(no subject)

Oct 09, 2006 03:07


I had a dream about Brittany last night.
Actually I had two.
One was good.

In the other one we were at the funeral home, and we were in line waiting to see her. When I got up there she opened her eyes, and I tried to tell everyone that she did, but everyone kept saying that it was just her reflexes, but then she started moving. I was holding her hand and trying to let her know that I was there with her. And I was scared, and I knew she was in pain, because she kept grabbing her neck. I was trying to get someone to give her something to make her stop hurting, but no one would listen. They kept saying that is was just her reflexes. I wanted to help her so bad. I did everything I could to get someone to help me....to help her, but they wouldn't. They ignnored me. They said she wasn't alive. They said for me to let it go. But she was alive. She was in pain, she needed help. She needed me. But no one would help me, and she died all over again, right there in my arms.

She needed me to save her, and I couldn't, and it hurt bad.
It's not getting easier.

I find myself looking for her in the halls.
I find myself getting online to talk to her.
I find myself thinking "I can't wait to tell Brittany that."
I find myself wondering when she is going to come back to school.
And then I realize.
And it's like finding out all over again.
And it hurts.
It hurts bad.
She's gone.
And no matter how bad I want it, she isn't coming back.

I love you guys. And I am so grateful for each of you. And I want you to know that incase I don't get the chance to tell you again. Thanks for everything. I love you.
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