Being Alice: Tunnel Vision
Last night was deeply not fun and very aggravating. I have gotten surprisingly good at typing through the start of seizures and the end of waking from seizures. Facebook is testament. I typed out a whole status post about how I was about to go under. I went under. I came out of it. I typed out a whole status post to say I was okay. I don't actually remember it. Hah.
I remember feeling my head fall back against the back of my leather chair, my whole body sinking down, my mouth falling open. I went inside my brain, and already I was grasping Alicia's hand and we were running. No surroundings, just light and color streaming past. My head was pounding and my legs were burning and I desperately wanted to rest, but her grip was like steel. Her voice echoed: "It's okay; we're almost at the end. You can make it." I began to cry. I whispered, "I want Serena." Alicia said with pure compassion, "She's right at the end. I promise." I focused on her blond hair flying behind her, on her bright blue eyes and the determination glowing in them.
There was an end. Some sort of tunnel, rocky and jagged. Through the opening, I could see a wall made of bronze. A figure was moving toward the opening, and I knew that long long dark hair, those deep green eyes. I flung out my left arm while squeezing Alicia's hand with my right hand - I couldn't let go yet or I would be lost. Serena reached out her right hand, just shy of the force field around the opening. Alicia pushed me far enough to where my arm passed through and I could grab Serena's hand. The women nodded and smiled at each other, and Serena pulled me all the way through and gathered me into a tight embrace. I closed my eyes, opened my mouth to speak, to cry...
My body twitched and jerked. I opened my eyes, feeling my eyelids physically flutter. My neck hurt. My shoulders and back hurt. My head hurt. Everything hurt. I couldn't go back to Serena unless I put myself under again. I let myself cry and weep for a few minutes. It took a while, but I was able to drag myself to the bedroom, where Rose and Jupiter curled up with me and purred me to sleep.
I remember feeling my head fall back against the back of my leather chair, my whole body sinking down, my mouth falling open. I went inside my brain, and already I was grasping Alicia's hand and we were running. No surroundings, just light and color streaming past. My head was pounding and my legs were burning and I desperately wanted to rest, but her grip was like steel. Her voice echoed: "It's okay; we're almost at the end. You can make it." I began to cry. I whispered, "I want Serena." Alicia said with pure compassion, "She's right at the end. I promise." I focused on her blond hair flying behind her, on her bright blue eyes and the determination glowing in them.
There was an end. Some sort of tunnel, rocky and jagged. Through the opening, I could see a wall made of bronze. A figure was moving toward the opening, and I knew that long long dark hair, those deep green eyes. I flung out my left arm while squeezing Alicia's hand with my right hand - I couldn't let go yet or I would be lost. Serena reached out her right hand, just shy of the force field around the opening. Alicia pushed me far enough to where my arm passed through and I could grab Serena's hand. The women nodded and smiled at each other, and Serena pulled me all the way through and gathered me into a tight embrace. I closed my eyes, opened my mouth to speak, to cry...
My body twitched and jerked. I opened my eyes, feeling my eyelids physically flutter. My neck hurt. My shoulders and back hurt. My head hurt. Everything hurt. I couldn't go back to Serena unless I put myself under again. I let myself cry and weep for a few minutes. It took a while, but I was able to drag myself to the bedroom, where Rose and Jupiter curled up with me and purred me to sleep.