not quite a sick day but....
So, I took my first time off from classes today. Not technically a sick day (only 1/3 of the class day that I gave up on)...but they may count it as such. I really don't care. I've been here 8 months and haven't taken one sick day. The ratio is pretty good right now. The ironic thing is it's not an issue of feeling like I'm dieing it's an issue of not being able to keep up with my classes when I can't breathe out of my nose and any kind of hard breathing out of my mouth induces coughing, and my ears are plugged up. I don't know about this antibiotic. If it's working I can't tell. I go to sleep at night and I'm not really coughing anymore, and I wake up and my nose seems clear, if not a bit dry. Then I start to have to blow my nose about half an hour after I wake up, and once I'm active I can't breath out of my nose (and that's getting worse, a couple of times today I've found myself pretty lightheaded) and I start coughing. I'm not sure what's plugging my ears, that's new. This has been going on for so long now (what, two months?) and I'm just so freaking tired of it. I've never ever been sick for this long in my ENTIRE LIFE. I'm beginning to think I've developed an allergy to Korea. I'm also starting to get a little worried as breathing is, day by day, getting a bit harder. I'm also so tired right now. Was *fine* this morning. I know this isn't a psych issue but I don't know if it's illness, or allergies from hell, or the former caused by the latter. I've been seriously frustrated with my inability to keep up with my classes today. Breathing has definately been the hardest today.
I also have this issue with E, who pretty much keeps telling me I'm doing whatever wrong in my classes. Usually it's got something to do with some parent who wants more or less of something, and I'm supposed to comply. ie. today. I had a script for the students to read. They paired off and read it alone and I helped them through the words. Then we all went to the drama room and practiced in the situation areas. except some student's didn't want to read and some just goofed around and I couldn't keep up with them, thought I was raising my voice when I wasn't cuz my hearing's messed up. Got more angry than I usually do. Like, first session angry, where I just grab the kids coat and push him to where he's supposed to be. I think that was the last bit. I'd meantioned to another teacher earlier that I was having a rough time. She said I should tell the office I couldn't teach. I did. Then they said that American teachers had to teach the active zones and if it was on a regular day they'd have done it. Then they said I asked too late. Then they said if I was having trouble to tell them, and I said I already was. But, I went to my class thinking that I was stupid to ask for help because they almost never help me anyway and feeling frustrated and a bit like crying because I rarely ask for anything and so to be turned down one of the few times I do is pretty upsetting, esp because i wasn't asking them to prepare lessons or teach all my classes. Oh, and the E was asking why I didn't give every student their own script (because I wanted them to work *togther* and sharing a script forces that), and why I didn't send then home with some kind of work. I think that's actually something they don't like about me. I don't give out enough homework (these kids are up till 2 am or earlier doing homework every night. They do *not* need more).
Oh, and then they gave everyone donuts and milk. Why? Definately can't drink the milk and I'm *trying* to start loosing weight again even if I can't work out because of the stupid sinus/breathing thing so I've cut back my eating and calories a lot and it seems to be working but a student already shared a piece of chocolate today with me and that was more sugar than I was planning on and now donuts? And I want them or at least don't want to waste them but I right now I can't undo those calories so I don't want to eat them either. Don't worry, I'm taking vitamins and I'm not starving myself. Breakfast is lowfat milk with bran and raisins, and snack is an orange. Lunch is 2 kimbap triangles and a grapefruit, snack is a few plane rice cakes, dinner is...usually something with meat or egg and some rice or noodles, and possibly another orange or some dried fruit. I'll eat a spoon full of peanut butter in the middle of the day if I need protein. I drink 2 liters of water a day. Right, point is, that's hardly starving, it just doesn't have any junk, because I can't work off junk right now and I'm unhappy they're tempting me with junk.
I'm really really tired. I didn't even realize how tired I was. My lips are really dry from all the breathing out of my mouth that I've done lately. Right. So, I feel bad for taking any time off, esp when I don't feel like I'm dying, esp now that sitting here quiet and not moving is making me feel a lot better. Except, does that mean better or does it mean that my respratory system just can't deal with any stress right now? Also, I'm a little worried about the breathing thing. Breathing is...kind of important.
Anyway, I don't know what to do about this whole thing. It sucks, it's putting me behind on my health goals, again. I'm really starting to doubt that I can, health wise, come back to Korea again. Because if this turns out to be caused by allergies than....woah. Anyway, I'm going to sleep now because yeah, dizzy and tired.
I also have this issue with E, who pretty much keeps telling me I'm doing whatever wrong in my classes. Usually it's got something to do with some parent who wants more or less of something, and I'm supposed to comply. ie. today. I had a script for the students to read. They paired off and read it alone and I helped them through the words. Then we all went to the drama room and practiced in the situation areas. except some student's didn't want to read and some just goofed around and I couldn't keep up with them, thought I was raising my voice when I wasn't cuz my hearing's messed up. Got more angry than I usually do. Like, first session angry, where I just grab the kids coat and push him to where he's supposed to be. I think that was the last bit. I'd meantioned to another teacher earlier that I was having a rough time. She said I should tell the office I couldn't teach. I did. Then they said that American teachers had to teach the active zones and if it was on a regular day they'd have done it. Then they said I asked too late. Then they said if I was having trouble to tell them, and I said I already was. But, I went to my class thinking that I was stupid to ask for help because they almost never help me anyway and feeling frustrated and a bit like crying because I rarely ask for anything and so to be turned down one of the few times I do is pretty upsetting, esp because i wasn't asking them to prepare lessons or teach all my classes. Oh, and the E was asking why I didn't give every student their own script (because I wanted them to work *togther* and sharing a script forces that), and why I didn't send then home with some kind of work. I think that's actually something they don't like about me. I don't give out enough homework (these kids are up till 2 am or earlier doing homework every night. They do *not* need more).
Oh, and then they gave everyone donuts and milk. Why? Definately can't drink the milk and I'm *trying* to start loosing weight again even if I can't work out because of the stupid sinus/breathing thing so I've cut back my eating and calories a lot and it seems to be working but a student already shared a piece of chocolate today with me and that was more sugar than I was planning on and now donuts? And I want them or at least don't want to waste them but I right now I can't undo those calories so I don't want to eat them either. Don't worry, I'm taking vitamins and I'm not starving myself. Breakfast is lowfat milk with bran and raisins, and snack is an orange. Lunch is 2 kimbap triangles and a grapefruit, snack is a few plane rice cakes, dinner is...usually something with meat or egg and some rice or noodles, and possibly another orange or some dried fruit. I'll eat a spoon full of peanut butter in the middle of the day if I need protein. I drink 2 liters of water a day. Right, point is, that's hardly starving, it just doesn't have any junk, because I can't work off junk right now and I'm unhappy they're tempting me with junk.
I'm really really tired. I didn't even realize how tired I was. My lips are really dry from all the breathing out of my mouth that I've done lately. Right. So, I feel bad for taking any time off, esp when I don't feel like I'm dying, esp now that sitting here quiet and not moving is making me feel a lot better. Except, does that mean better or does it mean that my respratory system just can't deal with any stress right now? Also, I'm a little worried about the breathing thing. Breathing is...kind of important.
Anyway, I don't know what to do about this whole thing. It sucks, it's putting me behind on my health goals, again. I'm really starting to doubt that I can, health wise, come back to Korea again. Because if this turns out to be caused by allergies than....woah. Anyway, I'm going to sleep now because yeah, dizzy and tired.