on sunday morning....
dont know what ppl want to hear on lj anymore. been out of it for a while. ya i've changed a bit , and yes i always am changing, but i guess i'm just realizing it more so and it's leading me to different conclusions. i'll admit im lacking some stable ground right now, but it good in that it allows me to get up and do some outrageous things, taking risks and venturing out on my own. yet im bummed with some of my recent, not so good decisions. i've lost touch with sooo many ppl , some by choice, others , well, i wish for better fortune. it's becoming easier for me to step back now a days and see the whole scope of things, but then again at times when i stop and look, it makes me miserable to see whats in front of me and its even worse to not see what should be there. as things are now, well, let's just say im just tryin harder than ever not to fall ban into unhealthy routines. trying to be productive while i wait for the window of opportunity, that chance to get out and on to better places. i know im not around much, but i guess it's cause i feel as if theres no place for me to be. i dont fit in with some of you anymore and some frown upon that, well fuck you then. lol i could care less, but thats just whats become of me. tryin to keep my head on straight, yet theres still those buzzards pecking at me and those loose ends that definitely make their presence known. i tell myself i know what im doing at times, but you know how sometimes you just get have those gut insticts, that make you second guess yourself...i know what it feels like to be secured, loved and worry free, yes i've had my taste, but i'm not a perfect and all i have now to chew on is the memory of that taste. theres things i live with everyday, just as i know all the rest of you do, and everyones strifes are quite unique. but what sets us apart from one another, is how we go about changing ourselves, whether to brush it off and move on, creating a new character of sorts, or use what we know and what we're abolutely positive will ressurect that which once made you who you've become. can't help but carry on a piece of where you've been, what you've seen, what you've experienced, or those who have left a great impact on you. they say what doesnt kill you, only makes you stronger, and thats been something i've lived by for quite some time..........the songs still linger in the back of my head, on the airwaves and in the night, and boy do they stop me in my tracks.