Exactly. If I recall anything from my elective psych classes in college, I remember the creepy plasticity of memory. It's why I love Salvador Dali's clock paintings so much...
I really am so freaked out. When I was being evaluated by a psychologist for my Social Security Disability claim - I can't remember if it was 2012 or 2011, fuck - she had me draw things after looking at them for ten seconds, she had me repeat stories she told. And by the end of it, she got this Look on her face. And she told me with total honestly that I had one of the worst cases of "memory disintegration" she had ever seen for a female of my age. And I had to keep asking her what she meant: That it was like there were files in my brain, and my brain's ability to transfer those files from short term to long term memory was getting weaker. Or was it from long term to short term? FUCK. See what I mean? I CAN'T FUCKING REMEMBER. Something about transfer.
Anyway. It's not quite like amnesia. It just means all my memories of anything more than a few months back are being... swirled and pieced together in fascinating ways. Because of the holes. Something needs to fill those holes.
That makes so much sense, I mean the brain does file things. Everything is so delicately balanced between chemicals and electrical impulses in ways that we don't fully understand. The psychiatrist I saw for OCD flat out admitted, "Yeah, we don't really know how these drugs work, we just know that they do." Hopefully one day it will be as simple as taking a drug and flipping a switch on the right impulses to restore disintegrated memories. We've made so many strides in our understanding of neural plasticity, we're just not there yet.
What do you think of memory journals? I read of someone doing that years ago, and she just had friends and family members help her piece together the narrative for various important memories in her life so she could reference them when she needed. I can't attest to the effectiveness personally, though, and you may have already tried that.
Some of my friends have kept memory journals since they were teenagers. A couple of them had seizures and brain traumas and developed amnesia, and those journals were lifelines... I'm thinking about it...
*nods* I will. Thank you. You of all my friends would know! :-)
I did think of you during those conversations with my mother, when she kept saying "No, honey, that never happened. That never happened the way you think. You're mixing your memories." I kept getting chills. I kept thinking about my seizures, you know?
I really am so freaked out. When I was being evaluated by a psychologist for my Social Security Disability claim - I can't remember if it was 2012 or 2011, fuck - she had me draw things after looking at them for ten seconds, she had me repeat stories she told. And by the end of it, she got this Look on her face. And she told me with total honestly that I had one of the worst cases of "memory disintegration" she had ever seen for a female of my age. And I had to keep asking her what she meant: That it was like there were files in my brain, and my brain's ability to transfer those files from short term to long term memory was getting weaker. Or was it from long term to short term? FUCK. See what I mean? I CAN'T FUCKING REMEMBER. Something about transfer.
Anyway. It's not quite like amnesia. It just means all my memories of anything more than a few months back are being... swirled and pieced together in fascinating ways. Because of the holes. Something needs to fill those holes.
Reply
What do you think of memory journals? I read of someone doing that years ago, and she just had friends and family members help her piece together the narrative for various important memories in her life so she could reference them when she needed. I can't attest to the effectiveness personally, though, and you may have already tried that.
Reply
I'm thinking about it...
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
I did think of you during those conversations with my mother, when she kept saying "No, honey, that never happened. That never happened the way you think. You're mixing your memories." I kept getting chills. I kept thinking about my seizures, you know?
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
Reply
Leave a comment