d stolen from the nurse’s station. He wrote his message clearly, then placed it in the teddy bear’s arms before moving cautiously across the room and setting Gus-bear on Justin’s nightstand. Justin was clearly trying to seem as if he were not paying attention. Brian returned to his bed and sat down, watching.
Justin lasted five minutes before his curiosity caused his eyes to lift and drift to where the teddy sat. The bear held the placard for Justin to see: ‘I won’t hurt you.’ Brian watched as Justin simply stared at it. For the longest time, that’s all the blond did. Lights-out came and went, plunging them into darkness save the scant light offered by a small and distant moon. Justin hadn’t moved, hadn’t made a sound. Until a sniffle caught Brian’s attention. Then another. Justin was crying.
Bravery or stupidity, or a sense of compassion that Brian had thought ; hoped ; had been destroyed ages ago, drove him across the room until he was sitting on Justin’s bed as the blond cried. He risked placing a tentative hand on the young man’s shoulder, fully prepared to be kicked or slapped away. Instead, Justin crumpled into his arms, curling into a ball, artist’s fingers clinging tightly to Brian’s uniform shirt. Justin cried as quietly as he laughed.
Brian didn’t know the first damn thing about comforting someone, but he’d done fine so far. He reached for the teddy bear, removed the sign and the sunglasses, and then pressed Gus into Justin’s arms. Justin shifted, tucking Gus under his chin, and moving so that he himself was tucked against Brian the same way the bear was tucked against him. Brian held him as he cried, his mind racing. “What the hell did he do to you, Sunshine?” Brian asked quietly. Justin didn’t say a word.
|<< [END CHAPTER] >>|
masterpost
Author: lemon_bar
Rating: R
Chapter Seven: Puzzle Pieces
Month Two: Week Three
Brian had only seen it happen once, but that was enough. He greeted the commencement of the third week in the month with a sort of trepidation, and just like the rest of the Gang, he kept a wary eye on his roommate. Justin, for his part, seemed just like he always did ; except that he blushed more, and cast shy glances at Brian when he thought Brian wasn’t looking. That had become normal, though, ever since Brian had taken their teasing notes delivered by Gus-bear to a more blatant level. ‘Was it good for you?’ and Justin had spent an entire day glowing pink and refusing to meet Brian’s eyes. He had pushed too hard too quickly, and the notes had ceased altogether, but Justin wasn’t avoiding him, exactly. It seemed to Brian as if the boy was just trying to regain his balance now that the game had moved to a different level.
“Maybe this week will be different,” Michael offered as the group watched Justin leave for his therapy appointment. Being a depressive, however, Michael hadn’t mustered any confidence in his voice as he said it, and though everyone nodded no one believed it. Justin’s strange attacks had been a regular occurrence since the beginning of the year, and though they had seemingly begun without cause, Brian found it difficult to believe they would cease altogether without help.
“The best thing you can do,” Emmett said with resigned certainty. “Is to pretend everything is just fine. I had a long talk with my therapist, and he agreed. You start getting nervous and fussing, and it just makes Justin nervous and maybe it will make it worse. So just take it easy and pretend everything’s fine.”
Still, Brian couldn’t help watching Justin. He was a ticking time bomb, and though Brian wasn’t really concerned about being hurt, he couldn’t help hoping that when Justin did go off, it would happen like it had last time ; in a large space with lots of nursing staff around. Otherwise, Brian wasn’t certain what he would do. He didn’t know what behaviour to look for, didn’t know how best to react. He hadn’t been present to see how exactly Justin moved from his quiet, relaxed self to the fighting desperate thing that the nursing staff had been forced to sedate.
Brian stuck to the belief that a reaction like that had to be caused by something. Still, what Melanie had said was likewise true. They were in a hospital, and though Brian had found a group of people who were still clear minded and coherent, for the most part, the patients of Liberty were not mentally sound, did not have full control of their behaviour.
