(no subject)
So, Lesley and I aren't talking anymore. She told me she never reads this thing so I'm going to write here. It only feels better when I say or type the words in my head. It's all a big jumble and hard to communicate.
I miss her. We dated two years and were practically inseparable even when I was at school and now we're not even talking. She puts it off on me, saying she's not sure she'll make me happy. I wish she'd just give it a shot. I can't believe after I went to college first, she's ending it with me to go to college. I think subconsciously she compares me to her new friends. Of course I seemed to criticize her - I care about her and don't want to see her hurt. And of course a guy trying to get in your pants won't...by definition they WANT you to be irresponsible. I'm not perfect, and I don't expect her to be...I just don't want to see her change who she is to fit in with others. We always had an amazing time together and never had to party. I enjoy parties and I know she did, I just wanted to be included. I was bitter because I'd waited so long for her to be close, only for her to run away when I pushed and then not forgive me when I admitted I'd made a mistake.
I can forgive and forget a lot...I mean, she is dating the guy I said all along was trying to date her...which is why we broke up. It takes time to forgive, though. Time she's not willing to spend. After all we've been through, she's calling it quits when it could've been the easiest time we ever had together. She says she still loves me, and I still love her...but she's unsure of even that. I understand she has to go "find herself", "stand on her own two feet", and "be sure of her feelings."
It just hurts to be left behind. I miss her a lot already, and am so ready to go back to school and be busy to get my mind off her and move on. She's not wasting any time getting over me, so why can't I just speed it up myself?
I miss her. We dated two years and were practically inseparable even when I was at school and now we're not even talking. She puts it off on me, saying she's not sure she'll make me happy. I wish she'd just give it a shot. I can't believe after I went to college first, she's ending it with me to go to college. I think subconsciously she compares me to her new friends. Of course I seemed to criticize her - I care about her and don't want to see her hurt. And of course a guy trying to get in your pants won't...by definition they WANT you to be irresponsible. I'm not perfect, and I don't expect her to be...I just don't want to see her change who she is to fit in with others. We always had an amazing time together and never had to party. I enjoy parties and I know she did, I just wanted to be included. I was bitter because I'd waited so long for her to be close, only for her to run away when I pushed and then not forgive me when I admitted I'd made a mistake.
I can forgive and forget a lot...I mean, she is dating the guy I said all along was trying to date her...which is why we broke up. It takes time to forgive, though. Time she's not willing to spend. After all we've been through, she's calling it quits when it could've been the easiest time we ever had together. She says she still loves me, and I still love her...but she's unsure of even that. I understand she has to go "find herself", "stand on her own two feet", and "be sure of her feelings."
It just hurts to be left behind. I miss her a lot already, and am so ready to go back to school and be busy to get my mind off her and move on. She's not wasting any time getting over me, so why can't I just speed it up myself?