(no subject)
Ok, that's done. Everyone can relax - poop disasters have been averted. Go on back to whatever you were doing before the crisis.
The topic for the day is- and I have many - Isolation. IN particular, I refer to the isolation that I belong to. I have chosen this isolation for myself. There came a point where I got tired of being attacked and I said "Screw this, screw all of you....I'm out of here." And I left. I've never really looked back, jesue...I've been busy as hell. But there are days when the silence irks me.
When I can open ICQ, make myself available, and no one pages me. Gawd, that blows my mind. I have like 170 people on my ICQ list...and I'd say about 167 of them have given up on my existance. When I open my email, and I have 17 new emails...and 0 are actually for me. When I remember elaborate cyber weddings, laughing till coke came out of my nose, preparation for Loft Meets, the Bear Cave, the ITAS...I miss all of the crap that I rebuked. It sucked, but it was home. How dysfunctional does that sound?
I guess it's about those times that I fall back on my old theory that without darkness there is no light. See, unless you have something to compare the light to, you have no idea what it is...and really, no way to appreciate it. Picture this: You're locked in a dark room. I mean, pitch friggin black, not a shadow of light from anywhere, and you're locked there for years. You might bump around, find yourself some bread and water. You could *survive*. But you'd MISS seeing the food you were eating. You'd miss seeing your own hands in front of you. You'd miss being able to see, preiod. You'd fantasize about the sunlight...remember it, dream of it, long for it. *laughs softly to herself* Probably the same way you had longed for darkness when the sunlight was blinding you.
So there has to be a balance somewhere. Only damned if I've found it yet. I can never get *just* the right balance of light and dark...my own insecurity drives me to "conquer" all when I am being a socialite, and that same insecurity drives me to run away from too much notice or responsibility to the point of ostracizing everyone I know for fear of critism.
Ok, well...THAT was not what I sat down to write about. *chuckles* Hope someone enjoyed it, anyway.
The topic for the day is- and I have many - Isolation. IN particular, I refer to the isolation that I belong to. I have chosen this isolation for myself. There came a point where I got tired of being attacked and I said "Screw this, screw all of you....I'm out of here." And I left. I've never really looked back, jesue...I've been busy as hell. But there are days when the silence irks me.
When I can open ICQ, make myself available, and no one pages me. Gawd, that blows my mind. I have like 170 people on my ICQ list...and I'd say about 167 of them have given up on my existance. When I open my email, and I have 17 new emails...and 0 are actually for me. When I remember elaborate cyber weddings, laughing till coke came out of my nose, preparation for Loft Meets, the Bear Cave, the ITAS...I miss all of the crap that I rebuked. It sucked, but it was home. How dysfunctional does that sound?
I guess it's about those times that I fall back on my old theory that without darkness there is no light. See, unless you have something to compare the light to, you have no idea what it is...and really, no way to appreciate it. Picture this: You're locked in a dark room. I mean, pitch friggin black, not a shadow of light from anywhere, and you're locked there for years. You might bump around, find yourself some bread and water. You could *survive*. But you'd MISS seeing the food you were eating. You'd miss seeing your own hands in front of you. You'd miss being able to see, preiod. You'd fantasize about the sunlight...remember it, dream of it, long for it. *laughs softly to herself* Probably the same way you had longed for darkness when the sunlight was blinding you.
So there has to be a balance somewhere. Only damned if I've found it yet. I can never get *just* the right balance of light and dark...my own insecurity drives me to "conquer" all when I am being a socialite, and that same insecurity drives me to run away from too much notice or responsibility to the point of ostracizing everyone I know for fear of critism.
Ok, well...THAT was not what I sat down to write about. *chuckles* Hope someone enjoyed it, anyway.