Justin Taylor did not speak. He sketched on any surface available to him at any given time which included, but was not limited to paper napkins, scrap pieces of paper, sketchbooks that the nurses on the Liberty staff would smuggle to him, Styrofoam, cardboard and the inside cover of books he took form the library. He was eighteen years old, almost nineteen. He had a teddy bear named Gus. He was intelligent and had a wicked sense of humour. He was enigmatic and exceptionally complicated and not even his own therapist had a clue how to handle him. He’d been a patient at Liberty for nearly two years and didn’t seem to have any inclination to leave. He had a family and a dog, but none of them visited since they’d dropped him off here. He enjoyed reading. Every third week of the month he suffered some kind of fit which prompted the staff to sedate him and lock him away where he couldn’t hurt anyone, not even himself, and when he returned to his room everyone was happy to pretend all was normal. Even Justin. Brian, however, was growing tired of the many mysteries surrounding his roommate. He’d been trying to get him to speak, to no avail. This week, Brian was going to figure-out what the hell was happening to his young roommate.
Shadowing Justin Taylor was surprisingly easy. Making it appear as if he wasn’t shadowing Justin Taylor when, in fact that was precisely what he was doing was more complicated.
There wasn’t much that Brian found-out about the blond that he didn’t know already. Justin did the same things as he always did: walks in the garden, sketching, and spending long hours in the library. As the days were passing, it was looking as if, just maybe, Justin would make it through the week without incident. By Wednesday, everyone was holding their breath, and though Justin seemed a bit jumpy, his habits hadn’t altered.
“If it doesn’t happen this week, though,” Emmett said as he walked with Michael and Brian in the garden, the other two members of the Gang accompanying Brian as he shadowed Justin. “I won’t be able to relax at all. What if it just got pushed back a week, or something?”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Michael said. “My mom said that if this sort of thing happens in a pattern, then the pattern sticks. Any alteration in the pattern is like a giant red flag.”
“A red flag about what?” Emmett asked.
“I dunno,” Michael said with a shrug. After that, Brian noticed that even the nursing staff was keeping an extra eye on Justin. Even with everyone on alert, they hit Friday and nothing had happened. Brian ate breakfast with the Gang and left for his morning session with Lindsay. After a quick lunch, during which Emmett who, despite cautions against it, already daring to believe that Justin would be just fine, was extra-talkative and loud, Brian left for his appointment with Blake.
“I have to congratulate myself for your progress,” Blake said as he went-over Brian’s results.
“Don’t I get some of the credit?” Brian huffed, but Blake was ignoring him.
“How’s that anger coming?” Blake asked, finally deigning to look up from his clipboard. “Pretty good, right? Your liver is clearing out nicely. Still, I’ll give you a little of this,” he jotted something down on one of the charts that outlined Brian’s meal-plan. Brian leant against the wall as he sat on the exam table, closing his eyes as Blake mumbled to himself about the changes to Brian’s plan and the pills he was adding.
“I’m assuming the new meal plan is working for you, since I haven’t heard any complaints,” Blake asked.
“It’s fine,” Brian answered. At least there weren’t any ‘power drinks’ or particularly smelly pills. The food was normal food, if a bit selective, and there was flavour, there was no way Brian was going to complain about that.
“Excellent, we’ll keep you on it,” Blake said. He handed over one of the charts for Brian’s personal reference and placed the other in the ‘out’ pile to be collected by the nursing staff. It was routine to Brian by now. “Off you go, then.”
Brian folded up the plan and tucked it in the breast pocket of his uniform shirt and headed back to building two. He hesitated at the main door, but the floor was quiet. With a sense of relief, Brian headed back to his room, not pausing to knock.
Justin was inside, seated on his bed. His back was against the wall, his knees tucked close to his chest with his arms around them. Gus-Bear was tucked under Justin’s chin, squashed between his head and his knees. Justin’s eyes were squeezed tightly shut and his was coming in short, panicked gasps.
“Justin?” Brian asked, immediately on guard. He wondered if he should call for a nurse, but Justin was sitting quietly at the moment and Brian couldn’t get the memory of the orderlies grappling with his terrified roommate. Instead, he approached the bed cautiously. “Justin, it’s me, Brian,” Brian said. Justin kept his eyes closed, still struggling for breath. “That’s it,” Brian said, assuming the blond was focussing on continuing to breath. “Just focus on your breath.” He kneeled down on Justin’s bed, wondering how best to go about offering comfort to the boy, but Justin flinched back, his breath stuttering and holding.
“Justin!” Brian said, placing a firm hand on his roommate’s arm, hoping to jolt him out of his panic. Justin’s eyes snapped open and immediately connected with Brian’s. “It’s okay. It’s just me.” The shiver that went through the smaller frame let Brian know that Justin had been expecting someone else. Still, Justin seemed to calm after a moment, still struggling to breath, but allowing Brian to sit near him at least.
