Modeling Consent...
This is one of the most wonderful articles ever.
http://disruptingdinnerparties.com/2013/09/26/modeling-consent/
"Rape culture tells me that men always want to just “get the sex”, so naturally, I was shocked that he chose to risk “getting the sex” by verbally checking in. “Checking in” is a part of consent culture that is very easy to dismiss. It’s easy to tell yourself, “Oh, I already asked about that. They said they were ok” despite picking up on body language or other signs that would tell otherwise."
-Stuff I Did Not Know About
And:
"Consent culture doesn’t have to be limited to sexually charged situations. Pretty much any situation where you are interacting with people is an opportunity to check whether the other person is OK with what you are doing. Eg: “Would you like to walk there together or did you want some alone time?” “I’d like to talk about this with you. Is now a good time?” “This conversation is getting pretty intense. Are you OK with continuing on this topic or would you rather talk about something else?” I think it’s really useful to do this kind of negotiation in any kind of interaction, sexual or otherwise so that everyone feels like it’s OK to express their boundaries. Partly because it makes those interactions more safe and enjoyable for everyone in themselves and also because it feels more natural to continue in that way if things do become sexual later."
-Stuff I Want Happening Right Now (so that people can ask me if I want to be left alone when I want to be left alone)
And:
"I appreciate consent to the point that I often take a “protector” role at parties as I maintain more of my sensibilities while inebriated than many of the people I know. That being said, if two people can read each other without words, there is NOTHING wrong with exchanging a kiss without asking for it. If one person can’t read the other accurately, there is an issue with either the kisser’s perception, the kissee’s sending of signals, or some combination of the two. There shouldn’t have to be a textbook for organic, natural encounters. While everyone is entitled to their private space and shouldn’t be taken advantage of, if someone is wearing an alluring outfit at a dance club that advertises how sexy it’s customers are, that probably isn’t the kind of place to not have an awkward lean-in after some dancing (which is often close and arousing anyway). Signals are just as important as perception, and basic, decent, human respect is the most important thing of all, with communication, verbal and otherwise, at a very close second."
-Stuff I Hope Everybody Understands Fully And Respectfully (meaning that if you cannot read a signal, inquire before moving forward)
And I feel horrified that I did not realize there was an actual consent culture, because rape culture has been so prevalent...
http://disruptingdinnerparties.com/2013/09/26/modeling-consent/
"Rape culture tells me that men always want to just “get the sex”, so naturally, I was shocked that he chose to risk “getting the sex” by verbally checking in. “Checking in” is a part of consent culture that is very easy to dismiss. It’s easy to tell yourself, “Oh, I already asked about that. They said they were ok” despite picking up on body language or other signs that would tell otherwise."
-Stuff I Did Not Know About
And:
"Consent culture doesn’t have to be limited to sexually charged situations. Pretty much any situation where you are interacting with people is an opportunity to check whether the other person is OK with what you are doing. Eg: “Would you like to walk there together or did you want some alone time?” “I’d like to talk about this with you. Is now a good time?” “This conversation is getting pretty intense. Are you OK with continuing on this topic or would you rather talk about something else?” I think it’s really useful to do this kind of negotiation in any kind of interaction, sexual or otherwise so that everyone feels like it’s OK to express their boundaries. Partly because it makes those interactions more safe and enjoyable for everyone in themselves and also because it feels more natural to continue in that way if things do become sexual later."
-Stuff I Want Happening Right Now (so that people can ask me if I want to be left alone when I want to be left alone)
And:
"I appreciate consent to the point that I often take a “protector” role at parties as I maintain more of my sensibilities while inebriated than many of the people I know. That being said, if two people can read each other without words, there is NOTHING wrong with exchanging a kiss without asking for it. If one person can’t read the other accurately, there is an issue with either the kisser’s perception, the kissee’s sending of signals, or some combination of the two. There shouldn’t have to be a textbook for organic, natural encounters. While everyone is entitled to their private space and shouldn’t be taken advantage of, if someone is wearing an alluring outfit at a dance club that advertises how sexy it’s customers are, that probably isn’t the kind of place to not have an awkward lean-in after some dancing (which is often close and arousing anyway). Signals are just as important as perception, and basic, decent, human respect is the most important thing of all, with communication, verbal and otherwise, at a very close second."
-Stuff I Hope Everybody Understands Fully And Respectfully (meaning that if you cannot read a signal, inquire before moving forward)
And I feel horrified that I did not realize there was an actual consent culture, because rape culture has been so prevalent...