On Love
From here: http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html#AnchorP1
Many people believe that a person who has multiple loves can't give their "whole heart" to any person. The belief goes that if you love one person, you can express your love wholeheartedly, but if you love multiple people, your love is divided up and is therefore not as deep. This is based on the "starvation model" of love--that is, you only have a limited amount of love, and if you give your love to one person, there is none left to give to anyone else--so if you fall in love with another person, you have to "pay" for it by withdrawing your love from the first person.
Love is not the same thing as money. With money, you have only a limited amount to spend, and when you give it to one person you have less left to give to another. But love behaves in wonderful and unpredictable and counterintuitive ways. When you love more than one person, you soon realize that the more love you give away, the more love you have to give. Yes, you CAN give your whole heart to more than one person, and when you do, you realize it's the most beautiful feeling in all the world.
Don't think of the contents of your heart the way you think of the contents of your wallet; it doesn't work like that.
Some people also seem to feel that it is not possible to love more than one person at a time, so if you're in a position where you're in a relationship with one person and you happen to fall for someone else, this "proves" you don't really love the person you're with, right? After all, the feeling goes, we are put here on this earth to love only one other person, our one true soulmate in a world of six billion people...the single person who is right for us, and who by some quite astounding coincidence happens to go to the same school, or work at the same place.
This is the "scarcity model" of love--the notion that love is rare, that we can only have one true love, and that once we meet tht one true love, the part of our brains which take notice of other people suddenly and mysteriously shut off.
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I don't define myself as polyamorous, but Adam and I have actively discussed bringing another woman into our relationship. While I don't think it will happen, it's nice to be able to have such an honest talk. I have kissed many women, all of them friends, and Adam has known about it every time. If a woman kisses me and Adam doesn't know, I tell him. There is no holding back. I am not attracted to other men, only women, and Adam knows this. If were to ever feel attraction to another man, I would tell my husband immediately, and he and I would discuss why I have such feelings, and what can be done. He tells me that since being with me, he can't even imagine touching another woman -- unless I am touching her as well.
I will be honest. Since becoming involved with Adam, and with a few female friends, I don't think I can go back to that "one single love" way of thinking. I love Adam with all that I am, eternally, soul to soul. The love I feel for him is nothing like the love I feel for the women in my life. But I love them as well. I am full of love.
Does that make sense?
This entry was inspired by belenen, to whom I have a secret to tell.