This is going to be harder than it sounds, but I think I need to fix myself.
And I'm serious too.
Its going to be REALLY fucking hard.
As in, so hard that I'm probably going to want to give up.
But I've got some major fucking issues that I need to take care of.
And I've got some major things that I need to do for myself.
And I know it sounds stupid to say that I think maybe a book can help me. But maybe it can, maybe it can give me the tools to pull myself out of this mess of emotions and contradictions and over reactions that have become my cycle and way of life really.
I'm scared as fuck though, that if I do fix myself I'll lose the comfort of not ever going anywhere, and just staying home. I won't have to go out and make friends and attempt conversations.
I'm terrified.
And tonight was really fucking awful.
I had the worst episode I've had in a REALLY fucking long time.
I freaked out so bad that it took me over 45 minutes to calm down.
And Trav thinks that he was helping, but he really wasn't.
So it took even longer to calm myself down.
And it was just awful.
I need to confront my fears, and realize that not every reaction needs to be an over reaction.
Now saying that, it sounds easy.
But it won't be.
And I guess I just can't stress how fucking terrified I am of the prospect of doing so...but I am.
Really...
Its going to be REALLY fucking hard.
As in, so hard that I'm probably going to want to give up.
But I've got some major fucking issues that I need to take care of.
And I've got some major things that I need to do for myself.
And I know it sounds stupid to say that I think maybe a book can help me. But maybe it can, maybe it can give me the tools to pull myself out of this mess of emotions and contradictions and over reactions that have become my cycle and way of life really.
I'm scared as fuck though, that if I do fix myself I'll lose the comfort of not ever going anywhere, and just staying home. I won't have to go out and make friends and attempt conversations.
I'm terrified.
And tonight was really fucking awful.
I had the worst episode I've had in a REALLY fucking long time.
I freaked out so bad that it took me over 45 minutes to calm down.
And Trav thinks that he was helping, but he really wasn't.
So it took even longer to calm myself down.
And it was just awful.
I need to confront my fears, and realize that not every reaction needs to be an over reaction.
Now saying that, it sounds easy.
But it won't be.
And I guess I just can't stress how fucking terrified I am of the prospect of doing so...but I am.
Really...