Just drop me off at that asteroid over there, part 2, with food
"I think this is a broader cultural thing surrounding the commodification of people, especially women. People are seen nowadays as little interchangeable cogs... which causes some nasty shocks when the System's values bump against our more organic passed-down cultural values. Most times we do the cognitive dissonance dance and rinse and repeat.
This time, though, the kids involved posted up tweets so raw that it was a mirror reflecting the beast itself. These kids know that the greater world doesn't give a damn about them, or about anything, really, so why should they give a damn about anything or anyone that wasn't of use to them? The victim was just a passed-out piece of meat for them to use as they saw fit: another commodity to be used and disposed of.
...just like they see the football stars they emulate get used up and spit out by the NFL, useless in their mid-thirties due to repetitive injuries. Just like they see their working folks get laid off and replaced by cheaper overseas labor. Just like you get a car, use it up, and when it breaks down and you can't fix it, you throw it away and get a new one.
This is what the greater context of society teaches us. It's the subtext in everything we do. We're all whores now... and appallingly disposable."
-from a Facebook friend, in a discussion over rape culture and how teenagers are affected
And also I am in a ridiculous battle with my biochemistry and neurochemistry. Hi, I'm Joanna and I'm a recovering anorexic. I refuse to shift the blame to just my brain signals and hormones, but that is about ninety-nine percent of what is happening.
I love eating. I want to keep eating. Food is awesome. Food is the best thing ever.
There are actual signals and nerves running between my stomach and my brain saying "NOPE." If I have an inkling of "I don't want to be fat" thoughts, I can still feel them pushed very, very far back. They are there, which is that percent I will take blame for. Because that is sickness. And it has left scars before. And those scars can be ripped open easily. And it is now my job to make sure none of that happens.
So this has become actually less psychiatric and more neurological: Fuck you, brain, I'm going to eat whether you want to or not. Fuck you, digestive system, you are waking up and taking solids in whether you want to or not.
For me this isn't about anorexia for the sake of fat/thin, this is about a "nervous loss of appetite caused by possible signal problems involving the ventromedial hypothalamus, which is responsible for feeling satiated and full." Because if something goes wrong, the leptin hormone literally stimulates anorectic nerve cells, which in turn inhibit orexigenic nerve cells, which means that the actual desire to eat is stopped. Which is just a way of saying Hunger And Appetite, You're Doing It Wrong.
Also, please, no "I'm so sorry, I know how you feel"s. It is hollow (ha) and too quiet. Give me your experiences, your anecdotes, the healthful foods you love best and the junk foods you resort to. Braid it into stories that can make me giggle and sniffle and want to hug you.
I don't want to be so raw and sad, but the world is really pissing me off lately.
It has been raining wildly all day, and the cats have been climbing all over me, and I've been in pain and fatigue, so Doing Things has been mildly difficult. They are getting done slowly.
Also, "Just drop me off at that asteroid over there" is the meme companion to "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" - both said by Professor Farnsworth on 'Futurama' after he realizes how stupid and awful people can be.
Human brains. Fantastic, fucked up things.
This time, though, the kids involved posted up tweets so raw that it was a mirror reflecting the beast itself. These kids know that the greater world doesn't give a damn about them, or about anything, really, so why should they give a damn about anything or anyone that wasn't of use to them? The victim was just a passed-out piece of meat for them to use as they saw fit: another commodity to be used and disposed of.
...just like they see the football stars they emulate get used up and spit out by the NFL, useless in their mid-thirties due to repetitive injuries. Just like they see their working folks get laid off and replaced by cheaper overseas labor. Just like you get a car, use it up, and when it breaks down and you can't fix it, you throw it away and get a new one.
This is what the greater context of society teaches us. It's the subtext in everything we do. We're all whores now... and appallingly disposable."
-from a Facebook friend, in a discussion over rape culture and how teenagers are affected
And also I am in a ridiculous battle with my biochemistry and neurochemistry. Hi, I'm Joanna and I'm a recovering anorexic. I refuse to shift the blame to just my brain signals and hormones, but that is about ninety-nine percent of what is happening.
I love eating. I want to keep eating. Food is awesome. Food is the best thing ever.
There are actual signals and nerves running between my stomach and my brain saying "NOPE." If I have an inkling of "I don't want to be fat" thoughts, I can still feel them pushed very, very far back. They are there, which is that percent I will take blame for. Because that is sickness. And it has left scars before. And those scars can be ripped open easily. And it is now my job to make sure none of that happens.
So this has become actually less psychiatric and more neurological: Fuck you, brain, I'm going to eat whether you want to or not. Fuck you, digestive system, you are waking up and taking solids in whether you want to or not.
For me this isn't about anorexia for the sake of fat/thin, this is about a "nervous loss of appetite caused by possible signal problems involving the ventromedial hypothalamus, which is responsible for feeling satiated and full." Because if something goes wrong, the leptin hormone literally stimulates anorectic nerve cells, which in turn inhibit orexigenic nerve cells, which means that the actual desire to eat is stopped. Which is just a way of saying Hunger And Appetite, You're Doing It Wrong.
Also, please, no "I'm so sorry, I know how you feel"s. It is hollow (ha) and too quiet. Give me your experiences, your anecdotes, the healthful foods you love best and the junk foods you resort to. Braid it into stories that can make me giggle and sniffle and want to hug you.
I don't want to be so raw and sad, but the world is really pissing me off lately.
It has been raining wildly all day, and the cats have been climbing all over me, and I've been in pain and fatigue, so Doing Things has been mildly difficult. They are getting done slowly.
Also, "Just drop me off at that asteroid over there" is the meme companion to "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" - both said by Professor Farnsworth on 'Futurama' after he realizes how stupid and awful people can be.
Human brains. Fantastic, fucked up things.