(no subject)
I am angry.
I am confused.
I am not surprised.
I am hurting.
It comes and goes in waves. Fine and not fine. I want to handle this with more maturity than my mother (not hard) but I also want to give in to the urge to lash out.
On the other hand, I think this is a classic example of the world working in funny ways. December was our original projection for Josh and I moving in together, anyway. This that and the other happened to delay that, but...here we are. The circumstances suck, but I can't argue with the end results being what I wanted. Except the severing of ties with my mother bit, but even that isn't a huge loss considering our...issues...over the years. She's an unhealthy person to be around. The cut is painful, but good in the long run. She is a woman best loved at a distance.
I won't question it. All I can do is be who I am, what I am, to the best of my abilities, and let the cards fall where they may. They tend to take care of me in the end.
I still, however, randomly burst into tears.
I am confused.
I am not surprised.
I am hurting.
It comes and goes in waves. Fine and not fine. I want to handle this with more maturity than my mother (not hard) but I also want to give in to the urge to lash out.
On the other hand, I think this is a classic example of the world working in funny ways. December was our original projection for Josh and I moving in together, anyway. This that and the other happened to delay that, but...here we are. The circumstances suck, but I can't argue with the end results being what I wanted. Except the severing of ties with my mother bit, but even that isn't a huge loss considering our...issues...over the years. She's an unhealthy person to be around. The cut is painful, but good in the long run. She is a woman best loved at a distance.
I won't question it. All I can do is be who I am, what I am, to the best of my abilities, and let the cards fall where they may. They tend to take care of me in the end.
I still, however, randomly burst into tears.