Brian ignored the knock on the door when it came, but there was no way to ignore Michael when he entered the room and stopped like a deer in headlights at the site of Justin, obviously in the grips of a panic-attack and only just managing to not teeter into unconsciousness. “Mom!” Michael yelled.
“No, don’t,” Brian tried, but Michael had already turned and was shouting for help ; from anybody, quickly, please ; and soon the nurses ; knowing what to expect ; flooded the room with orderlies behind them, and Justin wasn’t calm anymore.
“Come away, Brian. Move slowly,” one of the nurses said. Orderlies were already on the bed, reaching for the blond. Brian stayed in place, but as soon as the orderlies got close, Justin couldn’t contain his panic and he kicked out.
“God dammit!” one of the orderlies yelled, leaping off the bed and gripping his side where he’d been kicked. “Hold him down!”
“Get the sedative!” a nurse ordered. Brian was pushed aside as Justin fought and the orderlies struggled to keep him still, and the nurses offered trite, soothing words and prepped a sedative.
“It’s okay, Brian,” Michael said, and Brian realized he’d been pushed out of the room altogether and that he was rather shell-shocked. “My mom will take good care of him.”
“Yeah,” Brian said. “Sure.”
................
Lindsay came by the room after dinner, two and a half hours after Justin had been sedated and removed to solitary. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“About what?” Brian asked, at a loss.
“About what happened today. Are you okay?”
“I wasn’t the one who was having the panic-attack,” Brian scoffed.
“Sometimes seeing something like that is jarring. It can affect us on a deep level and we may not realize it right away,” Lindsay offered.
“He was terrified,” Brian explained, enunciating and speaking clearly so as to make certain she understood. “He was having a panic-attack. The staff came in and drugged him and hauled him off. The only thing that was disturbing was that it seemed like he might have managed to calm down if the entire staff of the floor didn’t descend on us.”
“I already spoke to the others on the floor. They won’t behave like that again. I should point-out, though, that these attacks have been happening for some time now. People are getting accustomed to handling them.”
“So I saw today,” Brian said. “How much of it, though, is just that people think they know exactly how to handle this. I thought Liberty was all for progressive, crazy ways of treating things?”
“Liberty has a very specific code that we adhere to. We believe, in a situation like Justin’s that the best course is to give them some space where they can regain their bearings. This was by no means the first way in which we tried to handle these attacks, but we saw the fastest and the best results from this.”
“Well, what scares him in the first place?” Brian asked.
“Brian ; we don’t know,” Lindsay said. “There are so many possible things. We’re just not sure.”
................
By lights-out, Brian was in bed but had no intention of staying there. He lies very still for an hour before he pushes the covers aside. He knows the perfect choreography that is the night-staff of Liberty Hospital. Room-checks at nine-thirty and lights-out at ten, how the nurses at the station don’t watch TV, but they read books, their ears straining to hear any sound. How the nurses patrolling the halls don’t peek into the rooms, but are always listening, ready in case someone needs them. Room-checks again at midnight, but until then it’s just him and the hallway, so long as he can stay out of site.
He doesn’t put on his slippers, worried that even their soft soles might scuff on the cool floor and attract attention. The quiet seemed loud ; ringing in his ears, but he crossed to the door and pushed it open slightly, peeking out. The night nurse was only just passing the door, but didn’t notice it had opened. Brian waited, approximating the time it would take the nurse to reach the end of the hall and turn before he pushed open the door again. The hall was empty.
The third floor of Liberty was full of shadows, the light coming only from the windows at the end of the hall on the left and the soft glow of the nurse’s station on the right. It was quiet and peaceful in a way that Brian had never seen a hospital be. Remembering the way to the solitary rooms that Emmett had showed him, Brian set off. He stayed close to the walls, fully prepared to duck into one of the bedrooms if a nurse turned into the hall.
