My Muse... as in my music. Muse = Music = Muse.
Oh, hey, my long lost theme song.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/Wmd60Kk9Ljk
Gracefully she's circling higher
She has the wind beneath her wings
And looks down on us, she said
Robbed of my innocence
Had no more time to play
I sure got my feathers burned
But I'm stronger than the flames
Here she comes, here she comes
I've been waiting for so long
Here she comes, rose again from the flames
My little phoenix
Eternity is set in her eyes
Throwing sparks back at the world
That'll never die and I think
She was robbed of her innocence
Had no more time to play
She's only a little girl
But she's stronger than the flames
Here she comes, here she comes
I've been waiting for so long
Here she comes, rose again from the flames
My little phoenix
Here she comes, I've been waiting
For my little phoenix
You've got to get close to the flame
To see what it's made of
You've got to get close to the flame
To see what you are made of
Here she comes, here she comes
I've been waiting for so long
Here she comes, rose again from the flames
My little phoenix
***
This reminds me, fascinatingly, of chronic pain, invisible illness, mental illness, disability, and the struggles of marginalization for a bodymind that is full of monsters.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/yxPMc-XWOZ8
Phantom voices with no words to follow
At the mercy of the cold and hollow
I withdrew into my sanctuary of silence
My defense
In this moment I am just becoming
Liberated from my cell of nothing
No sensation there was only breathing
Overcome oblivion
Falling Awake
From a walking sleep
And all that remains
Is the dying memory
And now I can dive for
These dreams I make
Like I am Falling
I am falling awake
Waves of melodies once forgotten
Like a symphony across the ocean
Never knew that they could hear my calling
Deep within
Crashing in
Rushing in
Like falling
Falling Awake
From a walking sleep
And all that remains
Is the dying memory
And now I can dive for
These dreams I make
Like I am Falling
I am falling awake
There is no returning to that emptiness,
Loneliness
The dream that lives inside of me
Won't fade away, it's wide awake
Falling Awake
From a walking sleep
And all that remains
Is the dying memory
And now I can dive for
These dreams I make
Like I am Falling
I am falling awake
***
And this one, same thing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdG3ECUC-mE
Whenever I wake up
I'm lost and always afraid
It's never the same place
I close my eyes to escape
The walls around me
And I drift away
Inside the silence
Overtakes the Pain
In my dreams
I feel Immortal
I am not scared
No, I am not scared
I feel immortal
When I am there
When I am there
Whenever I wake up
The shards of us cut within
Always the same day
Frozen all in the fringe
I surrender to the sleep
And leave the hurt behind me
There's no death to fear
In my dreams
I feel Immortal
I am not scared
No, I am not scared
I feel immortal
When I am there
When I am there
So far or right beside me
So close but they can't find me
Slowly, time forgets me
I'm lonely, only dreaming
I feel Immortal
I am not scared
No, I am not scared
I feel immortal
When I am there
When I am there
***
And for my new friends in disability and invisible illness, I present my number one theme song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJnCHctOeJg
Smash glass against the wall
Curse the music on the radio that the neighbours play.
Door slams, she turns her head
Watches through the window as he pulls away
Funny how your racing brain drives you so mad
When all the while you feel so numb
Too old to be clean far too young to be broken
Like an army we come
Cut back, left behind
I watched you self-destructing oh so many times
Shot down, once again
Sitting in a chair crying what am I going to do with my life?
Just learn to hide the way that you really feel
Never let them know that you're scared
But understand that you're not the special only one
Watch us now, watch us real close
How we all dance with this fire 'cause it's all that we know
And as the spotlight turns toward us, we all try our best to show
We are lost we are freaks, we are crippled, we are weak
We are the heirs, we are the true heirs, to all the world
Let's go build a fire down on the empty beach when the waves are crashing high
White heat purify, as the sparks fly up into the great black sky
Sacrifice these crutches to the crackling flames
Stand as silhouettes against the dawn
It's far too late to try to sleep now, seems I'm never tired any more
I want to dance with this fire 'cause it's all that I know
We are lost we are freaks
And we try our best to show
I am lost
I'm a freak ha ha.
***
Depression Monster is still wrapped around me, steel claws and silver grin, but I am fighting and fighting, and I have many spears.
Husband returned from New Orleans around one-thirty this morning. Rose and Jupiter immediately climbed on him and we all fell asleep in a snuggling pile.
Later today, errands! Petco Unleashed with coupons for Blue food and litter. Trader Joe's for cookies, whole milk yogurt, chocolate hemp powder, trail mix, pumpkin cereal bars, fairytale pumpkins. Dollar Store for calendars. H-Mart for produce and foods from outside North America.
Had a lovely chat near the with from a guy who was from Jamaica, who extolled the virtues of awesome iron-rich burro bananas and said that his grandmother, who ate them every day on The Island, was 130. She probably did lots of things. The man himself looked barely 40 but he could have been 50. I asked him which bunches of burro bananas looked best. Yay, snacks.
And we got a pure honey nut spread, roasted seaweed snack packs, tamarind paste, demerara sugar (4 lbs for under 5 bucks), black plums, pomegranates, red leaf lettuce, and stuff I forget now.
I have taken more medication to ease this pain, I have meditated with cartoon comedy to beat back the Depression Monster, and I now will get back to writing.
