General ramble
Hiya - just a ramble because I am not tired, and want to kill some time.
Felt a bit down this morning. Mostly because Stu got a call from a mate of ours asking him to a boys night on Wed. Not because of the boys night - I don't care about that. More because all weekend I did not hear from this mate and his missus (we usually catch up at least twice a week)and as soon as Stu is back from Brisbane he gets a call inviting him to do something. I mean they knew I was going to be on my own, but they didn't even call to see how I was. In fact nobody did. My mate Jodie came round for a bit, but I rang Jodes, and she only came cos she was in the area. I can go for weeks on end without hearing from her. I just get so tired of being the person who does all of the calling. I reckon that if I stopped calling people then I wouldn't hear from them ever again. I mean my own Mother doesn't ring me to see how her grandson is doing. She waits for me to call her. I used to live down the road from her and I never saw her unless I called to arrange it. I just feel as if I am not worth calling, and then I get paranoid that people don't care, that they are just putting up with me etc etc I get upset - which then gets Stu upset cos he doesn't like seeing me sad, and that gets me even more upset....vicious cycle. I think I get affected by this because Iused to have such a big cricle of friends, I never was lacking for company, and now that I have had Brion I have stuff all friends, and they don't seem to give a shit. Or they ring Stu, and invite him places.It's as if Stu is the main attraction, and I am just something you have to put up with in order to hang out with Stu. Now I am not jealous or angry at Stu. Not at all. He is a great man, and hasn't done anything wrong, and I can understand why ppl enjoy hanging out with him. It's just that I don't think I am that bad either. I am not annoying, or stupid, or boring. I have a good personality. Just obviously not worth making an effort for. Even had this prob with ex's. My last ex I was engaged to - when I broke it off you think he fought for me?? Hell no - he hooked up with another chick 3 weeks later - despite the fact that I was supposedly the love of his life, and he couldn't live without me...HAH!! And again I don't care he hooked up with another chick. I had already hooked up with someone else previous to that. But he didn't put up a fight. Nothing, not even a phone call asking if we could work it out. And he's not the first bloke this has happened with. The same has happened with other relationships. And friendships. I seem to be ok to have around as long as you don't have to work at the freindship/relationship. AAARRGGGGHHH!!! I sound so whiney!!! man I have issues. Gonna go. Sorry for the dribble
Felt a bit down this morning. Mostly because Stu got a call from a mate of ours asking him to a boys night on Wed. Not because of the boys night - I don't care about that. More because all weekend I did not hear from this mate and his missus (we usually catch up at least twice a week)and as soon as Stu is back from Brisbane he gets a call inviting him to do something. I mean they knew I was going to be on my own, but they didn't even call to see how I was. In fact nobody did. My mate Jodie came round for a bit, but I rang Jodes, and she only came cos she was in the area. I can go for weeks on end without hearing from her. I just get so tired of being the person who does all of the calling. I reckon that if I stopped calling people then I wouldn't hear from them ever again. I mean my own Mother doesn't ring me to see how her grandson is doing. She waits for me to call her. I used to live down the road from her and I never saw her unless I called to arrange it. I just feel as if I am not worth calling, and then I get paranoid that people don't care, that they are just putting up with me etc etc I get upset - which then gets Stu upset cos he doesn't like seeing me sad, and that gets me even more upset....vicious cycle. I think I get affected by this because Iused to have such a big cricle of friends, I never was lacking for company, and now that I have had Brion I have stuff all friends, and they don't seem to give a shit. Or they ring Stu, and invite him places.It's as if Stu is the main attraction, and I am just something you have to put up with in order to hang out with Stu. Now I am not jealous or angry at Stu. Not at all. He is a great man, and hasn't done anything wrong, and I can understand why ppl enjoy hanging out with him. It's just that I don't think I am that bad either. I am not annoying, or stupid, or boring. I have a good personality. Just obviously not worth making an effort for. Even had this prob with ex's. My last ex I was engaged to - when I broke it off you think he fought for me?? Hell no - he hooked up with another chick 3 weeks later - despite the fact that I was supposedly the love of his life, and he couldn't live without me...HAH!! And again I don't care he hooked up with another chick. I had already hooked up with someone else previous to that. But he didn't put up a fight. Nothing, not even a phone call asking if we could work it out. And he's not the first bloke this has happened with. The same has happened with other relationships. And friendships. I seem to be ok to have around as long as you don't have to work at the freindship/relationship. AAARRGGGGHHH!!! I sound so whiney!!! man I have issues. Gonna go. Sorry for the dribble