"going home"
you know that old saying,when you leave you can never really go back home, that's a lie. i went back to my family's land today, first time i have really been back in years. i had told mace and shune i wanted to take them, this was a bitter sweet trip but one mace and i took. one needed so we could both have some healing and so i could better put who i am and where i came from into the eyes of someone i love. there i can hide nothing, i simple am me, take it or leave it. no walls, no hiding, no shame or fear, just free. there is a lot that came of this. mace now knows me for who i am under all the things that i use to shield myself from a world that would never understand me or just see me as a freak.
i have never let myself be so open before, don't get me wrong. i have loved with all my heart and soul, fyre, kp, shune, all meant more than i can say or put into words. but standing by that river in the woods mace at my side, my heart full of hurt and loss yet stuck by the untouched beauty, the sun showing down though the thick trees, the water trickling down the hillside, the wind blowing and the smell of wild flowers and nature in it's most raw form, i felt i was home again. i did not let mace see me cry, tho he knew. i did not cry for shune, only for the loss of a love that could have grow into something unbound by words. we walked for a good while, talking and mace in his simple way knew i needed this. we took most the morning there. coming back i fought the want to just run off and not look back. but here i am and i have said going back won't take so long as it has.
i have been thinking a lot of my role in the fandom and who i am and much deeper where it is i want to find myself going in a few more years. i have come to this, my dragon side has and always will be a part of me it's like my skin, but there's another side. my birthright my blood line. my shaman teachings and the alpha, the pack leader, the hunter that runs free but watchful. my wolf side, SANDULF meaning { true wolf } so for now brim will be stepping back for a bit. while my wolf side runs free and has time to find his own and grow. in doing so i am in no way letting go of any friends, this is not me starting over, this is me letting myself have growth. i will still be posting here. but i will have more of my true self. not what others would make me or have me be. i am free now and thank you all for your understanding. " howls out and calls to his brothers" come out, come out. let us run wild and free send me a tell for my new yahoo, or f a.
i have never let myself be so open before, don't get me wrong. i have loved with all my heart and soul, fyre, kp, shune, all meant more than i can say or put into words. but standing by that river in the woods mace at my side, my heart full of hurt and loss yet stuck by the untouched beauty, the sun showing down though the thick trees, the water trickling down the hillside, the wind blowing and the smell of wild flowers and nature in it's most raw form, i felt i was home again. i did not let mace see me cry, tho he knew. i did not cry for shune, only for the loss of a love that could have grow into something unbound by words. we walked for a good while, talking and mace in his simple way knew i needed this. we took most the morning there. coming back i fought the want to just run off and not look back. but here i am and i have said going back won't take so long as it has.
i have been thinking a lot of my role in the fandom and who i am and much deeper where it is i want to find myself going in a few more years. i have come to this, my dragon side has and always will be a part of me it's like my skin, but there's another side. my birthright my blood line. my shaman teachings and the alpha, the pack leader, the hunter that runs free but watchful. my wolf side, SANDULF meaning { true wolf } so for now brim will be stepping back for a bit. while my wolf side runs free and has time to find his own and grow. in doing so i am in no way letting go of any friends, this is not me starting over, this is me letting myself have growth. i will still be posting here. but i will have more of my true self. not what others would make me or have me be. i am free now and thank you all for your understanding. " howls out and calls to his brothers" come out, come out. let us run wild and free send me a tell for my new yahoo, or f a.