Last night I was transcribing another dialogue between past & present editions of myself, and found myself feeling really bad about not being able to protect him from what was coming
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Re: Uncle Sam Cereal Bars
anonymous
July 31 2005, 16:21:57 UTC
I'm trying to connect more with my body
Very interested in this. I did a lot of such exploration in my late teens & am now doing it again, having spent a couple of years sidetracked by inordinate focus on the bodies of others. During that time I was certainly able to listen to my desire, and pay attention to what foods were needded, and spend enough time sitting on the toilet & basic stuff like that, but my actual attention to my shape, to my joy in being touchwed (in my last four relationships I was doing most of the touching), to the reservoirs of emotion held in certain musclegroups, diminished significantly. It is a pleasure to be ficusing there again, though doing it alone often finds me feeling, well, lonely.
playing a lot of chess and listening to Beethoven
Next time we're up, we should do both of these things, possibly simultaneously. My chessgame is rusty, and my board is (say it with me) in a storage locker in Philadelphia, but I like the intellectual exercise & it's an intersting challenge to my self-esteem, as I often end up feeling stupid when I err, or fail to think something through. This is an issue for me whenever there is a win/lose paradigm. As to Beethoven, and other of the darker romantic composers, reconnection with them is a big part of my celebration of myself. In my amour w/ Zadiah, I don't think I asked her to go to a single jazz or chambermusic concert, I simply adopted her passion for folkmusic (which, to be fair, I enjoy, it just doesn't open my heart as completely). Many of my CDs are also ISLIP, so if you wanted to burn some odf Ludwig prior to our next visit...[waxes opportunistic]
internship with Familystrength
I'm sure you've told me about them before (I'm thinking over brunch at the Indian place) but I've forgotten; please to elucidate?
to open myself up more to paying attention to my own aesthetic self-representation (choice of clothing, etc.) without cyncism or sarcasm. It may seem odd, but opening up this chasm is more than a little difficult, awkward, and scary
It doesa not seem odd to me. Do you feel/have you in the past felt judgemental of those who pay lots of attention to this area? One of the ways Z- was very helpful to me was in pointing out the clothes that flattered my shape. As men we're up against a lot here, but the prettier we can present, the more the distinction between woman as object/man as hapless accompaniment, breaks down. My god, I sound like a revolutionary again. O well, it was bound to happen.
Supra-awesome is not awesome, and is not part of awesome, but it contains awesome
Really must learn greek & latin better to understand these connotations
I am hoping to come to Burlington this next weekend.
I had been waffling as to whether or not to go to Destiny next weekend. Now I'm staying. Call when you get into town.
Very interested in this. I did a lot of such exploration in my late teens & am now doing it again, having spent a couple of years sidetracked by inordinate focus on the bodies of others. During that time I was certainly able to listen to my desire, and pay attention to what foods were needded, and spend enough time sitting on the toilet & basic stuff like that, but my actual attention to my shape, to my joy in being touchwed (in my last four relationships I was doing most of the touching), to the reservoirs of emotion held in certain musclegroups, diminished significantly. It is a pleasure to be ficusing there again, though doing it alone often finds me feeling, well, lonely.
playing a lot of chess and listening to Beethoven
Next time we're up, we should do both of these things, possibly simultaneously. My chessgame is rusty, and my board is (say it with me) in a storage locker in Philadelphia, but I like the intellectual exercise & it's an intersting challenge to my self-esteem, as I often end up feeling stupid when I err, or fail to think something through. This is an issue for me whenever there is a win/lose paradigm.
As to Beethoven, and other of the darker romantic composers, reconnection with them is a big part of my celebration of myself. In my amour w/ Zadiah, I don't think I asked her to go to a single jazz or chambermusic concert, I simply adopted her passion for folkmusic (which, to be fair, I enjoy, it just doesn't open my heart as completely). Many of my CDs are also ISLIP, so if you wanted to burn some odf Ludwig prior to our next visit...[waxes opportunistic]
internship with Familystrength
I'm sure you've told me about them before (I'm thinking over brunch at the Indian place) but I've forgotten; please to elucidate?
to open myself up more to paying attention to my own aesthetic self-representation (choice of clothing, etc.) without cyncism or sarcasm. It may seem odd, but opening up this chasm is more than a little difficult, awkward, and scary
It doesa not seem odd to me. Do you feel/have you in the past felt judgemental of those who pay lots of attention to this area? One of the ways Z- was very helpful to me was in pointing out the clothes that flattered my shape. As men we're up against a lot here, but the prettier we can present, the more the distinction between woman as object/man as hapless accompaniment, breaks down.
My god, I sound like a revolutionary again. O well, it was bound to happen.
Supra-awesome is not awesome, and is not part of awesome, but it contains awesome
Really must learn greek & latin better to understand these connotations
I am hoping to come to Burlington this next weekend.
I had been waffling as to whether or not to go to Destiny next weekend. Now I'm staying. Call when you get into town.
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