There were twelve solitary rooms; only three of them were occupied. Brian knew from the Gang’s earlier visit, that Justin’s room was the fifth one down, with marigold painted walls and a white mission bed. Justin hadn’t acknowledged them when they’d peeked-in through the window. Not even with Emmett calling loudly and waving his hands. Since windows lined one entire side of that hall there was more light, which meant that when Brian turned into the hall and caught the movement of a night-nurse exiting one of the rooms, he could tell with absolute certainty that it was Christopher, the nurse who the month before had shone a flashlight in Brian’s face. And the room he was exiting was Justin’s.
Brian hid, listening to the man’s footsteps as they retreated down the hall in the opposite direction, then he walked briskly to Justin’s door and peered inside. Justin was curled-up on his bed, rocking back and forth, his eyes open wide and looking somewhat stunned. The expression made the hairs on the back of Brian’s neck prickle. He tapped on the window and Justin’s whole body jerked, blue eyes turning to meet Brian’s, but after a moment of holding the stare, Justin simply turned his back to Brian.
..............
Dr. Blake Wyzsecki had gloated that morning that he had been busy working miracles and had taken credit for Brian’s lessening anger, claiming it was a result of toxins in his system. Dr. Lindsay Peterson was helping him ‘work through his issues’ and had claimed that ‘facing the problem and talking about it’ was helping him understand where the anger was coming from and to cope with it productively. Brian had even noticed he’d been calmer of late. That notion changed when he realized he was barely holding back from tearing off down the hallway and bludgeoning Christopher with the flashlight the asshole carried.
Nothing was certain, though. Brian knew Christopher was an asshole, that wasn’t the issue. Brian couldn’t be definite that the nurse had done anything to Justin. Brian hadn’t seen anything except Christopher exiting Justin’s room, something the night-nurse had every right to be doing ; something he was supposed to be doing. While Justin had looked disturbed when Brian had peered into the room, it was not definitive proof. Justin had been upset since Brian had found him in their room. Brian had no proof that anything had happened at all, and if he was going to stop it from happening again, he would need to get some.
..............
Justin returned to their room on Sunday after dinner. Brian had spent Saturday in a distracted visit with Ted and had avoided the Gang, choosing to spend his time in the library where he tried to think of something he could do to figure-out exactly what was going on between Christopher and Justin.
Unlike the last time Brian had seen him after his release from solitary, Justin went beyond avoiding contact. He was avoiding Brian as well, something which was difficult considering they shared the room and the staff was coming around for room checks. So while Justin sat on his bed and sketched furiously, ignoring Brian, Brian sat opposite and stared at Gus-bear. It was his night with the bear. Justin seemed to need him more.
Brian guessed the reason for his roommate’s altered behaviour. Brian had seen Justin in solitary after Chris had left. The blond probably figured he knew everything that had happened ; which was untrue, but Brian had a few ideas, and that was enough. Decision made, Brian took a piece of paper from his drawer and the marker he’d stolen from the nurse’s station. He wrote his message clearly, then placed it in the teddy bear’s arms before moving cautiously across the room and setting Gus-bear on Justin’s nightstand. Justin was clearly trying to seem as if he were not paying attention. Brian returned to his bed and sat down, watching.
Justin lasted five minutes before his curiosity caused his eyes to lift and drift to where the teddy sat. The bear held the placard for Justin to see: ‘I won’t hurt you.’ Brian watched as Justin simply stared at it. For the longest time, that’s all the blond did. Lights-out came and went, plunging them into darkness save the scant light offered by a small and distant moon. Justin hadn’t moved, hadn’t made a sound. Until a sniffle caught Brian’s attention. Then another. Justin was crying.
Bravery or stupidity, or a sense of compassion that Brian had thought ; hoped ; had been destroyed ages ago, drove him across the room until he was sitting on Justin’s bed as the blond cried. He risked placing a tentative hand on the young man’s shoulder, fully prepared to be kicked or slapped away. Instead, Justin crumpled into his arms, curling into a ball, artist’s fingers clinging tightly to Brian’s uniform shirt. Justin cried as quietly as he laughed.
Brian didn’t know the first damn thing about comforting someone, but he’d done fine so far. He reached for the teddy bear, removed the sign and the sunglasses, and then pressed Gus into Justin’s arms. Justin shifted, tucking Gus under his chin, and moving so that he himself was tucked against Brian the same way the bear was tucked against him. Brian held him as he cried, his mind racing. “What the hell did he do to you, Sunshine?” Brian asked quietly. Justin didn’t say a word.
|<< [END CHAPTER] >>|
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