LJ Idol: Exhibit B. 'That's What She Said' (Home Game)
The midwife swore under her breath as she stumbled on something in the middle of the courtyard. This was her last well-baby visit for the day, and she was looking forward to getting back home and sitting down with a glass of red. She sighed and looked around at the buildings. The place had seen better days, and she wondered about birthing a baby into these conditions, but it wasn't her place to judge. She looked at the notes. It had been a homebirth, no complications. Well, that was something, at least.
The midwife knocked on the heavy wooden door. After a short wait, someone opened it, but stayed inside, where she could barely see a figure, let alone a face.
'We're full.'
'Sorry? I mean.. I'm here to see -' the midwife checked her notes. 'Mary, is it? And the baby? I'm Susan. The midwife.'
The voice grunted and pointed to Susan's left, and closed the door with rather more force than was necessary. Susan jumped a little. Shaking her head at the rudeness, she picked up her bag, and made her way towards the other building.
The doors were open, but she never entered a room without announcing herself, especially when it came to new mothers, so she cleared her throat and sang out,
'Coo-ee! It's just me, Susan! The midwife!'
It was dark inside, and Susan's eyes took some moments to adjust to the gloom, and when they did, she saw a bearded figure approaching her.
'Ah! Hello! You must be...'
'Joe,' said the figure, shaking her outstretched hand. 'Mum and baby are over here.'
Susan followed him over to the corner of the room, wishing there were a little more light. What was that stuff on the floor? She heard the baby and squinted into the space ahead of her.
'Ah, there's the person of the moment,' she said.
A tired-looking young woman pushed back her hair and smiled at Susan. She was wearing a head-covering, and Susan realised they must be a Muslim couple.
'And you're Mary?' said Susan.
Mary nodded.
'Let's have a look at your little one, then,' said Susan, and she picked up the baby, who blinked at her and yawned.
Unpacking her bag, she quickly took measurements and examined the child, then re-wrapped him in his thin cotton sheet, and handed him back to his mother.
'He's just divine,' Susan said, and Mary beamed.
'And now for you, my dear. How have you been since the birth? Managing to get some rest?'
Mary shrugged.
'Well, I don't want to complain, but it has been a bit difficult. The cattle have been quite noisy at night, and then there's the visitors...'
Joe patted Mary on the shoulder.
'I see. This is... home, then?'
Susan tried to make the question sound light, inconsequential.
'Oh, no. No!' Mary laughed. 'We were kind of caught out. Baby came early and this was the only place we could find. We'll be moving on, once everything's settled down.'
Susan made an approving noise, and tried to be discreet in breathing a sigh of relief.
'Well, since we may not get out to see you again before you leave, I should probably go over a few things. Did you … are you happy to have Joe here for this?'
'Oh, yes, of course!' Mary smiled. 'We've been through a lot together - he's very supportive.'
Susan smiled at the two of them, and consulted her notes.
'First things first, then. Do you have a car seat for Baby?'
Mary and Joe looked at each other.
'Well, no, we... don't have a car.'
'Ah, no problem, then! Public transport it is! I guess you'll just use a stroller or sling, to begin with?'
Mary hesitated, then nodded.
'OK, next. Contraception.'
Mary and Joe exchanged glances again, and Susan laughed.
'I know it's probably furthest from your minds right now! But there will be a time, and you don't want the little ones to be too close together, do you? What were you planning to use for protection?'
Mary blushed.
'I know it's embarrassing,' Susan said, trying to sound reassuring. 'But we all got into this the same way, and we all...'
'Oh, no, it's not that,' Mary interrupted. 'It's just... the baby isn't Joe's.'
'Oh.'
Susan was a little unsure of what to say. Usually, if there were some doubt about the baby's father, the husband would be long gone. Instead, Joe seemed... if not calm, then at least resigned about the situation.
'I mean,' said Mary, 'the baby is a gift from God.'
Susan opened her mouth to speak, but there were no words.
'What I'm trying to tell you is... I don't know what we're going to do about contraception,' Mary continued. 'I mean, he was immaculately conceived. So... what do you suggest?'
Susan shook her head as if to communicate that she was as-yet unfamiliar with this facet of reproductive health.
'I mean,' Mary lowered her voice to a whisper, 'are you even allowed to use something? Like, it's not as if you can really say to God, 'not tonight, darling', can you?'
'I... suppose not,' Susan replied, still unsure as to what Mary was really saying.
Mary shrugged, and Susan composed herself.
'Well,' she said, 'I imagine that condoms will be a good start. And -'
She coughed.
'And... just take it from there!' she continued, brightly, deciding there was little more she could really say on the matter. 'I think you're probably fine with everything else, then? I'll leave you to it, then, and you can get to know each other a little better! Oh, by the way - just for the records, I need to put down the baby's name, if you've chosen one already?'
Mary told her.
'Of course,' Susan said. 'I'll add it to the notes. Well, lovely to meet you all!'
She stood up and Mary and Joe thanked her, both shaking her hand. They seemed like such genuinely lovely people, and the baby was beautiful. Shame they were both certifiable.
Susan sighed as she walked back across the courtyard to her car. Sitting in the driver's seat, she pulled out her mobile, and dialled the number of the psych registrar. After several rings, he answered, and she gave him a quick rundown of the case.
'Son of God? A stable?' came the voice on the other end of the line. 'Oh, Jesus Christ.'
Susan laughed, in spite of herself.
'Well, that's what she said...'