eccomi qui!
I'm back!
well... i really needed that vacation! a week. a-l-o-n-e (exc. my sister). i was so stressed/tired/angry! and then... sun...long walks...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah~ ^_^!
food wasn't a problem: no tentations because we had only what we bought and so no other food around! (at home we're 7 people with 2 children so we're full of every kind of junk food...)
my plan was to relax and to lose the "look at me i'm ill and sad" appereance... Because I can't stand people worrying and commenting about my face: I'm a pale person. I'm always pale ok? It's all my life that I'm pale: it's my skin. It's me! but now everyone seems to think that it's a bad thing. that maybe if i was 5kg more i would not seem so pale.
isn't it stupid????? and most of all: why everyone says that now my body looks better, that they're proud of me blabla and after 30mins worrying about the fact that i shouldn't lose more weight? UFF!!!
I'm not skinny. I'm not fasting. I eat. I eat more than i would like to! grrrrrrrr
well.. end of bad things ^_^''
Now i feel better. I smile. I talk to people.. normal things that were difficul in september ^^
and...
yesterday...
i was 49,3Kg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 108.46p!!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS WONDERFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL!!!! I'm sooooo happy!!!
At last!!!! Under 110!! under 50kg!!! yattaaaaah >_
My body still is orrible (I'm 154cm, 5'1'' so my BMI is 20.78... still high) and my legs...bleah! I hate them! I have collar bones, i like my body until... my bellybutton...because after it it's dreadful...
But... I've never been this weight! And I'm not starving myself!(I can't -.-)
ok. my relationship with food is completely mad. but i don't purge, I binged only twice in 2months and today i think i can do it: i can reach 44!! Even if i know that tomorrow i will see"5~" on the scale. even if it's difficult. even if I think I'm undertanding that my eating habits will never be normal... today I'm happy!
Now I finished this:
so I can begin this one!!
I don't like the fact that it's not accurate (I'm not 49 yet!) but it's nice!!
Time to study now!