He
Well.....
I find myself back on live journal writing my thoughts and daily shenanigens, oh how i have missed endlessly writing gibberish. But actually i dont think i can call it that as when i stumbled across all my old journals it brought back so many happy memories and memories of the smallest little things that i had forgotten but were oh so relevant and meaningful in my life. And i never want to forget these things that for that split second made me feel something and made me feel enough to write them down. I want to cherish everything and embrace everything.... i love feeling things and seeing things that stir something in me. Alive it makes me feel alive and i bloody love it.
This evening as i left work in the pouring rain i felt so sad about the death in my family and feeling that i cannot do anymore when i want to take everyones pain away. I feel i am like a strong piece of iron at the moment organising, supporting, loving, and working but i think if i am iron then i have a breaking point as im feeling more like glass right now. But strong and positive i will remain. So yes as i was leaving work (in tears) i sat in my car and fiddled with my ipod to play some music that was representative of my mood, so i put on city and colour but as i drove i found myself popping on florence and the machine and belting out cosmic love, tapping my foot and banging my steering wheel. Now i am thinking this is odd as surely i should be mourning and i went from crying to singing at the top of my lungs maybe it was just a release. I dont know.
I sent a cute letter today i have missed writing as in hand writting letters i think theres something so romantic about it and i even sprayed purfume on the paper.... i felt like a lady in the war writting to her beloved as she sat at her dressing table over lookikng a lake and using a hand held perfume puffer. I think i just slipped into crazy romantic fantasism ha! when reality of it was i was sat in my victorian house in 2010 with a road outside! I hope the lady ive sent my letter to likes it. I have had this someone on my mind again today. It is nice she is nice actually more than nice she is soft and pretty and thoughtful and innocent and pure. <3 i hope that she knows how brilliant she is as if i dont know her for long or even if i end up knowing her for a long time i hope she realises those things.
i was looking for holidays last night i sooo want a holiday. i would love warmth, wine, scenery, horses, exploring and feel in the bosom of calm and total relaxation.
But for now i will drink my cup of tea on my cosy sofa with my lovely cats Oscar and Harold and prepare for tomorrow then all i can do is look forward to what the weekend may bring. Always put on a smile and get on with what life is going to throw at you and tomorrow i think im going to have a lot thrown at me but its ok ill breathe and take myslef away or 5 minutes if i need to vent and then return back with that smile on my face. I am iron!! he he im also i twat i know ha ha ha !!
i think im going to retire to bed soon the 5 am starts and 13 hour days arent my friend. Wish i wasnt getting into an empty bed tonight im feeling the overwhelming need to be cuddled as much as is possible.... maybe my super fat cat will cuddle me not quite the same but for now it will do.
One final thought im having right now as my phones buzzing is i am so touched my the love of my friends i love then more than anyting and i am so so blessed to have such amazing people in my life.
love x x x
I find myself back on live journal writing my thoughts and daily shenanigens, oh how i have missed endlessly writing gibberish. But actually i dont think i can call it that as when i stumbled across all my old journals it brought back so many happy memories and memories of the smallest little things that i had forgotten but were oh so relevant and meaningful in my life. And i never want to forget these things that for that split second made me feel something and made me feel enough to write them down. I want to cherish everything and embrace everything.... i love feeling things and seeing things that stir something in me. Alive it makes me feel alive and i bloody love it.
This evening as i left work in the pouring rain i felt so sad about the death in my family and feeling that i cannot do anymore when i want to take everyones pain away. I feel i am like a strong piece of iron at the moment organising, supporting, loving, and working but i think if i am iron then i have a breaking point as im feeling more like glass right now. But strong and positive i will remain. So yes as i was leaving work (in tears) i sat in my car and fiddled with my ipod to play some music that was representative of my mood, so i put on city and colour but as i drove i found myself popping on florence and the machine and belting out cosmic love, tapping my foot and banging my steering wheel. Now i am thinking this is odd as surely i should be mourning and i went from crying to singing at the top of my lungs maybe it was just a release. I dont know.
I sent a cute letter today i have missed writing as in hand writting letters i think theres something so romantic about it and i even sprayed purfume on the paper.... i felt like a lady in the war writting to her beloved as she sat at her dressing table over lookikng a lake and using a hand held perfume puffer. I think i just slipped into crazy romantic fantasism ha! when reality of it was i was sat in my victorian house in 2010 with a road outside! I hope the lady ive sent my letter to likes it. I have had this someone on my mind again today. It is nice she is nice actually more than nice she is soft and pretty and thoughtful and innocent and pure. <3 i hope that she knows how brilliant she is as if i dont know her for long or even if i end up knowing her for a long time i hope she realises those things.
i was looking for holidays last night i sooo want a holiday. i would love warmth, wine, scenery, horses, exploring and feel in the bosom of calm and total relaxation.
But for now i will drink my cup of tea on my cosy sofa with my lovely cats Oscar and Harold and prepare for tomorrow then all i can do is look forward to what the weekend may bring. Always put on a smile and get on with what life is going to throw at you and tomorrow i think im going to have a lot thrown at me but its ok ill breathe and take myslef away or 5 minutes if i need to vent and then return back with that smile on my face. I am iron!! he he im also i twat i know ha ha ha !!
i think im going to retire to bed soon the 5 am starts and 13 hour days arent my friend. Wish i wasnt getting into an empty bed tonight im feeling the overwhelming need to be cuddled as much as is possible.... maybe my super fat cat will cuddle me not quite the same but for now it will do.
One final thought im having right now as my phones buzzing is i am so touched my the love of my friends i love then more than anyting and i am so so blessed to have such amazing people in my life.
love x x x