Weather is still coming. Again.
So, anyway.
Fucking migraines. Fucking snow. Fucking weather.
Beyond that, things have been very well. I've been actively activisming and self advocating, for both autism and cerebral palsy. March 1 is a day to mourn for those autistics and other disabled people murdered by caregivers. I lit candles.
Disorder: abnormal condition affecting the body of an organism.
And I'm fine with that. I don't want any cures. I'm okay being abnormal. You can stop wanting to cure me. I've been mitigating the most disruptive symptoms for a while on my own. Thank you, but I don't need your remedy pushing. What I do need is your support, your love, your compassion, your understanding.
One more thing: I do see my autism as a disorder, with disruptive symptoms and wonderful benefits. It shows me the universe in ways that I don't think I could perceive any other way. And it certainly can be irritating, affecting my abilities of communication, concentration, conception, perception, perspicacity, pensiveness. It makes me twitch, it makes me unable to brain properly. But I also don't want to get rid of it. It is part of my brain. It is part of me. If you want to destroy it, you want to destroy me. I'm not okay with that at all. Treat me, ease me, soothe me. But don't wish to damage me.
Recently, I learned that Lindt/Lindor chocolate supports Autism Speaks, which saddens me deeply. I won't spend money on Lindt anymore, but if someone gifts some to me, I won't say no. I will not and cannot support Autism Speaks, who are indeed evil, abusive to autistics, and do not actually spend their funds on helping autistic people. Luckily, Ghiradelli is still awesome. And Green And Black's. And Dagoba. And Trader Joe's.
My pain management doctor and nurse have been "extremely impressed" that I am still on "the lowest doses of tramadol and codeine out of all the patients" in their treatment program. My mother is finally convinced that I'm not damaging my organs. The nurse was very surprised when I told her I didn't take codeine every day as prescribed. But since I do need the tramadol daily, see increased the dosage from 50 mg to 100 mg twice a day, since neither Medicare nor Aetna will cover a time-released 100 mg version of tramadol. This, along with 20 mg baclofen twice daily, has been ideal, with the codeine taken once weekly, plus more as needed when migraines become troublesome. Also, high doses of magnesium and pure omega-3 fatty acids. High therapeutic doses of EPA and DHA have been keeping the worst of the ADHD-Inattentive and OCD under control, as much as Strattera used to, which amazes me. Calamari and Krill oils have been really helping.
https://www.swansonvitamins.com/swanson-efas-maximum-strength-krill-oil-1000-mg-30-sgels
https://www.swansonvitamins.com/swanson-efas-super-dha-500-from-calamari-30-sgels
https://www.swansonvitamins.com/jarrow-formulas-inc-epa-dha-balance-odorless-240-sgels
Adam and I visited the official Mayorga Coffee warehouse in Rockville again now that we need more coffee. The warehouse sells coffee for cheap, and always have a sale: two 2-lb bags plus a free 12-oz bag for $50, which is a steal. We do this every few months, since five pounds of coffee for fifty dollars lasts us anywhere from three to six months. This time we got a bag of organic Peru, a bagof organic Honduras, and free organic black and tan. All with notes of chocolate. *nod*
The cats are well. Calliope has settled into the family beautifully, and has become fast friends with Jupiter. Even Luna has become friendly with her. I'm really pleased. She loves having her belly and chest scritched. She loves cuddling against me. She is gentle even in rough play. She is slowly learning to love being picked up and cuddled by Adam and others beyond me.
I'm still having nightmares about Rose dying slowly in my arms. I imagine they will fade eventually.
Fucking migraines. Fucking snow. Fucking weather.
Beyond that, things have been very well. I've been actively activisming and self advocating, for both autism and cerebral palsy. March 1 is a day to mourn for those autistics and other disabled people murdered by caregivers. I lit candles.
Disorder: abnormal condition affecting the body of an organism.
And I'm fine with that. I don't want any cures. I'm okay being abnormal. You can stop wanting to cure me. I've been mitigating the most disruptive symptoms for a while on my own. Thank you, but I don't need your remedy pushing. What I do need is your support, your love, your compassion, your understanding.
One more thing: I do see my autism as a disorder, with disruptive symptoms and wonderful benefits. It shows me the universe in ways that I don't think I could perceive any other way. And it certainly can be irritating, affecting my abilities of communication, concentration, conception, perception, perspicacity, pensiveness. It makes me twitch, it makes me unable to brain properly. But I also don't want to get rid of it. It is part of my brain. It is part of me. If you want to destroy it, you want to destroy me. I'm not okay with that at all. Treat me, ease me, soothe me. But don't wish to damage me.
Recently, I learned that Lindt/Lindor chocolate supports Autism Speaks, which saddens me deeply. I won't spend money on Lindt anymore, but if someone gifts some to me, I won't say no. I will not and cannot support Autism Speaks, who are indeed evil, abusive to autistics, and do not actually spend their funds on helping autistic people. Luckily, Ghiradelli is still awesome. And Green And Black's. And Dagoba. And Trader Joe's.
My pain management doctor and nurse have been "extremely impressed" that I am still on "the lowest doses of tramadol and codeine out of all the patients" in their treatment program. My mother is finally convinced that I'm not damaging my organs. The nurse was very surprised when I told her I didn't take codeine every day as prescribed. But since I do need the tramadol daily, see increased the dosage from 50 mg to 100 mg twice a day, since neither Medicare nor Aetna will cover a time-released 100 mg version of tramadol. This, along with 20 mg baclofen twice daily, has been ideal, with the codeine taken once weekly, plus more as needed when migraines become troublesome. Also, high doses of magnesium and pure omega-3 fatty acids. High therapeutic doses of EPA and DHA have been keeping the worst of the ADHD-Inattentive and OCD under control, as much as Strattera used to, which amazes me. Calamari and Krill oils have been really helping.
https://www.swansonvitamins.com/swanson-efas-maximum-strength-krill-oil-1000-mg-30-sgels
https://www.swansonvitamins.com/swanson-efas-super-dha-500-from-calamari-30-sgels
https://www.swansonvitamins.com/jarrow-formulas-inc-epa-dha-balance-odorless-240-sgels
Adam and I visited the official Mayorga Coffee warehouse in Rockville again now that we need more coffee. The warehouse sells coffee for cheap, and always have a sale: two 2-lb bags plus a free 12-oz bag for $50, which is a steal. We do this every few months, since five pounds of coffee for fifty dollars lasts us anywhere from three to six months. This time we got a bag of organic Peru, a bagof organic Honduras, and free organic black and tan. All with notes of chocolate. *nod*
The cats are well. Calliope has settled into the family beautifully, and has become fast friends with Jupiter. Even Luna has become friendly with her. I'm really pleased. She loves having her belly and chest scritched. She loves cuddling against me. She is gentle even in rough play. She is slowly learning to love being picked up and cuddled by Adam and others beyond me.
I'm still having nightmares about Rose dying slowly in my arms. I imagine they will fade eventually.