on the topic of nonexistance

[bringmedance]

its 12:03am (barely) friday night. i drove to daytona tonight right after work to meet a friend at the autumn offering cd release show. she never called me. i went alone. but it was ok, because kate was there. and my best friend from high school, anna. and shes 5 months pregnant. (i'm 6) so that was cool. and i saw a lot of people i have not seen in a while. many of them i wanted to see, some i did not want to see. some i hadn't seen since i graduated high school, literally, the DAY i graduated high school. i saw boys i once was in love with, one with a girlfriend who was coveting a huge engagement ring. i wanted to cry. i drove to my moms house to find my brother and two of his friends drinking and playing trivial persuit around the dinning room table. my brother is an asshole. i couldnt find my mom. i cried. i drove home to melbourne. danny is in orlando. i tried to cheer myself up with an oreo mcflurry, but it only made me feel fatter. dennis just called me to see if i had left the show already. i didnt want to tell him i didnt stay to see the set. i sarcastically said "thanks for the dedication", and he said "no problem". so i wonder if he really did dedicate a song to my daughter and i. i feel bad now. i feel really bad, actually.
so what will i do now. a part of me wants to work on homework, another part wants to take a bubble bath and put in party monster.
someone please make a decision for me.