Click to viewhttp://www.youtube.com/embed/Wmd60Kk9Ljk
Gracefully she's circling higher
She has the wind beneath her wings
And looks down on us, she said
Robbed of my innocence
Had no more time to play
I sure got my feathers burned
But I'm stronger than the flames
Here she comes, here she comes
I've been waiting for so long
Here she comes, rose again from the flames
My little phoenix
Eternity is set in her eyes
Throwing sparks back at the world
That'll never die and I think
She was robbed of her innocence
Had no more time to play
She's only a little girl
But she's stronger than the flames
Here she comes, here she comes
I've been waiting for so long
Here she comes, rose again from the flames
My little phoenix
Here she comes, I've been waiting
For my little phoenix
You've got to get close to the flame
To see what it's made of
You've got to get close to the flame
To see what you are made of
Here she comes, here she comes
I've been waiting for so long
Here she comes, rose again from the flames
My little phoenix
***
This reminds me, fascinatingly, of chronic pain, invisible illness, mental illness, disability, and the struggles of marginalization for a bodymind that is full of monsters.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/yxPMc-XWOZ8
Phantom voices with no words to follow
At the mercy of the cold and hollow
I withdrew into my sanctuary of silence
My defense
In this moment I am just becoming
Liberated from my cell of nothing
No sensation there was only breathing
Overcome oblivion
Falling Awake
From a walking sleep
And all that remains
Is the dying memory
And now I can dive for
These dreams I make
Like I am Falling
I am falling awake
Waves of melodies once forgotten
Like a symphony across the ocean
Never knew that they could hear my calling
Deep within
Crashing in
Rushing in
Like falling
Falling Awake
From a walking sleep
And all that remains
Is the dying memory
And now I can dive for
These dreams I make
Like I am Falling
I am falling awake
There is no returning to that emptiness,
Loneliness
The dream that lives inside of me
Won't fade away, it's wide awake
Falling Awake
From a walking sleep
And all that remains
Is the dying memory
And now I can dive for
These dreams I make
Like I am Falling
I am falling awake
***
And this one, same thing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdG3ECUC-mE
Whenever I wake up
I'm lost and always afraid
It's never the same place
I close my eyes to escape
The walls around me
And I drift away
Inside the silence
Overtakes the Pain
In my dreams
I feel Immortal
I am not scared
No, I am not scared
I feel immortal
When I am there
When I am there
Whenever I wake up
The shards of us cut within
Always the same day
Frozen all in the fringe
I surrender to the sleep
And leave the hurt behind me
There's no death to fear
In my dreams
I feel Immortal
I am not scared
No, I am not scared
I feel immortal
When I am there
When I am there
So far or right beside me
So close but they can't find me
Slowly, time forgets me
I'm lonely, only dreaming
I feel Immortal
I am not scared
No, I am not scared
I feel immortal
When I am there
When I am there
***
And for my new friends in disability and invisible illness, I present my number one theme song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJnCHctOeJg
Smash glass against the wall
Curse the music on the radio that the neighbours play.
Door slams, she turns her head
Watches through the window as he pulls away
Funny how your racing brain drives you so mad
When all the while you feel so numb
Too old to be clean far too young to be broken
Like an army we come
Cut back, left behind
I watched you self-destructing oh so many times
Shot down, once again
Sitting in a chair crying what am I going to do with my life?
Just learn to hide the way that you really feel
Never let them know that you're scared
But understand that you're not the special only one
Watch us now, watch us real close
How we all dance with this fire 'cause it's all that we know
And as the spotlight turns toward us, we all try our best to show
We are lost we are freaks, we are crippled, we are weak
We are the heirs, we are the true heirs, to all the world
Let's go build a fire down on the empty beach when the waves are crashing high
White heat purify, as the sparks fly up into the great black sky
Sacrifice these crutches to the crackling flames
Stand as silhouettes against the dawn
It's far too late to try to sleep now, seems I'm never tired any more
I want to dance with this fire 'cause it's all that I know
We are lost we are freaks
And we try our best to show
I am lost
I'm a freak ha ha.
***
Depression Monster is still wrapped around me, steel claws and silver grin, but I am fighting and fighting, and I have many spears.
Husband returned from New Orleans around one-thirty this morning. Rose and Jupiter immediately climbed on him and we all fell asleep in a snuggling pile.
Later today, errands! Petco Unleashed with coupons for Blue food and litter. Trader Joe's for cookies, whole milk yogurt, chocolate hemp powder, trail mix, pumpkin cereal bars, fairytale pumpkins. Dollar Store for calendars. H-Mart for produce and foods from outside North America.
Had a lovely chat near the with from a guy who was from Jamaica, who extolled the virtues of awesome iron-rich burro bananas and said that his grandmother, who ate them every day on The Island, was 130. She probably did lots of things. The man himself looked barely 40 but he could have been 50. I asked him which bunches of burro bananas looked best. Yay, snacks.
And we got a pure honey nut spread, roasted seaweed snack packs, tamarind paste, demerara sugar (4 lbs for under 5 bucks), black plums, pomegranates, red leaf lettuce, and stuff I forget now.
I have taken more medication to ease this pain, I have meditated with cartoon comedy to beat back the Depression Monster, and I now will get back to writing.