OMG THE FEELS THE FEELS! FEELING ALL THE FEELS!!!!
Okay. This was not a heartwarming episode. This was a heartbreaking episode! It will probably go down as one of my all time favorites because of all the great Tony development we got, but the combination of the maggots and the sheer, unadulterated pain of it will put it almost on par with Twilight.
First, the little things I loved.
1. Tony is a closet neat/control freak in his personal space. I always kind of suspected it, but it's nice to have confirmation.
2. I love that he has a piano and, if his reaction to it being moved is anything to go by, he's very protective of it.
3. I love that he has a fish named Kate!!!
4. I loved that it was Ziva everyone looked to for confirmation of the size of Tony's apartment (and I love that she denied she'd ever seen it, even though it's canon that she's been there many, many times).
5. I love that Ziva has a picture of Tony in Junior High hanging on her monitor at work (whatever it is she feels for Tony, she's obviously not trying to hide it).
Now, the part that kills me. The part that made me so mad at Gibbs and Abby (initially) that I was literally speechless. The part that tells me more about Tony than all of his little anecdotes over the last ten years ever have.
"I messed it up."
No. No NO NO!
Tony did not mess it up. Senior messed it up. Within hours of telling Ziva how much he adored Tony's mother, and how he's never gotten over losing her, Senior has let the neighbor that Tony clearly does not want around into his apartment. And then - then - he fucks her in his son's bed!
That's what messed it up. Not Tony's reaction to that which was, by all reasonable standards, absolutely appropriate and even maybe (read: definitely) too nice.
The worst part of this whole sequence was how fucking happy Tony was when he walked through that door. That smile wasn't fake; it's probably one of the most sincere smiles we've seen on his face in ten years. He'd relaxed. He'd stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop. He'd opened himself up to his father - again - and for those few seconds, those few amazing seconds, trusted him to not hurt him.
And then he did. And he followed it with a smile and a, "This is me. I'm not going to change."
Translation: "I am a shitty father, and I know it, but I really don't give a shit. What you want and need and feel doesn't matter."
And when Tony shuts down again - immediately, and it was so Goddamned painful to watch - and throws him out ... it's Tony's fault? What?
And Abby ... damn it. I love her. I do. I love everything about her. But here stands one of her best friends, obviously in pain, obviously not in a good place because of his father and obviously hurting because of something his father had done. And what does she do? She goes to the airport, without Tony's knowledge, behind his back, with absolutely no regard for his very real and justified feelings, thinking only of what she wants him to feel, and brings Senior back? Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.
And when Tony's standing in MTAC, and he's taking the blame for everything, blaming himself for being human and not just standing there and taking it when his father treats him like shit ... no one corrects him? Gibbs doesn't correct him?
Who are these people? Where's the man who threatened to kick Senior's ass if he hurt Tony again?
If this was supposed to be Senior's big "redemption" arc, then it's failed, at least for me. I hate the bastard again. I hate him more than I think I ever have, because now, we don't just have anecdotes from Tony that may or may not be true. We have canon. And canon is that when Senior hurts Tony, Tony blames it on himself. Tony thinks he did something wrong. Tony thinks he deserves it.
At the moment, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that if Gibbs or Ziva or Tim asked Tony how his mother died, Tony would say he messed up. And there is no doubt in my mind that it was his emotionally and mentally abusive son of a bitch of a father who convinced him that was true.
ETA: I really thought this would go without saying, but apparently, some people (read: one person who really fucking pissed me off) on twitter don't get it.
Throwing his emotionally abusive father, who has been abusing and neglecting him since he was 8 years old, out of his apartment for fucking his neighbor in his bed does not make Tony a "meanie." No amount of "AD is so adorable" will fucking fix what he did, and no, Tony did not mess it up. Further? Repeatedly saying how badly you want to "slap" someone who has suffered 34 years of abuse from his father because he "dared" to finally put his foot down about it? Is really fucking creepy.
This entry was originally posted at http://brihana25.dreamwidth.org/207754.html. Please comment there using OpenID.