Newsflash: I am grumpy
Why am I grumpy, you ask?
Well, because I am female first of all. And while most of the time I am highly, highly grateful for this fact, it must be stated for the record that about once a month or so, when enough hormones to kill a horse flood my blood stream and make me feel like the living dead and act like an angry badger, I pretty much despise it. And everything else in the world. A bit like Sweeney Todd, actually, but without the razors which, believe me, is a good thing.
Second of all, I am upset about work stuff. One of my clients questioned the hours I billed for, and while it was fairly easy to SLAM her concerns into the ground because I don't pad my hours, that is my one true demotivator. I cannot work for people who do not trust me, or think I am trying to get something over on them. I was also a bit pissed at them to begin with, because they were going to be offering me 40 hours of work a week - they were SURE there was plenty of work. And I did start getting upwards of 30 hours, lately. But that is when they began questioning my time, and cutting my duties. Which means, loves, that I am not getting the hours promised, which means I am not getting the pay I need. So...I have gone into shutdown strike, and will be breaking up with this client.
BUT...I am moving to live completely on my own in 17 days. I am freaking about the financial ramifications of my biggest client being gone.
I also have work to finish for them that I do NOT want to do, but MUST do because it's the professional, grown-up thing to do. And I will not bill for, because that's my goodbye gift to keep bridges in place and unsinged. And that pisses me off, because it's work I don't want to do, for people I don't want to do it for, and money I need. And so, we see, two sources of grumpy from one source. Bonus!
And my mom works for this company, full time, and I worry about the ramifications of this situation on her...I know they won't fire her or anything, because she is SuperWoman when it comes to work and she's been there for over ten years. But I don't know what they will say to her, and I have to see her at the damn clam bake I agreed to go to in 10 days. And after having already been treated to her own special brand of negativity (which she hasn't served in over a year, so I was surprised and not pleasantly so) I could really do without any more.
There are good things going, as well. I trust the Universe to know what I need and to provide it for me, and I've spoken my intention to be satisfactorily employed, and things are moving nicely on that front. I actually have had about four full-time office work interviews this week that look very promising. Two are significant pay increases, two are about what I make through Virtually Finished. All have benefits, which is good, I will need. I have follow-up interviews scheduled with two companies, which is great.
Chris hired movers for me because I don't really have a lot of people itching to come move all my junk to the apartment, and offered me some cash from a settlement he got to get started, which was incredibly generous (especially given my current status as a rabid, angry badger)...so I have that padding. And, losing this client also means I can lose the land line I was going to get to use for their work, and drop the rate of internet connection down. So that will save me money, which is great, actually. I have enough cell minutes not to need a landline and prefer not to have two bills. And of course, Brian makes me smile a lot every day, that is a good thing too. :o)
The other good thing is this knowledge. It's that really, if things came to the worst, I KNOW I wouldn't be without options - I'd deliver pizzas or wait tables before I went without. I'm never truly stranded, without a way to take care of things. That confidence in myself, in my own ability to get things done, is a fairly new and happy knowledge. I'm very happy about it, it's very satisfying to me.
So I know I will be ok. I'm just...not feeling well. My boobs hurt. And I am grumpy and frustrated.
Grrrrr.
Well, because I am female first of all. And while most of the time I am highly, highly grateful for this fact, it must be stated for the record that about once a month or so, when enough hormones to kill a horse flood my blood stream and make me feel like the living dead and act like an angry badger, I pretty much despise it. And everything else in the world. A bit like Sweeney Todd, actually, but without the razors which, believe me, is a good thing.
Second of all, I am upset about work stuff. One of my clients questioned the hours I billed for, and while it was fairly easy to SLAM her concerns into the ground because I don't pad my hours, that is my one true demotivator. I cannot work for people who do not trust me, or think I am trying to get something over on them. I was also a bit pissed at them to begin with, because they were going to be offering me 40 hours of work a week - they were SURE there was plenty of work. And I did start getting upwards of 30 hours, lately. But that is when they began questioning my time, and cutting my duties. Which means, loves, that I am not getting the hours promised, which means I am not getting the pay I need. So...I have gone into shutdown strike, and will be breaking up with this client.
BUT...I am moving to live completely on my own in 17 days. I am freaking about the financial ramifications of my biggest client being gone.
I also have work to finish for them that I do NOT want to do, but MUST do because it's the professional, grown-up thing to do. And I will not bill for, because that's my goodbye gift to keep bridges in place and unsinged. And that pisses me off, because it's work I don't want to do, for people I don't want to do it for, and money I need. And so, we see, two sources of grumpy from one source. Bonus!
And my mom works for this company, full time, and I worry about the ramifications of this situation on her...I know they won't fire her or anything, because she is SuperWoman when it comes to work and she's been there for over ten years. But I don't know what they will say to her, and I have to see her at the damn clam bake I agreed to go to in 10 days. And after having already been treated to her own special brand of negativity (which she hasn't served in over a year, so I was surprised and not pleasantly so) I could really do without any more.
There are good things going, as well. I trust the Universe to know what I need and to provide it for me, and I've spoken my intention to be satisfactorily employed, and things are moving nicely on that front. I actually have had about four full-time office work interviews this week that look very promising. Two are significant pay increases, two are about what I make through Virtually Finished. All have benefits, which is good, I will need. I have follow-up interviews scheduled with two companies, which is great.
Chris hired movers for me because I don't really have a lot of people itching to come move all my junk to the apartment, and offered me some cash from a settlement he got to get started, which was incredibly generous (especially given my current status as a rabid, angry badger)...so I have that padding. And, losing this client also means I can lose the land line I was going to get to use for their work, and drop the rate of internet connection down. So that will save me money, which is great, actually. I have enough cell minutes not to need a landline and prefer not to have two bills. And of course, Brian makes me smile a lot every day, that is a good thing too. :o)
The other good thing is this knowledge. It's that really, if things came to the worst, I KNOW I wouldn't be without options - I'd deliver pizzas or wait tables before I went without. I'm never truly stranded, without a way to take care of things. That confidence in myself, in my own ability to get things done, is a fairly new and happy knowledge. I'm very happy about it, it's very satisfying to me.
So I know I will be ok. I'm just...not feeling well. My boobs hurt. And I am grumpy and frustrated.
Grrrrr.