GET THAT KID OFF MY ICE YOU LITTLE WANKERS
I HAVE DONE IT. I HAVE HACKED THE LIFEJOURNAL. GAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA~%#$^#$436345531 TAKE THAT, LACK OF UPDATES! YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT WHEN I TOLD YOU TO SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO RESORT TO THIS!
...ahem. Yes, anyway. I keep telling Brennie to update and he never does, so I'm doing it for him. Let's see... College has been treating him much better since that last post. He's made a few more friends (we love you, Scoott, even though you won't read this), including a girlfriend who loves him very much :O, eww, girls. It's not like he likes them or has ever sexed them or anything. Everywho, fall term Bren overcame insurmountable odds to achieve a 4.0 GPA (insurmountable odds like actually getting to class) and he will BURN THE BUILDING DOWN if he does not make a repeat performance winter term. He still drinks way too fucking much Coke, though. I bloody made an entire chair out of his empty cans. I mean *cough*... (Warning: this entry is all about the parentheses. Take them out and you can still read stuff. That's why they are such a cool part of the English language.)
In excellent news, Joe is moving in with Gundy so Bren will have the room allllll to himself (and to me, because this entry keeps becoming about me). (This just in: he's either going to love me or kill me for eating his eljay. :D Let's hope it's both because that would be a cool story that he could then turn into an adapted screenplay wherein he could be writer, director, and also play himself.)
For the month of February (the shortest month of the year; what a copout) Mr. Brineshrimp experimented successfully with vegetarianism. As a result of this, he is able to lay claim to the discovery of the two biggest strawberries in the history of chemically mutated deli fruit packages. In the words of a random person created at this precise moment, "I mean Christ Crap, those things were EASILY four inches tall and as wide around as something relatively proportional but REALLY wide around." I couldn't have said it better, myself.
(An obligatory end-of-update video game paragraph: This update's conquered games include such sultry titles as WarioWare, Pikmin 2, Metal Gear Solid 3, and Hell If I Care 4. Metal Gear Solid 3 is orgasmic, though, I have to admit. Good enough to seduce your virginal mother. And father. I really want Dog's Life.)
...And now we must be off to sleep so we can wake in three hours and return to Augie for a fun-filled spring term from hell! The lesson I hope you all take away from this is make sure you always update your journals or some crazy freak who knows your secret identity will do it for you. Also, don't eat those strawberries, man; there are probably small indigenous tribes living in them...
Where has our sexy yet lofty hero disappeared to?
What crazy adventure will happen next in "The Adventures of Brendan"®?
Who is this mysterious ghostwriter, mystifying readers with his/her mystery?
Will the Dried Gourd Apocalypse be here yet?
Find out in the next exciting issue of Home of the Brineshrimp...!
P.S. The ghostwriter apologizes for its uncharacteristically awful writing. It is almost 6am...
...ahem. Yes, anyway. I keep telling Brennie to update and he never does, so I'm doing it for him. Let's see... College has been treating him much better since that last post. He's made a few more friends (we love you, Scoott, even though you won't read this), including a girlfriend who loves him very much :O, eww, girls. It's not like he likes them or has ever sexed them or anything. Everywho, fall term Bren overcame insurmountable odds to achieve a 4.0 GPA (insurmountable odds like actually getting to class) and he will BURN THE BUILDING DOWN if he does not make a repeat performance winter term. He still drinks way too fucking much Coke, though. I bloody made an entire chair out of his empty cans. I mean *cough*... (Warning: this entry is all about the parentheses. Take them out and you can still read stuff. That's why they are such a cool part of the English language.)
In excellent news, Joe is moving in with Gundy so Bren will have the room allllll to himself (and to me, because this entry keeps becoming about me). (This just in: he's either going to love me or kill me for eating his eljay. :D Let's hope it's both because that would be a cool story that he could then turn into an adapted screenplay wherein he could be writer, director, and also play himself.)
For the month of February (the shortest month of the year; what a copout) Mr. Brineshrimp experimented successfully with vegetarianism. As a result of this, he is able to lay claim to the discovery of the two biggest strawberries in the history of chemically mutated deli fruit packages. In the words of a random person created at this precise moment, "I mean Christ Crap, those things were EASILY four inches tall and as wide around as something relatively proportional but REALLY wide around." I couldn't have said it better, myself.
(An obligatory end-of-update video game paragraph: This update's conquered games include such sultry titles as WarioWare, Pikmin 2, Metal Gear Solid 3, and Hell If I Care 4. Metal Gear Solid 3 is orgasmic, though, I have to admit. Good enough to seduce your virginal mother. And father. I really want Dog's Life.)
...And now we must be off to sleep so we can wake in three hours and return to Augie for a fun-filled spring term from hell! The lesson I hope you all take away from this is make sure you always update your journals or some crazy freak who knows your secret identity will do it for you. Also, don't eat those strawberries, man; there are probably small indigenous tribes living in them...
Where has our sexy yet lofty hero disappeared to?
What crazy adventure will happen next in "The Adventures of Brendan"®?
Who is this mysterious ghostwriter, mystifying readers with his/her mystery?
Will the Dried Gourd Apocalypse be here yet?
Find out in the next exciting issue of Home of the Brineshrimp...!
P.S. The ghostwriter apologizes for its uncharacteristically awful writing. It is almost 6am...