On Conventions, Safe Spaces and Being Suckered By The Patriarchy

[britgeekgrrl]

ETA: this is a public post because, damn, this s*** needs to be talked about. A lot. Out loud and in public.

ETA2: But wait! There's more!

It's a topic that's been on my mind for a long time, but not one I've spoken up about because, honestly, people who are much smarter and more articulate than myself have said pretty much everything I've ever

Comments

[noirrosaleen]

I've been very, very lucky to have almost never had problems with creepy/unwanted attention. The last time it happened - a guy I didn't know groped me in passing at Bondage a Go Go - I followed him, caught him at the bar, and calmly but firmly told him that was NOT OK and never to do that again. I think he tried to stammer something about it not being his fault, as if his hand bumped into me, but I ran right over him with "If you do that again, you WILL be thrown out of here. We don't tolerate this kind of behavior here." He seemed completely thrown, and embarrassed at being caught and called out for his behavior. He didn't call me any names or anything, so while it was a mild encounter, I still call it a win.

This entry makes me very, very happy - unwelcome comments, or worse, touching without consent, MUST be confronted, and the more of us do so, the better!

[britgeekgrrl]

Whoa. Anyone who's at BaGG who doesn't understand that consent is, gawsh, the entire core of a place like that... well, he's lucky he didn't get his arms broken. Yow.

[alryssa]

Seriously. What the fuck.

[britgeekgrrl]

And not in the "we're going to declare we have a zero-tolerance policy right up until we have to enforce it against someone we don't want to alienate" sense of the term (viz: the ReaderCon fracas...)

[mercede02]

Or TAM for that matter.....

-K

[britgeekgrrl]

Oh do not even get me started on the fail that is TAM.

A little more than a year ago, I was really keen on (eventually) going to that event.

Now...? I'm with my friend Sasha - not a dime of my money is going to JREF.

Fortunately, we have a very nice (if very small) atheist/skeptic hoedown here in the Bay Area every year. I've only been the once, but felt as safe as houses.

[alryssa]

This is a total hot-button, will-send-me-into-rage-mode issue for me. The 'you're dressing up to get attention so deal with it' comment I see a lot is absolutely NOT an acceptable one. It's merely another version of, 'you asked to get raped because you wore X' dressed up slightly differently for a convention. I will go full-out Feminist Hulk on people who make excuses for assault and reasoning that it's totally okay to invade your space just because you're in costume. That it's too much effort to simply ask the person in costume if they'd mind a hug, or a touch on the shoulder. No, women's bodies are viewed in general as public property and it's especially pronounced in geek culture, and this needs to stop.

Guess what, assholes: maybe the woman who's dressing up? Is doing it because she wants to do it for HERSELF, and because it's FUN, not for your lecherous benefit. You don't know her, so stop presuming a) you know what she wants and b) that she's straight and even interested in your gross comments and stares.

[britgeekgrrl]

yeah, I'm with on defending a woman's right to dress how she likes for whatever reason she likes.

I take it you saw the Twitter fail that was Simon Pegg and the slave Leias at SDCC?

Damnfool went for the "But I'm paying them a COMPLIMENT! I'm a nice guy!" defense.

*sigh* I will somewhat forgive him in that I think he's speaking from a position of ignorance (aka male privilege) but he's burned his one strike, as far as I'm concerned...

[alryssa]

I didn't see the original conversation that started it but saw the fallout that included at least one woman being harrassed by him and some of his followers, and was VERY disappointed with him over it. *sighs*

[britgeekgrrl]

It's such a pisser when people we like and / or admire turn out to have feet of clay. Even more so when they dig their heels in and refuse to learn.

[madtom_o_bedlam]

I find most of your costumes quite hot. I don't believe that I've ever behaved inappropriately at a con, but if I have I'm sorry. You had to explain what a fanboy appreciation costume was to me, one time. I'm sorry that half the population doesn't feel safe much of the time. I'd say that it's unfair to lump us all together, men I mean, but you have no way to know which of us could be dangerous, I get that. I just don't like it. I never think of myself as dangerous...but there are many things about which I'm an idiot.

[britgeekgrrl]

Ah yes, the "Fanboy Appreciation" costumes. Otherwise known as (and I bet you can see this coming) "I'm insecure and want your approval!"

Sigh.

Ignorance is bliss, sometimes. But it's still ignorance - in my case, at least.

[madtom_o_bedlam]

Well you had my approval without the fan boy appreciation costumes..I just assumed that you enjoyed the flirtations gleaned from dressing up once in awhile. But I seldom look for problems until they bite me.

[britgeekgrrl]

At that time I was clueless and/or in denial and/or frightened of disapproval.

In the instance(s) that you're citing, don't beat yourself up too much. I was kneecapping myself (so to speak) so's as to save the patriarchy the trouble.

These days, a statement like "You have my approval" from *anyone* (any gender) will have me snapping back "Oh really? I don't wear this for your approval!" and if you understand why I would say that, then all is well.

(edited for clarity)

[madtom_o_bedlam]

Cautious, yeah that's me. I may offend your sensibilities from a distance but never by getting too close.