(Untitled)

[bring_a_sponge]

 
Picture this:

The Man in Charge. Master of All He Surveys. The Chief. The Boss. The Big Man.

Agent Zed.

In his office at the heart of MiB HQ.

A good day. Quiet. Productive. The kind of day a man expects he'll be able to look back on with tremendous satisfaction.

Well, half a day, anyway....

Comments

[nita_callahan]

Knock-knock-knock.

Nita is dressed as professionally as she knows how, smiling (albeit nervously), and precisely on time.

(She may, in fact, have stood at the bottom of the stairs watching seconds count down on her watch so that she'd be knocking exactly on time, and not a minute late or early.)

[bring_a_sponge]

"Come in!" Zed barks. Just like K said he probably would.

[nita_callahan]

Mmyep. Pretty much.

Here we go! She straightens her blouse and opens the door.

"Afternoon, sir. I'm Nita Callahan -- we have an appointment?"

[bring_a_sponge]

Zed grunts, but nods too. "Ms. Callahan. Grab a seat. Be with you in a second."

Zed mashes a button on his desk and growls, "L! Your team find the Krylian ambassador's head yet? His body is driving me nuts. Keeps making these goddamn gestures, and I can't tell if they mean he's threatening to file an intergalactic lawsuit or if he's making some kind of crack about my mother."

"Oh, uhh, sorry, Chief," replies a feminine voice from a box on Zed's desk. "No luck yet."

Zed rolls his eyes. "Well, get on it! Or I'll send the body down there so it can waggle it's appendages at you! Zed out."

Zed eyes Nita and shakes his head.

[nita_callahan]

Nita takes the offered seat, and -- listens. You can't really eavesdrop on Zed; eavesdropping implies effort.

". . . Can he actually communicate, um, in pieces?" Nita asks in spite of herself, fascinated. "Or do you think he's just trying to?"

[bring_a_sponge]

"Oh, he's trying to all right."

"He'll be communicating once I figure out what in the hell he's saying. And then I might be doing some communicating of my own."

Zed makes a gesture that's incredibly vague but hints at something neither the ambasssador's head nor his body would enjoy very much.

[nita_callahan]

She winces. "Rocky negotiations?"

[bring_a_sponge]

Zed shrugs. "The usual. The Krylian's just pissed off at the Annelids again for some prank or other. Neeble's probably using the guy's head for a paperweight or to go bowling or some shit. It's his own damn fault for being too uptight."

"Which probably means by Tuesday the Krylians and the Annelids will be at war. Again."

[nita_callahan]

"Great," rueful. "This is a regular occurrence?"

[bring_a_sponge]

"Every ten years or so."

"Their wars go on until whatever is the prank of choice becomes a priceless commodity. Could be any damn thing: whoopie cushions, rocket boosters, firecrackers, grease paint, whatever the hell. Both sides sink their planetary economies into Total Prank War and drive themselves straight into a massive market depression."

"Not that the Annelids give a shit. They just think it's funny. But it's kept the Krylians screwed for the better part of five centuries."

[nita_callahan]

Her eyebrows go up.

"Huh. Victory by market forces. Adam Smith'd be proud."

[bring_a_sponge]

"Maybe. Or maybe he'd find a table in the nearest pub and start smacking his head against the table over and over. Who can say?"

"Anyway, we're not here to talk about anything as inherently surreal as Annelid foreign policy. This is supposed to be a meeting about K's crazy damn notion--. Errrrhh, I mean, your application for an internship here at the MiB. So why should I be considering that an even remotely sane idea?"

Which would be Nita's signal to make her opening pitch.

[nita_callahan]

"For starters, because I can take the idea of an interplanetary prank war in stride, and probably communicate with the Krylian ambassador's body if you want to push the next one off for slightly longer?"

:D?

[bring_a_sponge]

Congratulations, Nita. You're barely thirty seconds in, and you've already left Zed sitting there with his mouth hanging open.

Which is just part of his general look of thunderstruck-ness (and maybe a little horror) on Zed's face as he thinks, My god, she might be right....>

[nita_callahan]

"I'm assuming you've read my file, but -- I'm a wizard, and I use the Speech in my work. It's a universal language, so I can talk with anything that's sentient and a lot that isn't by human standards. I'm not sure how well it works with non-verbal flailing, but . . ."

Oh. He's impressed.

Nita stops babbling.

[bring_a_sponge]

"Maybe you're a wizard."

"We still haven't determined whether the Speech is effective in this dimension."

Zed doesn't actually cross his arms and start tapping his foot but he might just as well have.