Reflective
There is a certain time in every person's life when it is time to just sit down and reflect. Now this should happen, at the very least, weekly for each individual but I suppose now is a good enough time for me since this is when most of my friends are sifting through the rubble that has been shattered around in life and love.
I feel fine about gradutating. I should have been gone from the school a long time ago but there is something that is missing. Graduation was not an exciting time for me. It was a masquerade of control and tradition that no one really understands. If I don't understand what the tradition is for and how it applies to me there is no purpose in doing it. I should not have to parade myself among faceless bodies in front of an audience in order to feel like I have accomplished something huge in my life. The things that really made me feel whole have been the experiences that have impacted me along with other people: conducting, Quest, MSYM, and teaching chorus. My graduation was my last chorus concert - not marching in a sea of bodies in a white robe with pretty strings and a sash.
Anyway...that wasn't the point of this.
What's missing is something in my relationships. They are all changing. Some of them, well, it seems that they have pretty much ended. I may still see them every once in a while but I don't mean that much to them. They don't need me.
Maybe I don't need them. Once I break away and find the other people in my life who will continue to encourage me and impact me in a multitude of ways. I can't let a few people in my life downcast me and make me weaker. I want to be able to help as well. If I can't contribute to the relationship, there is a problem. That goes both ways. I have to know what my role is in the relationship.
Also, I have learned that I can't be everything and everyone to a person. There is a time when I can't be the shoulder to cry on or the giggling best friend. A daughter can't always protect the parent. A girlfriend can't always be there to kiss his hurt away. A sister can't always be the mom.
I am not everyone.
Relationships have become very important to me. I want to put my best effort in all that I have, especially some close ones that I have, yet I can't do it myself. I know that I need to understand why I need these people in my life. They are most of my life. I can't let my life be about me like many teenagers let it. I will not let my life become some lame existence focused on myself. I don't have much time to be young and I don't want to waste it. College is coming up. My education, social life and family life will change quite dramatically.
I do believe I have been changed for the better.
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good.
I feel fine about gradutating. I should have been gone from the school a long time ago but there is something that is missing. Graduation was not an exciting time for me. It was a masquerade of control and tradition that no one really understands. If I don't understand what the tradition is for and how it applies to me there is no purpose in doing it. I should not have to parade myself among faceless bodies in front of an audience in order to feel like I have accomplished something huge in my life. The things that really made me feel whole have been the experiences that have impacted me along with other people: conducting, Quest, MSYM, and teaching chorus. My graduation was my last chorus concert - not marching in a sea of bodies in a white robe with pretty strings and a sash.
Anyway...that wasn't the point of this.
What's missing is something in my relationships. They are all changing. Some of them, well, it seems that they have pretty much ended. I may still see them every once in a while but I don't mean that much to them. They don't need me.
Maybe I don't need them. Once I break away and find the other people in my life who will continue to encourage me and impact me in a multitude of ways. I can't let a few people in my life downcast me and make me weaker. I want to be able to help as well. If I can't contribute to the relationship, there is a problem. That goes both ways. I have to know what my role is in the relationship.
Also, I have learned that I can't be everything and everyone to a person. There is a time when I can't be the shoulder to cry on or the giggling best friend. A daughter can't always protect the parent. A girlfriend can't always be there to kiss his hurt away. A sister can't always be the mom.
I am not everyone.
Relationships have become very important to me. I want to put my best effort in all that I have, especially some close ones that I have, yet I can't do it myself. I know that I need to understand why I need these people in my life. They are most of my life. I can't let my life be about me like many teenagers let it. I will not let my life become some lame existence focused on myself. I don't have much time to be young and I don't want to waste it. College is coming up. My education, social life and family life will change quite dramatically.
I do believe I have been changed for the better.
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good.